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NC makes me feel powerless not powerful…when does the powerful feeling come?!?!!

TaylorBe

By TaylorBe
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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TaylorBe Member

TaylorBe

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I’m delusional too ☹

 

The below was originally a response to the I’m so delusion post but It turned into an emotional rant from me so I figure I just start my own thread instead of taking over someone else’s.

 

It’s so hard to deal with this process. The first week of no contact I broke down & messaged him and he suggested we meet up. We were having a great conversation & he got comfortable enough to tell me about some random chick he banged, which destroyed me...I cried for a week straight, so many emotions anger, sadness, loneliness, hope, desperation you name it I felt it and wrote about it in my journal. But nothing was helping and by week 3 I was just emotionally drained & I think I just gave up being hurt by the situation… then he calls me, I didn't answer & he didn't leave me a message. Now in week 4 I've been hoping he contacts me again so I can respond without feeling stupid for breaking no contact but at the end of the day I know ill just end up hurt even worse in the long run...

 

This process is so draining, I'm always tired and it has officially made me sick. I'm just waiting and praying for the day were my life is no longer impacted by him. Although no contact is suppose to give me my power back I feel like it’s giving him more power because now thoughts of him consumes me everyday. Before no contact I had the power, I say jump & he would ask how hi…he came over everyday, checked in constantly, catered to me, supported me. I had complete control because he knew how much I was hurt by his decision not to be in a relationship while he worked on himself…I just wish he was ready for a relationship because he’s so good at doing relationship responsibilities… IDK I’m just drained and I feel like NC has made me powerless :sick:

GudDude2013 Member

GudDude2013

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I'm sorry for your pain. There really is nothing that anyone can say that's going to alleviate the heartache. Some headaches you take aspirin for and it goes away fast, but some you have to draw the blinds, cut off the tv and light, and suffer until the pain subsides all with no timetable. Eventually you will get up, pull the blinds back, the pain will be gone and you can look forward to the beautiful, bright, sunny day shinig through the window.

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OwlSoul Established Member

OwlSoul

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I went to NC just yesterday, although my ex and I were going to hang out in 2 weeks and he was flirting and etc. So welp, maybe consider of assigning a certain date when you both would see each other or you'd break NC? Untill that moment just stop worrying and keep on your life.

 

At least this helps me greatly to co-op with paranoia/jealousy/waiting for him thing. Trust me, contacting him is a REALLY bad idea.

 

I've been in LC with my ex, who went back to me regretting and saying he loves me and he is an idiot. But I was not ready and etc., so he fade away again.

 

NC does not give you power, it gives you the opportunity to gain the power, while you are not disturbed by stalking his fb/calling/wondering what he is doing and etc. This time is a blessing, not a torture. The pain made you more sensitive, so you're more than open to new changes in your life. Don't worry :)

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TaylorBe Member

TaylorBe

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I went to NC just yesterday, although my ex and I were going to hang out in 2 weeks and he was flirting and etc. So welp, maybe consider of assigning a certain date when you both would see each other or you'd break NC? Untill that moment just stop worrying and keep on your life.

 

At least this helps me greatly to co-op with paranoia/jealousy/waiting for him thing. Trust me, contacting him is a REALLY bad idea.

 

I've been in LC with my ex, who went back to me regretting and saying he loves me and he is an idiot. But I was not ready and etc., so he fade away again.

 

NC does not give you power, it gives you the opportunity to gain the power, while you are not disturbed by stalking his fb/calling/wondering what he is doing and etc. This time is a blessing, not a torture. The pain made you more sensitive, so you're more than open to new changes in your life. Don't worry :)

 

See thats my issue is before no contact I didn't have to stalk him nor did I think about him and this situation all day long...we were really good friends and I was in a healthier mental state. now all I think about is why I chose not to be friends with him anymore or if he still cares about me ect...its on my mind all day everyday now... in fact its made me want to check on him/stalk him. I stare at my phone hoping he call text something..IDK I just feel like the longer i'm in no contact the worse things get for me...I'm falling apart I just want my friend back :(

 

I kinda wish I never went into NC...the only reason I did it is because hes not ready for a relationship right now and everyone around me told me to end it because I just be strung along and eventually hurt when he moved on...But maybe it could have worked out for us we could build a stronger foundation by staying dating longer and not rushing into a relatonship...IDK anymore we only dated for two months, was in the breakup process for 2 months and now one month of no contact...I should be over this by now

Edited by TaylorBe
Toddbt12y1 Established Member

Toddbt12y1

Posted
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NC, by itself is powerless to heal your wounds. It is how you do, while on NC that will truly help you to regain power. Sitting around and looking at your phone, and holding onto a meaningless hope, isn't about to give your power back; quite the opposite, as you still give him power over you.

 

Things will continue to get worse, expect it. You have to go through a storm, before it's all good again; the eye is a calm, and friendship with him, only served as that calm. A co-dependance on friendship, in place of a relationship has developed.

 

Falling to ruin: all your buildings has crumbled, and it takes time, but effort by action, to rebuild a fallen city.

 

It will get better.

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TaylorBe Member

TaylorBe

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I just wish I've had more progress by now...I've been breaking up for 3 months & we only dated for two. This is the first guy I've ever dated...I just wish I wouldn't have fallen for him as quickly maybe I would have been healed by now.

 

I'm just so over this, I've tried everything longer hours at work, hanging out with friends, going back to church, training for a triathlon but I still think about him and this situation even when I'm doing other things my mind is consumed with thoughts of me making a mistake, or him being an ass ect all I think about it this :( If I have to crash/hit rock bottom to get over this why wont that just happen already. I want to hit rock bottom... why cant I just hit rock bottom so I can heal :(

Sheilalou008 Established Member

Sheilalou008

Posted
Posted
I’m delusional too ☹

 

The below was originally a response to the I’m so delusion post but It turned into an emotional rant from me so I figure I just start my own thread instead of taking over someone else’s.

 

It’s so hard to deal with this process. The first week of no contact I broke down & messaged him and he suggested we meet up. We were having a great conversation & he got comfortable enough to tell me about some random chick he banged, which destroyed me...I cried for a week straight, so many emotions anger, sadness, loneliness, hope, desperation you name it I felt it and wrote about it in my journal. But nothing was helping and by week 3 I was just emotionally drained & I think I just gave up being hurt by the situation… then he calls me, I didn't answer & he didn't leave me a message. Now in week 4 I've been hoping he contacts me again so I can respond without feeling stupid for breaking no contact but at the end of the day I know ill just end up hurt even worse in the long run...

 

This process is so draining, I'm always tired and it has officially made me sick. I'm just waiting and praying for the day were my life is no longer impacted by him. Although no contact is suppose to give me my power back I feel like it’s giving him more power because now thoughts of him consumes me everyday. Before no contact I had the power, I say jump & he would ask how hi…he came over everyday, checked in constantly, catered to me, supported me. I had complete control because he knew how much I was hurt by his decision not to be in a relationship while he worked on himself…I just wish he was ready for a relationship because he’s so good at doing relationship responsibilities… IDK I’m just drained and I feel like NC has made me powerless :sick:

 

 

Just give it time, please, it will come for you. It took about 2 weeks for me to start to care about my feelings and not about his. Do something for yourself, go shopping, cook, clean, hang with friends...all the cliche things...they work.

 

Once you get to that point you will care less and less about him and begin to see that this was for the best. I know you do not want to hear it right now, but it will happen and you will wake one day and realize that you hadn't thought about him all day or for a few hours. Of course he is going to consume your thoughts for now, it is normal. Time is the only thing that works. Please, do not contact him at all. It will hurt, you will cry, you will be weak but do not call/text/email or anything at all. It will do not good and leave you feeling worse after.

 

I promise, you are a strong, beautiful woman who deserves someone who wants you and not be banging random hookers for fun. Keep your chin up, your time is coming before you know it :)

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TaylorBe Member

TaylorBe

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Just give it time, please, it will come for you. It took about 2 weeks for me to start to care about my feelings and not about his. Do something for yourself, go shopping, cook, clean, hang with friends...all the cliche things...they work.

 

Once you get to that point you will care less and less about him and begin to see that this was for the best. I know you do not want to hear it right now, but it will happen and you will wake one day and realize that you hadn't thought about him all day or for a few hours. Of course he is going to consume your thoughts for now, it is normal. Time is the only thing that works. Please, do not contact him at all. It will hurt, you will cry, you will be weak but do not call/text/email or anything at all. It will do not good and leave you feeling worse after.

 

I promise, you are a strong, beautiful woman who deserves someone who wants you and not be banging random hookers for fun. Keep your chin up, your time is coming before you know it :)

 

Its not that I dont want to hear it or that I havent tried everything you've suggested...I've doen everything the websites suggest. But the more work I put in to move on the more overwhelmed/obsessive I become with the situation. For everyone else on these sites its seems like NC helps them move on but for me its having the opposite effect. Dont get me wrong I dont want to break NC cause I know it will only make things worse, I just want it to start working for me so I can get my life back. I cant even enjoy any activity with out thoughts of this situation clouding my head 90% of the time... I ran a half marathon & thought about him & this situation the entire time, this situation completely ruined my Birthday cause I couldnt enjoy anything because my brain would turn off.

 

Theres no emotions accompanying these thoughts which frustrates me even more, its like my brain is trying to figure out why all this is happened over & over again. I do get a lot of epiphanies out of the process but the thoughts wont go away and this whole situation is just consuming my life. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!

 

This process makes me not even want to date again...I just want it to be over so I can function like a normal person and enjoy all the activities I do. I cant get this time back and it makes me so angry that I cant enjoy my life in the present because I fell for the wrong guy. I'm just fustrated and angry and I want my life back:mad:

Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

Posted
Posted
Its not that I dont want to hear it or that I havent tried everything you've suggested...I've doen everything the websites suggest. But the more work I put in to move on the more overwhelmed/obsessive I become with the situation. For everyone else on these sites its seems like NC helps them move on but for me its having the opposite effect. Dont get me wrong I dont want to break NC cause I know it will only make things worse, I just want it to start working for me so I can get my life back. I cant even enjoy any activity with out thoughts of this situation clouding my head 90% of the time... I ran a half marathon & thought about him & this situation the entire time, this situation completely ruined my Birthday cause I couldnt enjoy anything because my brain would turn off.

 

Theres no emotions accompanying these thoughts which frustrates me even more, its like my brain is trying to figure out why all this is happened over & over again. I do get a lot of epiphanies out of the process but the thoughts wont go away and this whole situation is just consuming my life. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!

 

This process makes me not even want to date again...I just want it to be over so I can function like a normal person and enjoy all the activities I do. I cant get this time back and it makes me so angry that I cant enjoy my life in the present because I fell for the wrong guy. I'm just fustrated and angry and I want my life back:mad:

 

 

I don't wanna depress you but my BU was officially in mid January. Nc since then I couldn't reply to his email.

 

U hadn't seen him for a few weeks before then as we were on a "break" instigated by him.

 

Its four months since I've seen him, 2.5 months since the BU and I am better in the sense that I'm not wailing and crying anymore. but I've become obsessional..I keep replying it in my head and saying if only I hadn't done that or known he wasvthinkning that.

 

I cannot get over it..... I don't know what to do

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TaylorBe Member

TaylorBe

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I don't wanna depress you but my BU was officially in mid January. Nc since then I couldn't reply to his email.

 

U hadn't seen him for a few weeks before then as we were on a "break" instigated by him.

 

Its four months since I've seen him, 2.5 months since the BU and I am better in the sense that I'm not wailing and crying anymore. but I've become obsessional..I keep replying it in my head and saying if only I hadn't done that or known he wasvthinkning that.

 

I cannot get over it..... I don't know what to do

 

You havent depressed me I actually appreciate it...I dont feel so alone cause everyone on this site is like no contact and with time everything will be alright...Well for me everything was alright until I implemented no contact now im obsessive. Its good to know i'm not the only one struggling to benefit with NC...Thank You :)

OwlSoul Established Member

OwlSoul

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I keep replying it in my head and saying if only I hadn't done that or known he wasvthinkning that.

 

I cannot get over it..... I don't know what to do

It is normal to get obsessed over something. It is rather a habbit, something what became your routine. Your inner 'I' will send you signals to do it over and over again, to make sure that nothing has changed. It is in our human nature to be afraid of changes. Take it as a habbit, and try to replace it. For instance, when I feel the urge to log in fb, I just visit LoveShack instead. It takes 30 days to learn the new habbit.

 

Same advise to TaylorBe. Your mind is just protesting against the change of your even painful routine, that's probably why it's so painful for you to maintain NC.

 

You were doing your best at the time. When we feel we're losing someone, we start being incredibly ill, lose our selves. You cannot blame yourself for something you cannot control. :) It takes huge changes in your life to change who you are.

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