lost888 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Me and my boyfriend are one year and a half in a Relashionship. We had ups and downs ,breack ups and make ups ,he is 39 and I'm 32 . I asked him yesterday about his plans for our Relashionship ,he answered he never had a plans for other rrlashionships before ,he wants to have peace and Harmoney . It drove me a nuts . I replied I need a perspective and want to know where is going to end . Like living toghetter per example . I don't know he seems just having me for now and this scared me . I don't know if I can handle this plus he isn't moved on from his past . He told me he needs to trust me and I should be patient with him . I'm confused and don't know if I can't handle this anymore .
Feelin Frisky Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Hi lost, I can understand him to a point. And I can understand you to a point. I don't think he's running a mind game on you. What he's probably indicating is that he's happy or at least content and sees change like marriage and plans as challenging complications. Frankly to me that sounds like a pot heads view of the world--on offense. I used to be one--also a user of other recreational drugs where are long as everything is cool today that's all that matters. But I had also been in your position too to some regard. When I was 31, I achieved a major makeover where I lost 120 lbs, stopped smoking, stopped recreational drugs, went back to college, felt my own biological clock and wanted to spend the next few years finding out who it would be that I might marry and if a child or two were in the cards. I didn't think you are at all being unfair or neurotic to want to have some idea of what the future will lead to at your age. He might be passed that a little and thinks that all you get is today. That kinda creates a crisis that can lead to battles and ends of relationships. Personally I chose poorly--I thought I did everything right and score someone who was a firecracker in bed which is what I wanted and was good looking and reasonably smart, and someone unencumbered by other relationships, not lugging around other guy's kids, etc etc. And though we had some terrific times, it turns out she had a complex now called Borderline Personality Disorder which had wrecked her previous marriage. My seemingly perfect match was the match that would light a tinderbox of insanity. What I had hoped to be my marriage turned into a rolled coaster of hurt. I had to move away to get her out of my life and were I moved was the belly of the beast for people who were not on top of their game. I moved to the upper east side of NYC and was confused as ell. I don't think I've ever recovered and other relationships busted. Today, I'm the guy that feels great if today is uncomplicated and there are no plans. But your guy seems to be kinda young for that. Can't you have an intimate chat about your feelings and his? There as to be a reason why he can't decide if he can't propose to you (if that's what you want). Men of 40 usually WANT to end the big question mark of who it's gonna be or if it's gonna be or what. Good luck. Hope you can change you name to "found".
outsidethebox Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 lost, you know he answered your question and you know you need to move on. Each day you don't is going to cause you more mental anguish. 1
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