LoveN Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I know every breakup is different but I was wondering for those who dumped the other person, what allowed you to get feelings to get back with the person? Was it gaining the trust again and after that it was all smooth sailing? (Not regarding cheating 'trust' that's a whole different story) What major thing in your mind that made you want to try again? Personally what happened was lack of affection, I had a difficult time balancing school and my love life but I have worked on myself and eliminated some bad habits that took up unnecessary time. It's been about 2 months, we live together and the main problem is she's afraid to try again and have the same reason being the issue of another break up, I have realized what was going on and done a major change all which led to a better life and more time, I get school work done and more efficiently than ever. The problem right now is her trusting me that it won't be like this again and her getting those feelings back. Once she trust again will she get those feelings back? Although we're not together we've been doing a lot more things together lately and we've been having a great time! She tells me she has a lot of fun and enjoy our time together.
Ex12 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I believe every person is different. Personally as a woman I never took a ex who I broke up with back because my mind was set. When I broke up with someone it was for good. But your girlfriend on the other hand has not moved out yet so that's good. You still spend time together and she seems appreciative about that so that's good too. From my experience because my boyfriend... Ex now were on and off its a good idea to give the relationship the break it needs. I loved my ex and even though I broke up with him multiple times we always ended back together because we felt like we couldn't live without each other. Resentment can damage a relationship and when there is not trust in a relationship what you'll eventually build up is resentment I think and that's something that caused the demise of our relationship. Good luck and take it very easy.
Author LoveN Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Thanks for registering and replying, makes me feel special haha. But yes she did want to move out, I told her we could just finish up the rent and go from there and told her to think about it first before jumping to decisions like that since it was in the heat of the moment. She told me ok but as soon as she finds a place she's going. Over time that stopped and she doesn't even want to look for a place and WANTS to continue it right now so I guess it's positive. Imagine if you broke up with a person that didn't make you feel like you're special even though in his mind you are very special. You just want him to show that he loves you, your way. Would you reconsider trying again? Even though you don't have those feelings at the moment but see that he's showing he cares very much.
Ex12 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 You know what's crazy? That's exactly why our relationship ended. My ex was a veteran and served in the military for 5 years I'm sure hes lost a lot of people and I'm sure because of that it was hard for him to get emotionally attached to someone. I broke up with him pleanty of times and he wanted to work on being more attentive and emotionally available but for some reason now that I'm writing to you I'm beginning to realize myself the fact that he did this for 3 years means something and I was too stubborn to realize it. I kept crying telling him he didn't care and he eventually grew sick and tired of it and gave up. Anyway I would want to work it out. Love for me isn't something that you fall out of or just say I quit. I think when you love someone you would want things to work out no mattter how hard things get. I think you should prove that you care maybe listen to what she likes and as long as it doesn't get in the way of school or work then do these things for her. I mean coming on this site and starting a post to ask for advice is enough proof haha.
Author LoveN Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 That's good to hear, it seems like she wants to try again because one day recently I asked her where she stands with me.. She told me it kinda feels better but she's still not sure about everything yet she said right now she just wants to be alone. I told her if she wants to be alone I'll figure something out and move out at first she didn't like that idea too much then after a while she disliked it even more! She wanted to continue what was going on and said she just needs some space so when we're away I'm not contacting her unless she contacts me but when we're together it'll be normal conversations and having fun. This is the difficult part as she wants space to decide, basically get her feelings for me again with space to see if they're really there. To me her action of not wanting me to move out shows me she wants to work at it? But at the moment she's scared to move into it so fast? That's what i see.
OwlSoul Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 From my experience, I'd get back with someone who would not feel huge pain over the last BU. You never know whether it will work second or third round, so you don't want to hurt the person even more. You always love the one who you loved once. You just behave in a bad manner to push the person away, when you feel you cannot bare the relationship anymore. 2
Author LoveN Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 You'll get back with a person who took the break up easily? At first I took it and left it how she wanted.. She even asked me why am I not as sad and I told her we both make our own decisions and although I don't like it I can't hold you back. But a few days later it hit me very hard. We expressed more of what happened and I cried and asked for another chance, etc. which I shouldn't have.. I wasn't thinking clearly and acted upon my emotions. I realized my mistake and fixed myself and just agreed to it again.. there's nothing I could do, she kept saying her decision was final and I know I had made a huge mistake possibly pushing her further away by acting how I acted. After taking it how it was and just doing my own thing, overtime she began to actually talk to me.. small talk but that led to more things done together.. Now we usually spend some time together watching movies or something everynight before bed and she has been asking to put on a show like before again. It shows me shes putting in effort.. I hope I didn't mess it up by acting how I acted during the breakup. It's good to show a little emotion and that I'm fighting for what I believe in right?
OwlSoul Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 At least I couldn't push myself to get back with the person who felt so much pain. Later on, when I was the one who was dumped, I never showed tears or begged in the dumpers presence. So the dumpers always tried to get back with me. Also, I never said that I am moving on or that I'm letting them go and etc. It was shown by how I was living after the BU.
Author LoveN Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 That makes sense.. I would find that difficult also but hopefully I didn't ruin my chances by showing a bit of that.
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