siankat Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Hahahahah Hey! Maybe you didn't take it ALL in what i wrote He went outside the spoken understanding we had with each other and seemed to have no intention of telling me! Of course there is only one thing i can do. Please don't say that cos i miss .... the feeling. Was attached to the wrong person obviously. He didn't feel the same otherwise he would've been honest.. Love= trust, respect, chemistry
siankat Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Hey Echo...hows it going? I'm at a low ebb :/ Too much work not enough fun and no one close to offload with Wanna humour me and tell me what you thought of the interaction between me and the ex post breakup as written above? Ta muchos
Author Echo000 Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 I think that you emailing him to see if he was okay was nice-- I am sure there were a couple reasons you did so but we are all human beings and at the end of the day I (as you do too it sounds like) wish people the best. The fact that he was sending joke-like texts back suggests to me that he was trying to sound 1. Happy 2. Light (even though, its often not such a light context when talking to an ex) and 3. possibly trying to lure you and see if you would engage in conversation back. But, the fact that you sent him two messages (including the follow up message the next morning) and that he didnt respond, suggests that he really is trying to move on. Its not like your message gave him much to respond with, but i know that if my ex sent me not one but two messages consecutively, I would think she was making an effort to initiate dialogue with me. What was your sense?
siankat Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Spot on. That's what i thought too. What did you think about the original messages before i checked to see if he was ok? My take is it wasn't a real apology from him but a feeler as he tried to add me on facebook again when he wrote it. My response i thought would have most men in hiding as it was a bit of a tongue lashing.. Your thoughts..? Appreciated as always And for me no matter what (unless he beat me up or one of my family), we are not strangers even though nc makes it look as if this is what we are saying, if something awful were to happen to him, even now, i would get involved and help if he asked. He's not one to abuse that power anyway.
Author Echo000 Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 i mean what you wrote was harsh..not saying it was mean or that he didnt deserve it..I could only judge if I had seen the relationship myself. But yea..haha what you wrote was consequential. What do I mean by that? I mean that, what you wrote had a permanency to it. You wrote that after all the time that you two shared, the end proved he was NOT the man you wanted. He did NOT have the qualities you wanted. And that there was NOTHING left you had left to give him or share with him. You then said "Good luck!" which means, PEACE OUT HOLMES!!!! You are out of my life, and I dont plan to ever have you back in it, therefore I am wishing your future (which I wont be apart of) good fortune. And im not saying that any of that is "bad" or overly harsh or mean or wrong of you. I am just saying..that what you wrote was real and consequential. You know what my ex said to me, how she did it? She heard I flirted with an old friend of hers, and wrote me a text that essentially ended everything. It said this: "Please dont contact me anymore. I am done. Thank you". Your message, in many ways, reminded me of what my ex said to me. Yours was not bad like hers, because you did not email him this, breaking up with him. But the finality of what you wrote, reminded me of the finality of what she wrote. I have no idea if you were aware of the finality of your message---i dont know if my ex understood how serious it is when you say goodbye to someone. But people nowadays in general (not saying you) say things with deep meaning and consequence and dont even realize it. Example..people say "F**k you" all the time, but thats a line you are crossing when you say that to someone. Likewise, when we send messages to our exes that are so serious and permanent, that is okay (in the right context of course). As long as that person sending the message really wants what they are saying, because, that is what they will get. My ex, who still possibly thinks I am the "one" (although who knows now what she thinks or feels) said that to me. And because of that, I went away. And his fb adding and other crap? That was utter...crap. If he wanted to have you in his life, if he felt bad or regretful, he should have just SAID THAT. I dont get why people cant just be honest...and i dont think his contact to you was really genuine or honest. So, That is my take.
siankat Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 (edited) Thanks for that I did mean what i said. I wrote a loong serious response to your other thread in one of my posts after hitting the edit button. Then LS said i couldn't send it because it wasn't my most recent post! The gist was that i find it lasting longer getting over 'it' now because there was no drama....no crash and burn at the end, no getting all scarred up and therefore finally feeling nothing as the last straw breaks the camels back. No stone left unturned, no words left unsaid. I handled this breakup maturely because if i don't change my actions, i won't get different results and i want something healthier than what i have been used to. i had that with him, til i didn't. Then it was over. So it's taking me longer to get over it because i am not taking my usual 'recovery medicine' = drama. About where the love goes, i'm not sure i'm the most qualified to answer that but ...i'll have a go. It kind of remains but you are not reminded it of it every day and later in life if nc is upheld, you remember this person and the good times once in a while, then keep on with your life. And the lessons learned are invaluable. The love doesn't die but it becomes something else. How you process and handle these things also changes as you get older. I can't remember if you said this was your first breakup? Also, it is really hard when no one actually did anything wrong. She seemed to have seen some behaviour that she believed was indicative of potential further bad play and seems based on your post, that she from her side, didn't want to find out if her fear would be realised. Maybe you two are too young and if she is special then one day you could get in touch (years down the line maybe). All i know is, from my point of view that once someone has broken one of the sacred things like trust or respect, you can never make back from that. Your love should go back into you because the feelings you felt, came from you Edited April 17, 2013 by siankat typo
Author Echo000 Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 i loved her deeply. she was my first real/serious girlfriend. were a pair officially for almost a year and a half. Around that mark, her jealousy/insecurities along with pressure from friends made me want to go on a break. So i initiated that, and she said she was cool with the break but secretly wasnt and made sure it would blow up in my face. So, once it did, the break made things messy and we ended up breaking up for good. She said she was "too hurt and needed time and space" and could not tell me when we would talk next. I said okay then, and that was it. That. Is it. In a nutshell. P.S Only after I accepted that we were done (after she kept saying it after the whole thing where she thought i was trying to get with her friend), did she immediately say that we should re-enter slowly and that i had to "earn bacK" all her trust and that it would take a long time for her to "forgive me" (as if I cheated on her or something) I told her that i wanted a fresh relationship in which we moved forward, and did not focus on past b.s. She couldnt. She wanted to hold stuff over my head...and i refused to pretty much be her servant. Ironic part was that there was so much stuff that she did while we were actually together that i could hold over her head, and wasnt trying to do that. Yet she tried that, over nothing too. Because she wouldnt move forward, I said I would not be going back. and that is how it was left. Like a shattered toy that was once cherished by a child, and no longer cared about anymore. HA
siankat Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 (edited) Interesting. First off, as you have no break up experience, you have no lessons learned, only your current wits that you choose to put into action so, from that point of view you are handling things well! However, one thing that goes for most if not all people is, we seem to be drawn time and time again to the same types of people, situations and reactions from others so if there is anything you can pinpoint that you do not want in a future union, pay attention to it now and be honest long enough with yourself that you can also see your part in this. I understand that you believe she had done things she could be held accountable for, that you let slide (fair play to you - you need a flexible attitude to make it work), on the other hand she wants the problems fixed before you two can reconcile otherwise they will repeat and you will both be back to where you were before you broke up. FACT. Both are very admirable and valid! (if i understood her point right). What to say really, it is tough, but believe me, i have had exes get in touch from the past and there was no way there would be a reconciliation because of the bad things done and said. I am trying to break that pattern now. You guys don't have that. Basically all is never lost, but you should move on indefinitely. Keep doing what you are doing and ask me anytime if you need a shoulder Edited April 17, 2013 by siankat typo topy tpyo
Author Echo000 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 thanks siankat..i respect and appreciate your response. I agree with you on those things. And if in fact she is giving time so she can fix issues on her end and so I can fix issues on my end, then that is really respectable. Idk exactly what her thoughts/motivations are, but that would be mature if that is the case. And yea im doing pretty well considering this is my first time going through this. I have not broken NC once, and am almost at 90 days now. !
siankat Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 That's great. Not least because you know you CAN do it when you need to. Doing the hard thing that's right and not the easy thing that's possibly wrong You will be fine judging by what you have written. You have depth of emotion but also a strong character and self respect.
Author Echo000 Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 That's great. Not least because you know you CAN do it when you need to. Doing the hard thing that's right and not the easy thing that's possibly wrong You will be fine judging by what you have written. You have depth of emotion but also a strong character and self respect. that is really nice of you to say! You are my LS buddy haha i always enjoy your responses because they are honest and well-intentioned always
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