cavalier99 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 In the future ignore all emails and communication even nice ones. Trust me it is for the best. The problem with even the most breif seemingly innoculous contact is it brings them into your present again even if it is curt and polite communication. Part of NC is that they drift into the past. There is no new information to analyze. Also the consequences of even short communication sometimes isnt even evident for a few weeks. I got a super nice email in December that set me back about a month and i didnt even respond. Anyway youll be fine. Not the end of the world. Id block her or delete any future communication without reading it. I know this sounds imposible but if you get breadcrumbs youll learn that they always mess you up and just plain suck. 2
Author Echo000 Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 damn cav..you a stone cold bad ass motha****! We loved these girls, now we block them. The world of heartache is a mentally challenged one 1
ChrisC81 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I say either don't respond (its been so long it could set you back) or IF you feel like responding with something, make it short and sweet. "Thank you for your concern, I appreciate it. Take care" type of response.
Author Echo000 Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 I say either don't respond (its been so long it could set you back) or IF you feel like responding with something, make it short and sweet. "Thank you for your concern, I appreciate it. Take care" type of response. haha i already responded..read through this thread my friend
siankat Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 @Echo If you are honest with what your motivations are, and honest with what you can legitimately expect from the situation (would it be what you'd want?), then you will know what to do. You probably won't like the answer though And there will come a time when she doesnt dominate your thoughts but going nc is not enough. You have to use this time to put her out your mind and just do the things you know you need to do. It's starting to not sound like its about you and her but about you and you and that's what you need to work on. Be the person you are proud to be. If nothing too devastating has happened during the relationship, after time and the dust has settled (and im talking next year), if you want to get in touch with her do. You are young, you gain nothing by forcing anything and everything by being the better you Aaah i think too much as well but i try and reserve it for writing on your post as i kinda get your situation
Author Echo000 Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 @Echo If you are honest with what your motivations are, and honest with what you can legitimately expect from the situation (would it be what you'd want?), then you will know what to do. You probably won't like the answer though And there will come a time when she doesnt dominate your thoughts but going nc is not enough. You have to use this time to put her out your mind and just do the things you know you need to do. It's starting to not sound like its about you and her but about you and you and that's what you need to work on. Be the person you are proud to be. If nothing too devastating has happened during the relationship, after time and the dust has settled (and im talking next year), if you want to get in touch with her do. You are young, you gain nothing by forcing anything and everything by being the better you Aaah i think too much as well but i try and reserve it for writing on your post as i kinda get your situation haha siankat your a cool guy/girl. Always appreciate the time you take to respond to my posts. These are my honest goals: I am still in love with her. But I want to move on. I deserve a better partner, someone who is stronger and has more going for her. I know this. And yes, I am trying to make it about ME and ME only because thinking about someone else (who you have no control over) can do you no good. I have been doing tons of positive things. Perhaps her email shook me up more than i realized it did- made me think wayyy too much. But F**k it HUH. Siankat lemme ask you, after all the info iv said, what u think. Why would she email me, get a response, and leave it at that? Wtf is that about? Mind you im only asking out of curiosity, not because it matters nor because i am going to do a thing about it!!!
ChrisC81 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 haha i already responded..read through this thread my friend Oops ya I realized it after I posted. My bad
siankat Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Honestly, i can only answer you from my perspective and why i might do something like that. - it could be she just wanted to throw a line out and see what she'd catch (ur reply) and maybe felt cool with that to keep moving on - maybe she is counting the days til replying back - maybe she cared that your gran died and wasnt sure if reaching out was a good idea but finally did it Your message does sound fine and like, have a nice life! Which is fine. I tell you, if you want her back or want to see what's there, there is only one way to do that. Despite what you write, i will never have a proper idea about your situation and even if i heard her side, i still wouldn't. Only you can answer, is she worth it.
Author Echo000 Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 Well lemme tell you one thing I do know for sure: i absolutely REFUSE to initiate anything. Its a weird situation--neither of us can truly be considered the dumper..guess we both dumped each other in a way. BUT she left it at saying some hurtful things (I thought you were different..blah blah blah) and saying she needed time and space and she didnt know when we would speak again. So, because of the hurtful things she did and said at the end, plus the line above about space/time/not knowing..i absolutely would never initiate anything. If that means she never contacts me and we therefore never speak again so be it. I guess to me, its a matter of pride and self-respect (and self-protection from getting heartbroken again). So if there were to ever be ANY dialogue at all, she will have to be the one to say something. Otherwise, i will stay silent forever.
siankat Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 exactly, it's about self respect. All she knows is you replied a nice carefree breezy message back. She doesn't know you are attending this website for solace due to the breakdown of your relationship. I'm the same in that way and i just had a lil setback myself. I know the feeling now, putting your hand in the bear trap because why....there were goodies in there? LOL Ive just had a little taste of how bitter that medicine is and while he hasn't done anything to me since we split, and you ex hasnt done anything bad to you, it seems like the best idea to stay away from these feelings and therefore their triggers. Do you think it's time to find another distraction i.e. another girl? I did try that but they weren't quite the tonic i needed... i'l keep open to it though:)
Author Echo000 Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 haha iv been thinking about that..and i think its time i start looking for other girls. Its been hard cuz i just moved back home recently and most people are still away, but hopefully once i settle in at work i can meet some new females. I bet you that if i started dating another girl, even casually, I would feel much better. Tomorrow marks 11 weeks of NC (besides the email mentioned in this thread). So its been a decent amount of time now.
GB25 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Well lemme tell you one thing I do know for sure: i absolutely REFUSE to initiate anything. Its a weird situation--neither of us can truly be considered the dumper..guess we both dumped each other in a way. BUT she left it at saying some hurtful things (I thought you were different..blah blah blah) and saying she needed time and space and she didnt know when we would speak again. So, because of the hurtful things she did and said at the end, plus the line above about space/time/not knowing..i absolutely would never initiate anything. If that means she never contacts me and we therefore never speak again so be it. I guess to me, its a matter of pride and self-respect (and self-protection from getting heartbroken again). So if there were to ever be ANY dialogue at all, she will have to be the one to say something. Otherwise, i will stay silent forever. Echo I f&ckin love this attitude and outlook bc I am/was in the same situation. my relationship was just a lot shorter but very intense. There was no real dumper but there was things that went down that have me in self preservation/ self respect mode. Its all about pride my man. I got a couple breadcrumbs, but nothing significant. Anyway, if there was ever to be a dialogue btwn us it would havta be her to initiate bc there is no way in hell i am. The way I see it and not that it should really matter but for some reason for me it comforts me is that the other person has no idea the pain we are going through for all they know we have moved on and dont think about them just like we think they dont think twice about us. I havent reached out once in 3 months so for all she knows I have moved on. I know its petty to think like that and I shouldnt care what she thinks but for some reason it makes me feel better.
Author Echo000 Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 nah man i totally understand that..its funny that i have been struggling so hard but from her vantage point its very possible that I am totally doing great and have moved on easily. Like i said, its been almost three months where I have initiated/said nothing..she emailed once on my birthday and once a couple weeks ago. I responded to the second (see earlier parts of this thread). Very brief. Revealed absolutely nothing. Asked no questions. You see, dialogue will never occur unless 1. she initiates it, and 2. Its honest and not some bull**** cryptic email that leaves me wondering what she is saying truly/why she is contacting me. That should all be apparent and obvious, otherwise even contact initiated is not enough for me to take seriously. I have not had friends talk to her for me, had not looked once on her fb and blocked her so she couldnt see mine (and so I wouldnt have to see her--she defriended me, but i blocked her after we stopped talking), etc. So she has nothing to go on. Im not ashamed of finding some peace in that. I take pride in it. Took everything I had to develop a curtain that blocked her out from seeing me.
Author Echo000 Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 today marks 11 weeks exactly...i just dont even know..been a rough ride
Author Echo000 Posted April 11, 2013 Author Posted April 11, 2013 12 weeks 3 days You have had no contact at all?
siankat Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 (edited) i dunno if it's here or some other thread i wrote the specifics on but i got in touch to ask which address he wanted his things sent to as he had moved from where he was staying (this was 10 days after we split). After that was sorted he wrote me a few weeks later to apologise. I wrote back (if ya want i shall show you the messages one from him, one back from me. Then few weeks later he put up a pic of himself on FB on a heart monitor so me being a nurse and still caring about the guy i offered practical support only and never asked him anything or replied back to his attempts at banter. That was it in 12 weeks Edited April 11, 2013 by siankat
Author Echo000 Posted April 11, 2013 Author Posted April 11, 2013 sure, i would be interested to see the apology email/response from you.
siankat Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 From him, english 2nd language and he's a chef so long hours. I split from him 01.12.13. Was in touch about belongings 01.20.13 02.11.13 Hey you I think I got the point now about u telling me how I never wanted to be and I think I made huge steps to there my brother is going to have an operation on his spine and I didn't even talked to him I think I understood the way of Beeing that kind of ******* sorry for all of it From me: 'Sure i thought it was job related til i realised it was also cos u were trolling for girls online and offline the time we dated. i dont trust you. Respect has gone from both sides.To use your brother as an example is sick. The person i realy liked, doesnt exist. You do not have the qualities i need in a close friend/lover. And i cannot give you anything more. Good luck! And i hope your brother makes a full and speedy recovery.' Then when i saw the ECG photo (that he posted twice with different captions and never posts much on fb at all, same profile pic for last 3 years etc) As soon as i wrote the message below...the photo dissappeared from fb 03.02.13 Me: That was me trying to call (was private number as was from skype). I saw your post. If you need help with anything i am still here for you in that way despite everything. Him: Hey thanks a lot for that. Im actually ok. I got electrocuted from a high voltage (thingy) and im still in hospital but it seems even electricity cant kill me I have muscle cramps but that is it. Im just waiting for my new super powers to start Me: Im relieved to hear it wasnt something else and that you are ok. Hope the nurses are taking good care of you. Me the next morning: Hope the doc gave you the all clear to go home and that the muscles cramps have lessened. That was it. Nothing more from him or me.
Author Echo000 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 why did you send him two messages? Sounds like you wanted him to respond
Author Echo000 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 I think i probably did haha how are you now? remind me how long its been for you again? today marks 80 days for me of NC (besides the short email i replied with)
siankat Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 12-13 weeks but 6 weeks i think since the last text. I'm fine. The thing that i have most peace with is how i handled it (i used to be all about the drama and what he did would have in the past been my cue to turn it up a notch instead of bowing out gracefully as i did this time). Even getting in touch when he was in hospital. I wont know if that photo was posted to bait me and if so, he knows me pretty well I'm fine now. Was upset when i saw he was dating his colleague but so what. Women date crappy men all the time
Author Echo000 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 I think i probably did 12-13 weeks but 6 weeks i think since the last text. I'm fine. The thing that i have most peace with is how i handled it (i used to be all about the drama and what he did would have in the past been my cue to turn it up a notch instead of bowing out gracefully as i did this time). Even getting in touch when he was in hospital. I wont know if that photo was posted to bait me and if so, he knows me pretty well I'm fine now. Was upset when i saw he was dating his colleague but so what. Women date crappy men all the time women..smh. weird species. not possible to understand the woman being.
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