HopingAgain Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Warning, major vent coming on.... I had a meltdown on hubby today. For the past almost 3 months since Dday, he's been great at staying away from friends who aren't really friends of our marriage. But yesterday was his best friends sons birthday, sorta like his nephew, and he was over there all day with the guys. (I confirmed this). Not a biggie, but I was triggering really bad and had some anxiety that got better after being in touch with him. But today is his Friends Birthday, and he wanted to go over there again for a few hours even though I wanted family day. I know birthdays are special occassions, and I promise Im not just a bitch...but I told him I really would like him to stay home today and he flat out refused and protested that it was just a few hours... Anyway, my emotions got the better of me, I stormed out leaving him with our twins. I come back about an hour later and he is packing them up in the car to take them with him. He says "See, I have no problem taking the kids" and I said "Good." And went in the house and closed the door. Now I feel a little better for taking my.little stand even though he went anyway, I have some alone time without 2 22 month old twins tearing down the housre around me giving me no time to think. I am counting down the days to counseling begins. We have so much work we need to do! And I am tired of feeling so damn clingy and insecure. I love my husband to pieces, but his selfishness is really getting to me....
ComingInHot Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Hoping, I amSO sorry you're having a tough day. Expect those. Tell H to expect those days. If he is truly wanting to save the M , for now, he needs to pretty much bend to your needs as he's responsible for what you are going through right now. If he needs help w/this, maybe more people like his friends, need to know of his betrayal to you, your children and the M. Maybe if they knew, they would support him in doing what is needed w/in the M. However if these are Not friends of the M, maybe your H needs to choose if it's going to be You and the M or his "friends". But are You ready to accept what his decision through either his verbal answer or his actions Is? Hoping, hang in and know you are not alone*!!
Author HopingAgain Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Hoping, I amSO sorry you're having a tough day. Expect those. Tell H to expect those days. If he is truly wanting to save the M , for now, he needs to pretty much bend to your needs as he's responsible for what you are going through right now. If he needs help w/this, maybe more people like his friends, need to know of his betrayal to you, your children and the M. Maybe if they knew, they would support him in doing what is needed w/in the M. However if these are Not friends of the M, maybe your H needs to choose if it's going to be You and the M or his "friends". But are You ready to accept what his decision through either his verbal answer or his actions Is? Hoping, hang in and know you are not alone*!! Thanks, CIH! His best friend knows about what happened, but he is the type thats jaded from relationships anyway so he doesn't offer too much in terms of support for our reconciliation. My husband has spent very little time with him or other friends in the past months, and I know he has "Cabin Fever", but you are absolutely right in that he needs to understand HE brought these consequences on. He knows that, but Im not convinced he is really OWNING that fact just yet!!! I am pretty much struggling to center myself to the point to where I know that if he chooses to keep behaving in ways that are harmful to our marriage and reconciling, that I will be ok with it and the thought of leaving. Some days I just want to leave so badly and just do it to spare myself the possibility of more pain, this seems like one of those days
Author HopingAgain Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Centering yourself is the biggest thing to help you move forward. It might take some time to find that balance but it can be done. When you do get into counseling be sure to bring up friends who are friends of your marriage and those who are not. Thanks, BentnotBroken! I know how important it is to be at a place where I know I will be fine no matter what the outcome is, so I'm working towards that first Trusting and believing that I will be ok no matter what! I definitely plan to make friends of the marriage as well as boundaries key discussion points in counseling! 2
ComingInHot Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Hoping, It may take a lot longer than you think for your H to "own" the entirety of what he's done and the pain he's caused. It took my H a year and Four months before he had the "oh my God, I can't believe what I've REALLY done and how MUCH damage and pain I've caused" moment. THAT is when we made huge strides in our R.** (this was long After I had threw him out then let him come back!) But it Did happen. He did see* So you take the time you need. Assess and weigh his actions and progress to what You can handle and are Willing to take. You Will find your answer in time. What you Do w/your answer is entirely a different story yet Still up to you* ((Hugs your way))
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