Alia_alia Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 So my newly made bf, whenever we talk about "ex" SOs, he gets really tense when talking, like his voice gets really deep and slow and it's almost like he's reliving certain moments. His ex is out of the country and he says that it could never work between them cuz they weren't compatible. She sends him messages about once or twice a month saying how much she misses him and that she'll wait for him and knows he's the one... He doesn't answer and he says that he's over her and that she's almost completely disappeared from his memory... They broke up a year ago and she still messages him and is still somehow in his memory. He says it's because what they went through was really intense, but once again reassures me that it was not "maintainable" since they were incompatible. I don't know what to make of this. And whenever he gets lost in his mind (i.e just keeps staring at one point for 30 secs), I am worried it's because he's thinking of her. I get really bothered even though he reassures me constantly that it's nothing to be worried about and that he's with me 100%. Do I have any right to be concerned? If so is there anything he can do to make it better.?
Leegh Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Hopefully, she at some point will meet someone new, and she will stop contacting him. He seems to be over her, but he probably does still have some feeling for her, but it is probably not romantic feelings for her now. Maybe it's sort of the way he would feel about a sister.
soccerrprp Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Hopefully, she at some point will meet someone new, and she will stop contacting him. He seems to be over her, but he probably does still have some feeling for her, but it is probably not romantic feelings for her now. Maybe it's sort of the way he would feel about a sister. Leegh, this is a contradiction. Either he's over her or he isn't. AND from what the OP has shared- HE IS NOT!
soccerrprp Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) Read below: So my newly made bf, whenever we talk about "ex" SOs, he gets really tense when talking, like his voice gets really deep and slow and it's almost like he's reliving certain moments. Someone who is over his ex DOES NOT exhibit such behavior, physical changes. He is still yearning for her and mourning the failure of the relationship. You are absolutely right! He is thinking, reliving the time he had with her. His ex is out of the country and he says that it could never work between them cuz they weren't compatible. Of course they were not compatible otherwise they would be together. Or the break-up happened b/c the ex moved? She sends him messages about once or twice a month saying how much she misses him and that she'll wait for him and knows he's the one... There's much more to this than he may be expressing. Why would she even think that he would entertain the possibility that he may get back together with him if they didn't have a very strong relationship? And one that doesn't seem entirely settled or finalized. He doesn't answer and he says that he's over her and that she's almost completely disappeared from his memory... They broke up a year ago and she still messages him and is still somehow in his memory. He says it's because what they went through was really intense, but once again reassures me that it was not "maintainable" since they were incompatible. As far as you know he doesn't answer. You don't know this for certain. She is not "almost" completely disappeared from his memory. What does "almost completely" mean? Your next sentence clearly shows that his memory of her is still fresh. I don't know what to make of this. And whenever he gets lost in his mind (i.e just keeps staring at one point for 30 secs), I am worried it's because he's thinking of her. He may very well be thinking about her and what could have been. I get really bothered even though he reassures me constantly that it's nothing to be worried about and that he's with me 100%. Do I have any right to be concerned? If so is there anything he can do to make it better.? Worry. All the signs are there that he is not over her. Be watchful and take things slowly. You are likely to get hurt if you move too quickly. Crap, Alia_Alia, he's showing you that he's not over her. He still communicates with her. Not saying to dump him, but be very careful. Cautious. Of course he's reassuring you. He's probably needing you to fill his emotional void created by the break-up. Just be cautious. How many times has he dated since the break-up? Why didn't they work out? (Don't ask, just me wondering if he had) And if you're the first since, yikes! Edited March 30, 2013 by soccerrprp
Author Alia_alia Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Read below: Crap, Alia_Alia, he's showing you that he's not over her. He still communicates with her. Not saying to dump him, but be very careful. Cautious. Of course he's reassuring you. He's probably needing you to fill his emotional void created by the break-up. Just be cautious. How many times has he dated since the break-up? Why didn't they work out? (Don't ask, just me wondering if he had) And if you're the first since, yikes! Thanks for the very helpful response!!! It's pretty much exactly the way I feel about it. I am cautious/worried a bit. This is his first time he has a gf after that one. He has "dated" casually a few girls in between. It doesn't seem like he needs an emotional void to be filled. I.e. we were very casual before (and it could have stayed that way), but he was the one wanting to make this serious... He genuinely seems very drawn to me. We are very open(he insists that communication is key in relationships and pushes me to tell him always if something is bothering me, even if something small). He says they dated each other casually for a long time (just like us kind of), but then when they got serious he caught her in a few lies and the she had to leave the country and they broke up but kept in touch for a while and then had an argument so they stopped talking. And then she started messaging him back 4-5 months ago telling him he's the one, etc. He says it was very intense and had very high ups and very low downs and that's why it was not maintainable. Finally he has showed me his entire facebook thread with her and he DOES NOT reply to her. She keeps messaging him like once a month.
soccerrprp Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Hey, I hope it works out, but he's not over her. He could have blocked her on FB, but hasn't. There's no better to try to forget someone than to eliminate the possibility of communication. He still reads what she has to say. She hasn't been blocked. I don't want to sound like a downer, but not only emotionally. He may want, need someone to fill the emotional that can also manifest itself in physical ways. He may miss the physical connectedness he used to have with her. Just be careful. He is not over the breakup. Sorry, I hope it works out. I'm not saying these things b/c I have nothing better to do. I know a little of what is going on here. Or at least, it is very familiar.
AverageCat Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Yea he seems like he's not over her yet. Sorry.....
Treasa Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Yea he seems like he's not over her yet. Sorry..... Are you and Alia_alia the same person?
outsidethebox Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Has he said anything about you on his FB page? Has he changed his status? He should do that so it's clear to others such as his ex that he is involved now.
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