alexuk Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) Hey, So, me and my GF were happy together for 5 months, apart from the last week (according to her) where she lost some of her feelings for me and "wasn't crazy in love" and said "sometimes I feel like I love you, sometimes I don't". Now most of my friends told me to go complete no contact with her for 1-2 weeks after the split, having poor control I did 24 hours and went back to texting her, asking how shes feeling, and going through our relationship and how I did a lot for her, was good for her.. etc. I was coming across desperate but through the 7 days from the breakup till now, she's sent a lot of mixed messages. 3 days of the 7 shes agreed to get back with me, but was a bit cold with me after, she'd constantly say "I've thought about it, and everything tells me to try again, lets try again", then she'd be cold after and I knew it wasn't real. She'd also say "I need time to miss you, at the moment I love and miss you, I need time to see my feelings>" We pretty much still spoke, which was probably a huge mistake, up until Thursday when she agreed to meet me Saturday, but on Friday she said we'll just have this discussion again and it'll be sad and she isn't sure.. Complete mixed responses all week. "Part of me wants to do it again, part doesn't, I feel like I'm making a mistake, but I don't know" As well as this, shes going through huge stress at school and is about to fail getting into uni, and have to retake 1 year of her course.. with her family ontop of her stressing her making her wanna get into uni, so I doubt this helps. Last night we spoke a great deal online, and by text, and I said r u sure...etc. The whole time she sends mixed messages, and today she said let's not meet. I sent her a lot of messages on this IM service for iphones (this iphone instant messenger) and she immediately read them all fast, but kept not replying.. I feel my main mistakes have been not giving her space, and coming across desperate to get her back.. I haven't spoken to her now for about 8 hours and said it's best we don't talk for a few weeks.. This girl told me she loved me daily for the whole 5 months, and literally switched her feelings off/stopped saying it 1 day before she dumped me, which made me hurt/angry at her for being like this. I am not sure how to get her back and would have quit by now, but she keeps changing her mind and saying she isn't sure.. I mean, is there a way back if she truely cared for you, if you've shown a bad side of yourself and been a "text messaging terrorist", texting tonnes asking to try again/coming across crazy/desperate? would this wipe away any chance, if this girl supposedly loved me n said so for the whole time?" Any advice would be appreciated. thanks Edited March 30, 2013 by alexuk
lissa90 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 If you were ever to get back with her, I do not believe you will be 100 percent secure anymore. You will always be wondering whether or not this girl will change her mind. You may need constant reassurances which is not healthy. It would be totally understandable since this girl seems to be very confused which has ultimately will have given you these insecurities. I guarantee you, because she has messed you around., you will not feel secure with her anymore. The only way forward is to either get closure or to go try NC again. You must be feeling alot pain, hurt and confusion but the relationship with her would be flawed now. 1
anna121 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 A long time ago, I was dating a pretty great guy but about one year in I had that feeling of "wow, I'm not sure I'm really in love with you". I should have ended it right then. I didn't, and I've always regretted it. Not that the relationship was terrible, but I stayed for the wrong reasons. If she actually claims to be mixed up (many women won't even go that far), then her feelings are NOT THERE. Not in the way you want them to. Walk away. Find someone who wants you, completely and unambiguously.
destroyed4sho Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 If you were ever to get back with her, I do not believe you will be 100 percent secure anymore. You will always be wondering whether or not this girl will change her mind. You may need constant reassurances which is not healthy. It would be totally understandable since this girl seems to be very confused which has ultimately will have given you these insecurities. I guarantee you, because she has messed you around., you will not feel secure with her anymore. The only way forward is to either get closure or to go try NC again. You must be feeling alot pain, hurt and confusion but the relationship with her would be flawed now. Yes, in these situations you have to treat it as black and white. Either she is going to want you 100%, entirely, all of you, your bad points and good OR nothing at all. Someone on here had written that Indecision usually indicates the dumper has made the right decision (which is not to be with you). Just go NC and leave her alone.
McGriff Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Dude, listen to me---I'm almost in exact situation. Spent 5 amazing months and suddenly she splits. I made the same mistakes you are making. You are too needy right now, I know the panicky feelings and whatnot, but you HAVE TO GIVE HER SOME SPACE. Please. Mine was giving me the mixed signals as well, but that neediness will push her away! Pull back, it's the hardest thing you will ever do, but trust me on this...she needs to feel what life will be like without you. Give her time to miss you. At least a couple weeks, and I guarantee you she will contact you in that time. Maybe not to get back together right away, but she will wonder where you went, and if she is losing you.i am 5 weeks from BU, and haven't heard from her in 5 days. I just have to let her go and if she comes back, I'll deal with that and if she doesn't, I'll deal with that to. Take back your power and dignity, it's all you have. I heard a quote recently, and it applies to both your and my situations: "the best negotiating position is being able to walk away and never look back". Think about it. 1
Author alexuk Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Thanks for the replies so far.. Going NC is insanely hard but I guess it's where I've gone wrong so far..it'd be less annoying if she kept her decision the same from day one but being in that situation where each day she says a different thing is hard.. I'm gonna go NC for at least a few weeks.. I guess this will help her realise or if she doesn't then help me move on.. The odd thing is she'd text me daily n lay on top of me in bed n whisper she loved me only a few days before the dump .. If I was an idiot and texted her a lot of stuff in a desperate attempt to get her back could that kill it or should her feelings still mean I'd have a chance ?
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