Author Star Gazer Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 You can find out a lot about a man's character by the anecdotes they choose to tell. That's why it's a good idea to let the man talk early on Mmmhmmm...
rocketman122 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I went to lunch with someone yesterday who said he'd been dating a woman, and after establishing exclusivity after 3 dates in 2 weeks, she started texting him with things like, "Good morning, handsome!" He said this was a red flag, as she shouldn't be doing that until they've been dating for several months. I didn't find it that all that weird. Do you? No, I dont think it is weird at all. seems the women I dated were the same. I was with them the same. they loved the attention.
curlygirl40 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I don't find it strange at all. I have had SEVERAL guys do this to me as well and thought it was sweet. You know what cracks me up in thinking about it? Imagine how much fun Seinfeld would have with these issues if the show was still on. Facebook friending, good morning texts, oh the fodder for a show like that would be priceless. 3
curlygirl40 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Oh and I forgot to add, as a girl even though I don't think it's weird, I don't think I would do this with a guy at an early stage for fear of looking clingy. Too many rules and they all change depending on the person you're with. Oy
soccerrprp Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Oh and I forgot to add, as a girl even though I don't think it's weird, I don't think I would do this with a guy at an early stage for fear of looking clingy. Too many rules and they all change depending on the person you're with. Oy Those dogone rules! People are finding it more and more diffcult thinking for themselves it seems. Dating has become so darn confusing and unpredictable and more treacherous. 1
dasein Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 He may be making a reasonable inference that this is a prelude to a regimented contact schedule before he thinks such appropriate. I try to keep an open mind about it, but every time such ensues, it leads nearly directly to an expectation of lunch contact, evening contact, then goodnight contact, then feeling fit to an agenda before it's time or I'm ready for such. The last time I experienced such, she brought her -son- to my house unannounced after starting such contact less than one month into dating. Many men may have baggage with respect to this type of behavior.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 He may be making a reasonable inference that this is a prelude to a regimented contact schedule before he thinks such appropriate. I try to keep an open mind about it, but every time such ensues, it leads nearly directly to an expectation of lunch contact, evening contact, then goodnight contact, then feeling fit to an agenda before it's time or I'm ready for such. The last time I experienced such, she brought her -son- to my house unannounced after starting such contact less than one month into dating. Many men may have baggage with respect to this type of behavior. I get it, I do. But he said that those sorts of texts shouldn't be sent for several months after dating. Several months?!
dasein Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Agree he's being dramatic about it if he uses "red flag." But once again, could be baggage speaking.
Treasa Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I can see both sides. On the one hand, I let go of my baggage after a long time of accumulating it, and I don't date others who are still lugging theirs around. On the other hand, too many rules takes away the fun of it. If you're digging someone, and you aren't hurting anyone else, enjoy. If not, get out. I think I've become entirely too mellow in my old age. 1
dasein Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Well we all have baggage, when it's right it's called "experience," when it unduly affects navigating relationships at the expense of reason and fairness dealing with individuals is when it gets to be "baggage." 1
MrCastle Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I don't find it strange at all. I have had SEVERAL guys do this to me as well and thought it was sweet. You know what cracks me up in thinking about it? Imagine how much fun Seinfeld would have with these issues if the show was still on. Facebook friending, good morning texts, oh the fodder for a show like that would be priceless. https://mobile.twitter.com/seinfeldtoday 3
Ruby Slippers Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Why is this guy talking about his ex on your first date? A first date should be about YOU and HIM. As I recall, the last guy did this, too. Man, I would never ever ever complain about my ex on a first date - or second - or third. That's right up there with talking about your period cramps. He wanted exclusivity after only 3 dates, yet he is concerned about this type of text? He's the one with issues! Lol Seriously lol Yup, it was a date, and I felt the cool, but it was moreso the comment, "She knows my situation, that I'm divorced" that precipitated his complaint about her text, that did it. It was like he was saying, "Look here, I'm not looking for anything serious." I appreciated hearing it though, for the obvious reason... Yep, woo hoo for flashing the emotionally touchy/unavailable sign! Saves you TONS of time and angst on another wishy-washy guy You can find out a lot about a man's character by the anecdotes they choose to tell. That's why it's a good idea to let the man talk early on For real. They tell you everything... if you listen to what they actually say, rather than what you want to hear. 1
Author Star Gazer Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Why is this guy talking about his ex on your first date? A first date should be about YOU and HIM. As I recall, the last guy did this, too. Man, I would never ever ever complain about my ex on a first date - or second - or third. That's right up there with talking about your period cramps. I really don't think this is all that bizarre in the context of how these things come up, and I think that being put-off that someone talks about an ex or someone they once dated is a little...off-putting in and of itself. You're just as aggrieved by this, as he is about the texts. He wasn't talking about an ex-GF. He was talking about someone he had 3 dates with. And it came up because we were set up by mutual couple-friends, and laughing about that, and it came up that they've set him up before, and I asked, "And how'd that go?" and he explained about the last woman they set him up with. It always comes up in a playful way, with the regular, comfortable flow of conversation. And as ES said: Why would I prevent them from just sharing whatever they want to share? Tells me a lot. 1
tbf Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I really don't think this is all that bizarre in the context of how these things come up, and I think that being put-off that someone talks about an ex or someone they once dated is a little...off-putting in and of itself. You're just as aggrieved by this, as he is about the texts. He wasn't talking about an ex-GF. He was talking about someone he had 3 dates with. And it came up because we were set up by mutual couple-friends, and laughing about that, and it came up that they've set him up before, and I asked, "And how'd that go?" and he explained about the last woman they set him up with. It always comes up in a playful way, with the regular, comfortable flow of conversation. And as ES said: Why would I prevent them from just sharing whatever they want to share? Tells me a lot.This is a good thing. You're starting to see past what they say and look to impacts on future incompatibilities. One fairly consistent "rule" is that when a guy tells you something negative about himself, believe it and take it to heart, from the perspective of whether or not you can live with this issue long-term since the only person anyone should change for, is themselves. Not saying this is you but with many women, they try to change their partners because they're attracted to potential. But potential is meaningless if it never crystallizes, where the only person who can crystallize their potential, is the person themselves. Change for others rarely sticks where most often, change through traumatization does since trauma appears to short-cut the brain's reward center by triggering neurochems that generate anxiety. 1
iKING Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Personally I find his reaction to be a bit strange, It's really not a "red flag". A cute good morning text from someone you're interested is an awesome way to start the day in my opinion. Heck, I even like good morning/random texts from friends! How could it be a bad thing to know you're on someone's mind? 5
Imajerk17 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I went to lunch with someone yesterday who said he'd been dating a woman, and after establishing exclusivity after 3 dates in 2 weeks, she started texting him with things like, "Good morning, handsome!" He said this was a red flag, as she shouldn't be doing that until they've been dating for several months. I didn't find it that all that weird. Do you? Its no more weird than being exclusive after such a short time. If you are into someone enough to be exclusive you ought to welcome those texts. In fact it is a big red flag that he finds "good morning" texts to be a red flag. 3
tuxedo cat Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Personally I find his reaction to be a bit strange, It's really not a "red flag". A cute good morning text from someone you're interested is an awesome way to start the day in my opinion. Heck, I even like good morning/random texts from friends! How could it be a bad thing to know you're on someone's mind? You are...normal. I like it. 1
Treasa Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Its no more weird than being exclusive after such a short time. If you are into someone enough to be exclusive you ought to welcome those texts. In fact it is a big red flag that he finds "good morning" texts to be a red flag. You're definitely one of the healthier, more sane dudes around here. 1
tuxedo cat Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Just to play devil's advocate if a guy sent me a good morning text every morning after only three dates I might find it a little...formulaic? It's not because it would be too much contact but I'd wonder if he was just doing it because he felt like it was something he should do. Still the occasional good morning text would make me smile, and I'd love receiving spontaneous texts at other points in the day. But even regular good morning texts wouldn't put me off so much that I would complain about it to others. 2
Author Star Gazer Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Its no more weird than being exclusive after such a short time. I don't think that's weird at all.
Estate Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING NEFARIOUS ABOUT THIS! Geez! Some people have rules that simply don't make any sense. Well there sort of *is*... It's not the WORST thing in the world and she might be harmless but a girl who pushes things forward to fast in general including exclusivity this soon, and sending these morning texts *too much* raises major red flags for me.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) Well there sort of *is*... It's not the WORST thing in the world and she might be harmless but a girl who pushes things forward to fast in general including exclusivity this soon, and sending these morning texts *too much* raises major red flags for me. Who says she pushed for exclusivity? We have no way of knowing. For all we know, he asked for it and now she's just responding appropriately. I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if that's in fact the case here. Him: "I'd like to be in an exclusive relationship with you." Her: "Okay, deal." Her: "Good morning, handsome!" Him: "You're moving things waaaaay too fast there, lady!" Perhaps another instance where someone says something they really don't mean (about wanting and being capable of a relationship). Edited March 30, 2013 by Star Gazer
Author Star Gazer Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Even if he didn't ask for exclusivity, he clearly agreed to it and it was established...so him thinking she was moving way too fast with a mere text message after that is a flag. I'd steer clear of this guy from here on out. I agree. His reaction given the circumstances if more of a red flag than her GM texts are.
EasyHeart Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 It depends. Is she sending them EVERY morning? Because that would annoy me with someone I've been dating for months. And does she expect a response? If she's sitting around waiting for me to respond or gets upset if I don't respond, that would bug me. And occasional 'thinking of you' message is fine if you have seen each other in a few days, but I'm not a big fan of mandatory contact. 1
tbf Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 So maybe this issue is more about incompatible pacing. Some prefer to get close quickly, where others prefer to take a much slower pace. In Star's situation, she prefers to get close quickly where this guy needs someone who isn't as emotionally open at the outset. In retrospect, I lean less emotionally open at the outset unless the guy opens up to me first. That's my danger point since when it happens, I open up quickly. How this can play out is if the guy's inconsistent, blowing hot and cold, I shut down emotionally since trust is lost. If the guy continues to be emotionally open, then trust and intimacy deepen, and the relationship progresses. I'm sharing the above about myself as an insight to people who might be similar in emotional landscape or people who might be different but can learn something from it, when they encounter a partner who's similar to me. 3
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