Guy who says he's not ready to date?

[santonio51]

So I had been dating this guy that's in one of my university classes for about two and a half weeks. We met at a bar one night and I ended up going home with him that night, but we only made out; nothing more. A couple days later he took me ice skating and out to eat that night. We spent St. Patties Day together, I met his friends, he told me about his school life, his family, what he wants to do in the future, and I did the same. We both felt very comfortable with each other and we even told each other how much we like eachother. A couple days later one thing moved to another and we ended up sleeping together. We both lost our virginities to eachother. (by the way we are both 20, almost 21) One night I had went over to his house (upon arrival he gave me a kiss) and when we were casually talking I brought up the conversation "so what are we doing?" I did not ask for a relationship, I just wanted to know where "we stand". He responded by saying that he's very busy with school, his best friend just moved away, he recently "reconnected with an old friend", and that his job is on the line at the moment, but he would like to take things slow and see how it goes and I agreed. The next day I got a long text from him saying that he's been thinking about this a lot and that we both seem to want different things at this point, that hes not ready to date, he's got a lot going on in his life at the moment, that this was a very hard decision for him to make and that he's upset sending this text because he didnt want me to be upset and didnt want to lead me on anymore.

Does anyone have any clue with what's going on in this boys mind? He also told me that he still really wants to be friends.

This wouldn't be so hard for me if I didn't have such strong feeling for him still, but I do and I'm not sure if he actually has feelings for me too or if he's just too scared to be in a relationship.

[TaraMaiden]

If a guy likes a girl he would not care what's going on in his life. He doesn't want to date you. He is not that into you. Please don't waste your time. Such relationships never work out since he is not that interested from the beginning, can you imagine a couple of years down the road. He got what he wanted from you. I don't even think he deserves the time you're are wasting thinking about him.

I would say, don't talk to him anymore. Keep it casual. Find someone who's really interested in you and who absolutely adores you.

 

Spot on.

QFT.

[hazeleyes2013]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Personally, I am someone who believes that when a guy says he doesn't want to date or have a relationship, he means it...there is no underlying meaning. Right now, being friends with him is a bad idea. You weren't friends before, there is no need to be friends now. I tried the "let's be friends" scenario and it only ends badly...and whatever you do DON'T sleep with him again! Surround yourself with your true circle of friends and lean on them for support. I think this guy did you a favor...I know it hurts but you are so much better off finding out now. YOu deserve a guy that treats you well!

[Cutiepie1976]

Please believe what he says rather than rationalizing it as fear to be overcome or being busy. He doesn't want a relationship with you. Don't fall for his "let's stay friends" offer either. Most likely, he'll turn you into a F-buddy for casual encounters when it suits him, and otherwise ignore you and string you along by excusing it as being busy, swamped, worried, whatever with everything else...but interested nonetheless.

 

If you're looking for more than a one night stand or a casual hookup, my advice is to have the "what are we doing" discussion beforehand not afterwards...while you're both vertical and clothed. Look at the totality of the person's actions and make sure they match his words.

 

On the bright side, at least you had the discussion and now know where you stand. This could have gone on for months otherwise.