Eternal Sunshine Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 If someone dissapoints you or hurts your feelings, do you tell them off? Or do you bottle it up and put on a pleasant act? I am good at burning bridges because if someone rattles me enough, they will get my unedited thoughts that are most often not very nice or pleasant. This person is usually stunned but then starts to avoid me I often kicked myself for being so impulsive, but have found that it's better for me in the long run to have them out of my life anyway. It's like, my emotions and feeling hurt ARE valid and are a flag that this person is not a positive influence in my life. I have also found that some people will be willing to look at themselves, why they triggered my hurt feelings and outburst and work with me to perhaps even strengthen the relationship. Essentially, those that I lose are no loss anyway. Thoughts?
Shepp Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 For me It would depend on the emotion. If someone made me dissapointed or sad then I'd probably just keep that to myself. I havent really got a reason, I'd just either think 'get over it' or 'well you've learnt something about them'. I guess I wouldnt bother saying anything becuase it just wouldnt bother me for that long! If someone made me angry - well there'd know about that!! :L Tbh I tend to regret losing my cool but i cant help it, i just see red and my tounge runs away with me! I reckon I inheritied that gem from my grandad! :L I don't think its something you can change, i think its part of your personality and your just born with it! 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 For me It would depend on the emotion. If someone made me dissapointed or sad then I'd probably just keep that to myself. I havent really got a reason, I'd just either think 'get over it' or 'well you've learnt something about them'. I guess I wouldnt bother saying anything becuase it just wouldnt bother me for that long! If someone made me angry - well there'd know about that!! :L Tbh I tend to regret losing my cool but i cant help it, i just see red and my tounge runs away with me! I reckon I inheritied that gem from my grandad! :L I don't think its something you can change, i think its part of your personality and your just born with it! Yes it's mostly when someone has made me angry and I feel they are out of line! My mum is the same.... When someone has made me sad, it's usually because my expectations of them were too high which can be my own fault.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 When I was younger, I used to flip out a little bit if somebody hurt me or pissed me off, but now that I'm older, I tend to just ignore it and move on (message boards notwithstanding). Especially with girls, because so much of what they do is to get a reaction out of you, and they can be very skilled at making you make yourself look bad. If a girl is pushing buttons, I ignore it and eventually ignore them. If its somebody I care about, I will cool down and then talk to them later about the issue. Interestingly, in my marriage, even though my W would go berserk, I tended to be cool about it and deal with it appropriately.
Treasa Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I used to. I used to bomb that Goddamn bridge to smithereens. Now if I get mad about something, I'll very quickly ask myself why it's making me so angry. And continue to probe (I've become quite adept at this) until I figure out what my belief is, deep down, and if that belief is being challenged, or if I feel like I'm threatened or scared of something. This process used to take minutes, and now it takes a couple of seconds. The couple of seconds is helpful, because it allows me to give a rational response. And it occasionally makes the person begin to worry a tiny bit, especially if they know how fast I used to lose my temper. I would have to say that I don't get particularly angry anymore, so there's not much to bottle up or express rage at. This has been, and will continue to be, an ongoing process, though. I have to work at it, but it's done wonders for me and the people around me. That being said, if anyone hurt that which I truly do love more than myself, such as my mom, my grandma, or my animals, I would torture and hurt them beyond belief. 1
ffw Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I guess my line of thinking is similar to Treasa. We all have our problems, but the way we solve them is what makes us different. Whenever these kinds of feelings (anger, dissapointement, etc..) arises, it gives me an inner reflection of who I am. It makes me understand myself better. You see anger, jealously, resentement, etc..is like taking poison & thiking its affecting the other person. Long time back, I read a well written article on this. The writer compared feelings to the image in the mirror. Does the mirror tells us what it see's? No. I know it's a thing In similar way, feelings comes & goes, the mirror (we) have the strength not to act on it. Hope it makes sense.
Divasu Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) I've had many knee jerk responsive outbursts. And, I've hated myself afterwards for losing control like that. Other times, I've felt a huge wave of release and peace afterwards. My current temper flares with driving/traffic, I still haven't tackled that one successfully. I have no patience with it. But, it's okay if I yell/tell off a jerky driver. Haha, one time a guy was tailgating me from behind so I purposely slowed down to annoy him and he finally drove past me and yelled out "f*cking whore" as he passed me. It didn't make me angry, I laughed. What I've found helpful, is learning how to discipline yourself and self-control. It's sometimes hard. It takes a lot of practice and concentration but it's achievable. Edited March 30, 2013 by Divasu spelling
carhill Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I process things slowly, reflective of the respect for the 'red tape' and knowing what I'm capable of. Better , and safer, to promote and adopt a more measured view of circumstances. So, I would say, in the heat of the moment, I don't 'react' without forethought or consideration, unless an exigent threat is perceived. Other people just aren't important enough, save for that one exception, to merit such. The closest I came were certain moments with my exW when we were divorcing. Some unfiltered (and IMO cruel) thoughts did leak out. Generally, I would opine, if your style does not impact the health and maintenance of your interpersonal relationships in generally negative way, then it 'works' for you. Everyone is different. As an example, if you have long-term valued friendships with others, then apparently your style is compatible with theirs. It works. If other, other.
hppr Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I rarely feel the need to 'tell someone off' because it takes extremes for me to get to that point. I've found this to be a negative quality when it comes to relationships since I seem to attract very angry, emotional women.
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