jkepler85 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) On Wednesday night I decided the best thing was to just cut all the cords and leave everything in the past. Thursday at noon I get a message from the ex (dumper), "Hey, if you wanna do anything, lemme know". I didn't reply immediately. I was perplexed because I hadn't had anything but brief contact for a couple weeks and the the last thing I understood was she wanted to be left alone. So, I let that simmer until I get home late at night. I respond and ask her what's going on, why the sudden 180. She says it's been a few weeks, and she's feeling horrible about everything and she feels alone and she just wants a hug. She told me she was sorry for breaking my heart and asked about some other things that we used to share and other things about my life. I tell her I'm sorry she's feeling bad and that I'm busy the next few days, but if I find myself free I might drop her a line. Soooooo..... This brings several possibilities to light. A) She's reaching out with feelers to see if I'm shipped out B) She's wondering if maybe doing some activities might spark some emotions. C) She's lonely and feeling the consequences of her decision and wants me to help her get over me D) She is just plain lonely and wants a hug. My response to C) would be you reap what you sow. A, B, and D have variable responses, all of which requires some detachment. Now I'm over the hurt, over the breakup even forgive her for these past things, but I wouldn't say I'm over her at least I haven't decided what to do about her. I still have some desire to attempt to reconcile, but it is contingent on a number of things, namely: 1)her desire to want something better than what we had 2)her ability to contribute to make #1 a reality She seems to be coming from a place of weakness which doesn't bode well for reconciliation if that is in fact her intent. Also she is being direct and communicating her needs which is a positive thing, which I feel like should be acknowledged/rewarded at the least. My Potential Responses: A) Ignore B) Respond with "Hey I appreciate your being direct and communicating with me, but I'd like to take a rain check." C) "Why do you want to hang out? Reconcile, weaning yourself off me, just want some company?" D) Go give her a hug and say, hang in there kid, you'll make it through this. E) Give her a hug and go bowling or something low key. Have a good time without any expectations. I'm pretty stable, not sad, mad or depressed about it, I don't think I'd turn into a pile of mush if I saw her. I'd be able to keep my cool. I've forgiven and accepted what's happened. I am a scosh lonely, but I've even been talking to some gals and going on some dates of the past week or two. She wouldn't get to move to the front of the line in that respect, she'd have to play ball like everyone else. Edited March 30, 2013 by jkepler85
Lostint Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I'd just like to point out that that's not true. I've never gone straight to another man when I dumped someone. In fact I'm usually single for months in between relationships. We're not all the same you know! 6
Author jkepler85 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 That's not true, things had been pretty darn rocky. So I wouldn't say there had been no reason. I would actually agree that breaking up was probably the best thing for us. We had gotten into some bad patterns and I know I needed something drastic to make me take a few steps back to get a good view of things and do some reflection.
Compromize Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 My ex just read my mind this morning. Have not heard anything from her in several weeks and today.... A breadcrumb. And it was more like another goodbye; how she realizes how much she didn't provide me, how she didn't give me enough but I am her one true love of a lifetime and wishes me happiness. It really hurts. She really believes that she wasn't enough and tells herself that when that was so far from the truth and I know deep down she knows that what she is telling me is a lie. This sucks. I want so badly to respond. This was in a way the answer to my question to her of us reconciling. Another goodbye.
Author jkepler85 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Yeah, I'm not going to accept breadcrumbs and you shouldn't either. Only respond if she brings an offer you value to the table. 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 On Wednesday night I decided the best thing was to just cut all the cords and leave everything in the past. Thursday at noon I get a message from the ex (dumper), "Hey, if you wanna do anything, lemme know". ..... My Potential Responses: A) Ignore B) Respond with "Hey I appreciate your being direct and communicating with me, but I'd like to take a rain check." C) "Why do you want to hang out? Reconcile, weaning yourself off me, just want some company?" D) Go give her a hug and say, hang in there kid, you'll make it through this. E) Give her a hug and go bowling or something low key. Have a good time without any expectations. A is correct. Go with it. B, C, D and E don't even get a look-in. If she contacts you again, just go straight to A. Again.
Author jkepler85 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 It just sucks to have spent 10% of your life with someone and have to leave it all behind. It's happened twice to me now. 6 years of my life that I have had to leave behind. 1
iouaname Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I can't remember where I heard this quote, but it's sooo true: "As soon as you stop thinking about them, they'll send you a message or they'll call you, because they know you just stopped thinking about them. It's like a radar." 2
Author jkepler85 Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 She sprinkled some more bread crumbs the other day, telling me she got a new job and was going to stay in the city (she was thinking about leaving). Said when she had some money after her first paycheck she'd drop me a line. I have gone on a few fun dates with another gal at this point, so part of me hopes she doesn't message me and part of me hopes she does.
Author jkepler85 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 well I cut the last ties today and removed her from Facebook. I didn't want to be the guy she turns to when she's lonely or wants attention, only to walk away once she gets it.
Hey505 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 well I cut the last ties today and removed her from Facebook. I didn't want to be the guy she turns to when she's lonely or wants attention, only to walk away once she gets it. Good job. I have once made that mistake and went running back to my ex when she was lonely and needed a hug. I feel like a fool now of course. I gave her a hug and told her everything would be okay when the boy she LEFT ME FOR, dumped her. What the hell was I doing?! Anyway I've learned from my mistakes, make sure you don't make the same ones as me. Continue with these dates with other girls, it'll only get better from there. I promise (:
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