soccerrprp Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 God forbid the women made suggestions as well. I dont know why its such a "turnoff" for a grown adult women to be asked where she might want to eat My god women are difficult My experience has been that the ladies, when they find out that I'm a vegetarian, ask me if it's okay to find a place where we're both comfortable. Because they are not vegetarians, they leave it up to me so that I'm okay as well. Still, the ladies want the guy to take some initiative, charge. But compromise is always an option.
StanMusial Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Maybe OLD is different but I usually find out enough about a girl by talking to her to figure out a date plan. Then I would make reservations. I don't leave anything to chance. For instance if a girl mentioned she likes wine or something I would pick a place with a good wine selection. Or if she likes comedy clubs I would hook that up. When I met my gf she talked about horses so I took her riding. 2
dasein Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I hear you, but if the focus is on meeting and not eating then what's wrong with a coffee house date? Because chain coffee houses are trite places to meet people, IMO the equivalent of McDonalds. While the emphasis is on meeting not eating, the guy should choose as interesting an environment as possible, a trendy restaurant with appetizers and a bar to sit next to the date usually works for me. I've never been to one of those that served only meat options, so vegetarians should have little complaint. If a particular woman has strong opinions on first date dining and activities, she should be asking men out on first dates regularly and be more proactive. If she isn't doing so proactively and regularly, she can accept reasonable suggested date locations without much comment. Also, if it's been agreed to have a dining date, then consideration should be placed on the venue that would be good for both, don't you think? Sure, provided the person with the special preferences makes it crystal clear that the first date will be dutch before the date. Interestingly enough, in all the many first dates I've had in my life, that's something I've yet to hear... ever.
SteveC80 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 God forbid the women made suggestions as well. I dont know why its such a "turnoff" for a grown adult women to be asked where she might want to eat My god women are difficult I have no problem with it since its basically women saying im in charge i make the decisons i run the operation and tell you what to do and i like it Lets be honest women are goofy they cant make a simple decision to save their life i know its not pc to say but men are just smarter and better decision makers in alot of ways Women are aloof and naive in life in a lot of areas
Lonely Ronin Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Women like when men take charge AND get it right. It shows that he has payed close enough attention to choose something she'll personally like. I think this is why so many guys fail, they don't get this at all. 2
soccerrprp Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Because chain coffee houses are trite places to meet people, IMO the equivalent of McDonalds. While the emphasis is on meeting not eating, the guy should choose as interesting an environment as possible, a trendy restaurant with appetizers and a bar to sit next to the date usually works for me. I've never been to one of those that served only meat options, so vegetarians should have little complaint. If a particular woman has strong opinions on first date dining and activities, she should be asking men out on first dates regularly and be more proactive. If she isn't doing so proactively and regularly, she can accept reasonable suggested date locations without much comment. Okay, I was thinking first dates for this. Beyond that, yeah, I agree. Sure, provided the person with the special preferences makes it crystal clear that the first date will be dutch before the date. Interestingly enough, in all the many first dates I've had in my life, that's something I've yet to hear... ever. What? You've never discussed a venue that would work for both? As a guy, I come up with ideas and then ask if it's okay with the lady. Never a discussion? But, perhaps this has much to do with the fact that I have different dietary requirements than the date... Please read within the quoted text.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Also, I'd like to add the emphasis is not on eating, or the other person, but on having a good time. Ideally you and the other person are having a good time together. 2
KathyM Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 People I know IRL who have a tendency to seldom be satisfied with the suggestions their partner has on where to go on dates, tend to be very controlling people who have a hard time going along with what their dating partner suggests. This plays out in other ways too, which is probably why these people have either divorced or are married to very passive people who always seem to let the more controlling one have their way. Just sayin . . . If someone invites you out on a date, it shouldn't need a lot of renegotiation about the venue. It also indicates a high maintenance person that is difficult to please if they have a problem with your suggestion for no valid reason. 4
dasein Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I can't remember the last time a woman questioned a first date plan in any way. That's probably due to a combination of taking the time to pick cool places or activities in their immediate area and screening out on "fussiness" generally. My mother, whom I love dearly, will make special custom orders from a drive through $1 menu, so I fill up my "fussy quota" with her and some of my friends' GFs and wives just fine without having to endure more of it dating. Those who don't get enough fussiness in their lives otherwise are certainly free to date all those types they like.
PJKino Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I think this is why so many guys fail, they don't get this at all. I think most guys get what women want what we dont get is why the onus is all on the guy where the women just sits back and judges and the man has to pass numerous tests to prove hes worthy
StanMusial Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I think most guys get what women want what we dont get is why the onus is all on the guy where the women just sits back and judges and the man has to pass numerous tests to prove hes worthy It makes sense when you find a girl, who HERSELF is worthy of YOUR courtship. I will admit they are increasingly rare these days. If/when you find one you'll know what I'm talking about.
AD1980 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Overly submissive women always struck me as chasing after a father figure or another daddy as opposed to a partner.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I think most guys get what women want what we dont get is why the onus is all on the guy where the women just sits back and judges and the man has to pass numerous tests to prove hes worthy lol, it's not all on men, that's a BS cop out. A guy can be very "take charge", and still be very flexible. Man: Hey, what are you doing Saturday night, Would you be interested in dinner and drinks at 7 and restaurant ABC? Woman: I don't get home from work till 6:30 Man: how about at 8? Woman that will work, but I'm not overly fond of (whatever type of food resteraunt ABC serves) food. Man: How about restaurant DEF? Woman: I've been there, I really like the blank. Man: Excellent, I'll call and make reservations and let you know if anything changes. 2
chelsea2011 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I think most guys get what women want what we dont get is why the onus is all on the guy where the women just sits back and judges and the man has to pass numerous tests to prove hes worthy In my own personal experience guys do this too. Its not just women. My philosophy is to get to know someone and DONT put them through an array of ridiculous tests. Its absurd to do that and if one chooses to do that then the person they are testing is not right match to begin with. Getting to know someone while keeping your eyes open for red flags is not testing, its looking out for yourself. 1
xxoo Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I think most guys get what women want what we dont get is why the onus is all on the guy where the women just sits back and judges and the man has to pass numerous tests to prove hes worthy Because that is how men typically act when they are very into a woman. Within a few dates, men have their own "tests" and judgments about how interested the women is. Is she attentive? Is she generous with affection? Because that is how women act when they are very into a man. 2
Lonely Ronin Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Because that is how men typically act when they are very into a woman. Within a few dates, men have their own "tests" and judgments about how interested the women is. Is she attentive? Is she generous with affection? Because that is how women act when they are very into a man. You and I should write a book on dating...... 2
GravityMan Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 There is a difference between "taking charge" and "being controlling"... The latter is, obviously, not good and a turnoff for any decent woman. Taking charge has more to do with showing initiative. Have a plan. Confidently make specific suggestions. Show some mature leadership. Don't be wishy-washy. It is easily possible to do all that while still being flexible, open to alternatives, considerate of her preferences (that means listening to her before asking her out and adjusting your plan as appropriate...i.e. showing that you actually care). C'mon, OP. This isn't hard.
neveragain34 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 ....but, what if you get one of those women that don't care for or don't want to go to the place you've mentioned? I hear that women like men to "take charge" on a date, then you mention what restaurant you're taking them too, and they go "Meh, I don't care for that place"...or whatever it is. Is it better not to even mention the place you're taking them to, and just go? Leave it a mystery, then when she gets there, she sees it, doesn't like it, she'l have to suck it up? LOL I am one of those women that loves it when a man takes charge. That being said, I would not complain about where he took me; I'd just be happy to be in his company if I liked him. I wouldn't go with the surprise factor though, but you can ask if she has any special restrictions like if she's a vegetarian or doesn't like raw fish. Or maybe give her a couple of choices and let her pick from those two. On the first few dates, play it safe by taking her to a place that you know has a variety of options for anyone. This will give you time to get to know her likes when planning future dates. UrbanSpoon is great for finding popular local restraunts.
PJKino Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Because that is how men typically act when they are very into a woman. Within a few dates, men have their own "tests" and judgments about how interested the women is. Is she attentive? Is she generous with affection? Because that is how women act when they are very into a man. Durign the first few dates though is a feeling out process where each party is trying to figure out if they are very into the other person because they dont know much about the other one Youre bascially asking the man to putt he women on a pedestal early on and assuming shes worth it when you barely know each other
xxoo Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Durign the first few dates though is a feeling out process where each party is trying to figure out if they are very into the other person because they dont know much about the other one Youre bascially asking the man to putt he women on a pedestal early on and assuming shes worth it when you barely know each other She's only on a pedestal if you allow her to treat you poorly. She should be enjoyable company on the date.
Green Light Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 My ex and I used to go around about this a lot. She would accuse me of not "taking charge" enough when it came to finding stuff for us to do but EVERY TIME I would make plans for us she would fight me and say that she didn't feel like doing my plans, then we would fight about it. So after a while I just stopped making plans and allowed her to make plans for us. This of course was unattractive in her eyes so she would complain even more about me not making plans. With some people you simply cannot win. Yes, you are going to run into women who want a man to "take charge" but then b**** and moan about the choices the man makes.
Author irc333 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 I am one of those women that loves it when a man takes charge. That being said, I would not complain about where he took me; I'd just be happy to be in his company if I liked him. DING DING DING!!!! We have a winner! This poster is a keeper. ;-) 1
ScreamingTrees Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Here's the problem. If a guy thought I was being difficult because I didn't want to go to a steakhouse (again, I'm a vegetarian), or maybe because I'd once gotten food poisoning, it's a silly conclusion. For the first date or whatever, go somewhere you both want to go. Talk about what you both like to do, and then schedule dates around that. Sounds fine, so long as the girl explains why she doesn't want to go. (Being a vegetarian, understandable..) Shooting down every suggestion is just annoying and not understandable, not likely to keep the boys around if you both can't agree on a place to go. Especially if the female is expecting him to be the one to decide upon a location, and shoots down every place.. The smartest simplest thing would be to ask her, but she might as well have just suggested something in the first place.
Treasa Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Sounds fine, so long as the girl explains why she doesn't want to go. (Being a vegetarian, understandable..) Shooting down every suggestion is just annoying and not understandable, not likely to keep the boys around if you both can't agree on a place to go. Especially if the female is expecting him to be the one to decide upon a location, and shoots down every place.. The smartest simplest thing would be to ask her, but she might as well have just suggested something in the first place. Agreed, but this is how conversations normally go with me: Him: "Do you want go out for dinner?" Me: "Sure! Anywhere in particular you'd like to go?" Him: "XYZ." Me: "Awesome!! Want to do ABC afterward?" And then allow for yes, no, I don't like that place, whatever. I tend to communicate in a really straight-forward and friendly manner with people. More people need to just relax. 1
PogoStick Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Yeeeah, screw that. I'd rather go to a place that has more options. If a guy had a problem with that, I wouldn't be dating him. Hey Treasa, since you're a veggie, how'd you like to check out that cool Mediterranean restaurant on 3rd ave? Great hummus btw!
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