BeenAround Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I thought I would start a thread to get some insight into the time frame it takes for people to truly feel interested in a "new" person in their life. I realize that everyone is different and some are trying NC whicle others are LC. Different things will work for different people. I just get worried because I haven't really been interested in dating again yet. I know/hope I will eventually as I think it may help, but the last thing I want to do is hurt someone or make myself feel worse. Please share your age (approximate), how long your relationship was, whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, how long you have been broken up and how long NC has been. Most importantly, if you have tried dating again, and if it has worked or if you truly have been able to feel anything for a new partner yet. I will start......I am in my 40's, almost two year realtionship, I was the dumper, broken up and in NC for almost two months. I haven't really felt like dating or been interested in anyone else yet. I do go out with friends and I have a man that is interested in me and has been calling, but I guess I am just not ready yet. I don't want to get back with ex and I know I did the right thing by ending it. He was a big part of my life though and I miss the friendship. I wouldn't try to initiate contact because that would not be fair to either of us because it is over. I don't want to make any mistakes and I'm just curious to hear about other experiences and time frames.
lop98 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Late 20s. Friendship of almost 8 years turned into a very intense long-distance relationship for months. Almost two months since the split. We went NC for a month, we're LC now, I couldn't do NC but I did tell him exactly what the situation was (trying to move on and getting some help). The breakup for me was so painful that within the first 3 days (nonstop weeping, shock, I felt wounded in every way; I was mostly upset about screwing up a friendship and not ever seeing again the only man I've felt so intense about thus far), I went to a party and hooked up with a guy that was really cute and tolerating of the wreck I was (one thing I noticed is that the more devastated you look, the more guys approach you, why is that!?). We talk often, I like him, he makes me forget for a while, he's so gentle... but it can't possibly go deeper than that for now, he also broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years in November so it's kind of a healing process whatever we have going on between us. I feel deeply comforted whenever I'm with him, and cared for.. unlike the other guy, he hasn't ever said that he cares for me only to push me away, he doesn't say anything, he's just there for me, doing little things that make me feel appreciated, and for once not rejected like I was bad milk. We hang out sometimes, but what usually happens is that the moment I leave or when he drops me off, I feel this tremendous emptiness that could throw me to the sidewalk and make me cry until I disappear. I feel like life is really ****ing with me in a big way, and being with this guy reminds me that I've always had relationships like this, I never felt "crazy" about anyone, or something so transparent and profound that made me want to share everything with him, and the moment I have it, I can't have it, so I'm back to the relationships I seem to be destined for, that make me drown in all the feelings and dreams I was so willing to share with him and that no one else, no matter how nice they are, will ever trigger. .. there was this other guy that I actively searched for weeks later during a post-breakup fight that turned out quite nasty. I was furious, jealous and in some sort of revenge I decided to finally return one of the overly flirtatious texts this guy had been sending for a while. Needless to say, I couldn't sleep with him. Really couldn't. It was so awkward and I felt nauseous. In fact I feel nauseous and repulsed when men in general hit on me these days, I can't even stand them looking at me on the street, with the exception of party guy (who entered life before sourness settled in), they all look like liars to me at the moment, and what's worse, they don't look like my favorite liar, so I hate them. In short: no physical time frame for me! but the emotional one might take years knowing I'm very slow.
misswillow Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I'm early 40s. I was the dumpee and we've been broken up for about a month, NC for almost two weeks. I'm not anywhere close to feeling like dating again, and I'm not sure when I will be. I keep setting timeframes like one year, six months, after the summer, etc. But in reality I guess I'll just know when I'm ready. At this age I feel like I don't want to wait forever to find someone, but I'm going to have a hard time trusting a man again (not in terms of fidelity, because that was not the issue, but in terms of all the broken promises of how we would always be together).
Author BeenAround Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 I'm early 40s. I was the dumpee and we've been broken up for about a month, NC for almost two weeks. I'm not anywhere close to feeling like dating again, and I'm not sure when I will be. I keep setting timeframes like one year, six months, after the summer, etc. But in reality I guess I'll just know when I'm ready. At this age I feel like I don't want to wait forever to find someone, but I'm going to have a hard time trusting a man again (not in terms of fidelity, because that was not the issue, but in terms of all the broken promises of how we would always be together). It is interesting how break ups differ with age. They are just as painful regardless of what age you are but I believe your way of thinking differs depending on your age. When I was younger I seemed to be able to date quicker following a break up. Maybe it has something to do with the depth of love you feel/felt for your bf/gf. I feel more cautious now with getting involved with someone new. Maybe because of my age I am more experienced and know more about what I am looking for. Less likely to settle I guess.
Recommended Posts