VolsGuy Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I posted earlier. Basically I was with my girlfriend for a year, shes 23 I'm 30. I'm a commitment phobia person and never showed her the attention she wanted or needed. I broke up with her because I became scared that I was truly in love and at 30 I started to realize that she was the one, so I do what guys do and I pulled away. I broke up with her with no real reason, just told her I needed time and stopped answering her calls and texts. She told me she loved me unconditionally and posted on Instagram that she would wait for me as I wa she love of her life. Shortly after she met a new guy at the gym. The guy goes to her school, 5 hours from me. When I found out a month after, I panicked starting calling and texting. She told me initially how bad I had hurt her but so much had happened and she had moved on. Said she wasn't mad anymore but this guy was really nice to her. My sister informed they had spoken and she had told my sis how bad I had hurt her. I tried to write a closure email and she just responded with thank you not much more. It ate me alive, I've lost 20 lbs and have been nothargic. Finally yesterday I decided I had to see her. I drove to her school 5 hours away and she was shocked. I pleaded my case very maturely and told her I got scared and If I thought I got on one knee and she would accept I would marry hr right then. She told me she was baffled I was so upset since I had ended it and that she remembered my over drinking and it was not the life she wanted. She told me I never acted like I was proud of her and she felt like a fling to me. I've always been the playboy type so that's true I have a hard time showing affection. My sister said this new guy constantly post on her fb and Instagram telling her how great she is. I asked if she loved him and she said yes. I was broken, I started go cry and apologized telling her I needed the time to grow up and now I knew I was done with my old lifestyle and just wanted start our lives together. She said she was sorry but happy now. I'm so lost as to how a girl so madly on love with me, I saw it, my family saw it could just toss me aside. Although I know it's my fault I truly do. I feel by seeing her in person she could see the pain in my eyes and yet she didn't budge. She's going away to meet his family for Easter now and that years my heart out. I've laid in bed all day not able to do anything but cry. I know she has a wall up because of all the pain I put her through and I know this guy is safe and is giving her all the attention she needed and wants. I know she done with me and I have to walk away. I just wonder if now that she saw me and allowed me to pour my heart out of she at least wonders what of she have me another chance. I'm not kidding myself but would appreciate any women's thoughts on this as to what shes maybe thinking now that I drove down and poured my heart out. She obviously has made her mind up and because she chose him I have to let go I know that, but is all her love for me really gone? Orr is this a defense mechanism to not allow herself to get hurt? Again, I'm not going to contact her again I know I've done all I can, but in 30 yrs this is the only girl i now know I want to spend the rest of my life with, I just needed to get my head right and sober. Now that I have I know what I lost and I'm dead inside
lastresort Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Dude its over. sounds like she has moved on. Going through something similar but i totally screwed the pooch. Sounds like your lifestyle finally caught up to you. Move on. It sucks to be on the other end of a relationship like this but thats life. Sorry man. I was taught a great word a couple of days ago, "NEXT", i wish i could use the word but i am in your same boat and it hurts. Work on yourself and take it into your next relationship. I lost my GF for just about the same reason i lost my wife. I didnt learn. I have now decided to change my life and make myself a better man, the NEXT GF friend will defiantly benefit from the actions I am taking now. Hang in there the roller coaster will end soon. PEACE
Damsel in Distress Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I'm so sorry that you are hurting so much, but it does sound like you are suffering the consequences of your actions and choices. The experts on LS are always saying this is what usually happens - by the time the dumper realizes they f'd up, the dumpee has done the very hard work of healing (which requires shutting the door on your relationship) and moved on to a life without you. You ask if we think she was moved by seeing the pain in your eyes... when somebody has decided to move on from a relationship (even if it wasn't her choice), I don't think the pain of the dumpee plays any factor - and it shouldn't. You don't want her to come back to you because of pity. And I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but you were in the dumper position first - did knowing she was in pain when you weren't answering her calls and texts make you want to get back together with her? I recommend you start working on getting over her - a good first step is to work on improving yourself and becoming the person and man that you want to be.
BLo7687 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 You took her for granted. You kind of just have to let go and move on to be honest. I took my ex for granted as well. He's moved on and seems happy with someone else now. I had someone good at one point and I didn't appreciate what I had. I regret that **** so much and I'll never do that again. Just let this be a lesson in your next relationship. Appreciate what you have or you'll lose them for good.
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