MrHX Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 History: Ex broke up with me in December because she thought I was cheating on her. I never did, but I also did not help the situation. While she was in the process of breaking up with me, she started talking to another man. They started to get closer and even after our break up, she was trying to balance between the two of us. This went back and forth from December until some time in January when she supposed told the guy she needed space. We continued to talk (despite everyone's advice). Then, one fateful Valentine's Day weekend, he visits her. I had no knowledge of this encounter until after the fact. My ex supposedly rejected him and he proceeded to delete himself from her social media. My ex and I continued to talk throughout this time. Since December when we first broke up, we've been going through periods of getting close, then her pushing back for various reasons she would come up with. She would always bring up my faults and then say we needed to be friends without expectations. We even tried couples counseling until she quit because she felt it was not help her individually and that the only reason the counselor was guiding us was to get together. We argued, but still talked on a daily basis. I continued with this until late February when she finally said she deserved to be loved in the way she felt she deserves. I then pulled back, deleted her from everything, and then proceeded with no contact. Well, that only lasted about a week when she offered her friendship once again. However, this time around, she said we should continue to be friends with no expectations and that no one could know. This is the part of the story which began to mess with my head quite often. I often thought to myself why is it necessary that we keep our friendship a secret from everyone. I confronted her about this, and she indicated she couldn't deal with the emotional stress having our circle of friends know that we were on talking terms. At the time, I was okay with this, but it still hurt me. So, why am I here today? Well, my ex and I started to get close once again. We even made plans because she was on spring break. I had no intention on taking her out on some lavish date, but offered to see a movie and build a puzzle she's always wanted. When the time for the movie came, she made an excuse then cancelled. When my puzzle arrived and we made plans to meet up, she cancelled once again. At this point, I started to feel hurt since every time she's made plans, I committed to it. However, during all this time, she continued to call me and get close once again. Yesterday, after I came home from work, we talked on the phone once again. One of our mutual friend's had set up an activity and I asked her if she was going. She said she was not going to go. I then asked her why wasn't she, she then said she did not want to talk about it then changed the topic rather quickly. I asked one more time, and she said she would try to make it, in an act which seemed like it was to appease me. This act was very reminiscent of the time she had plans to meet the guy she was talking to. Now, I don't know what set me off about this time, but I felt something was not quite right about the situation. I changed the tone of my voice and started to act aloof during our conversation. At some point in the conversation, our mutual friend was brought up and how this girl was playing with his and two other guy's emotions. I made the comment that what she was doing to the guy was rather horrible, and that the girl was a horrible person. This set my ex off and she proceeded to say that she had to get off the phone. I admit, I said that comment intentionally to get some kind of vibe as to what was going through her head. I called my ex back and tried to play off the situation. I could tell that she was disturbed why the tone in my voice and my words changed. I am starting to wonder if I could have misinterpreted her actions and words, despite everyone telling me she's back to her original games. I wish I knew what to do at this point. I still care for this girl, but it is really taking it's toll on me. I cannot stand the constant feeling of hurt inside. I guess I would like to see what everyone's input is in regards to my situation. How should I handle everything at this point? Do I just walk away or continue to fight?
Cogee Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 She essentially cancelled two dates with you without a follow up of her own. If it was any other girl you were seeing except her, you would take that for what it is and realize she doesn't actually want to date you. If I were you I would walk away at this point because if a potential date did that to me I would do the same. If you can't handle being friends then you should cut contact with her despite you feeling you two are close. Perhaps she is playing multiple guys at the same time. Do you really want to be in that position with her? Not knowing where you stand until she decides? Take control and walk away. If she truly cares she will realize that her position isn't stable and she will have to make some choices, especially if the ones she cares about are potentially leaving.
TaraMaiden Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 If she's your 'Ex', why the continued contact? You shouldn't be seeing her, talking to her, communicating with her or even acknowledging her existence, basically, not to put too fine a point on it.... She's an ex- which essentially means that you and she are NOT an item, you're NOT together, and frankly buddy - she can do what the hell she likes. She can have 10 other guys on the go, if she chooses - she's not obligated to you any more, and is a free agent. Just like you are, incidentally. Read the link in my signature. The Updated No Contact Guide..... The first post is the Guide. The remainder of the thread is a whole bunch of guys telling about the suffering gone through, by ignoring the rules.... And don't tell me it can't be done: The original author of the NC Guide actually worked in the same building as his ex - on a day-to-day basis - and he managed it just fine.
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