lissa90 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 (edited) Hello, I've been reading this forum for the past 3 weeks and now feel its the time to post. I am 22 and I have a 5 year old daughter. Due to a traumatic childhood, being ambitious and a mother I focused on mine and my daughters life and kept myself emotionally unavailable from men. Then I met my boyfriend (25). He also had a terrible traumatic childhood and we ultimately fell in love. Our relationship was blighted by issues. I became deeply insecure, anxious and was terrified he would leave me. He would have bouts of depression and other things from his past to deal with. The day before he left to go home (we are long distance) I freaked out over a friendship with a girl I had become incredibly threatened (its completely platonic, I realise that now) anywho, after arguing crying and what not, I agree to see a counsellor. To cut a long story short, he goes home and decides there are too many problems we each have, blah blah. Says he loves me, will always be here for me yadda yadda but effectively breaks up. I'm heart broken. No contact for 3 days, then we start talking again, air things out and talk on the phone. Contact continues to pick up, increasingly affectionate. "I miss you" and "I'm thinking of you". He then invites me up to stay with him for a few days next week. All is fine until his first counselling session on monday. He is distraught. Tuesday he says he thinks maybe I shouldnt come up next week anymore. Cut to this evening and I tell him I basically can't do this, I don't know where I stand. He says he can't give me the stability that I need, that he is a broken man. I understand I am being selfish for wanting to be together and knowning he has so many problems he has to face. He also removed me from facebook because he doesn't want any of his posts to cause me any pain. I also said we needed some space from each other and he agreed. And here I am now. I am literally sobbing, I can't stop crying and I have never felt this pain before. I have never been in love, I never wanted to be in love and now I'm left to deal with all the **** I never wanted. I don't understand how people keep loving after heartache as this is torture. He was the perfect man despite his issues. A gentleman, handsome, insanely intelligent and romantic. I hate that his past and childhood has ruined the potential our relationship could of been. We were only together about 5 months. I don't want to eat or sleep. I just want to cry. I am deeply in love with this man. Just some kind words or wisdom would help. Sorry for the ramblings..I've just never felt this pain before and its intolerable. Edited March 29, 2013 by lissa90
january2011 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I've fund that the shorter relationships that burn the brightest are the ones that hurt the most when they end. You've probably had all kinds of dreams for you both and your future together. From experience, it's really the loss and disappointment of those unrealised dreams that fuels the heartache. I know you are still feeling raw, and it's not surprising given that the break up is still fresh. However, you must stay strong. The pain will fade with time. In my opinion, no contact is the best way to heal. Focus on your daughter, your work, friends and family. Listen to music and watch movies. Anything that will get you from one moment to the next. Exercise also works for some people. Unfortunately, there aren't any shortcuts when healing from heartbreak. You just have to work through it. 1
The Tallest One Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Lissa90, my heart goes out to you! I know your in deep pain and we have all been there! I am only six weeks post bu and am still hurting! It's not easy and only time will help heal your broken heart! You are not alone! Keep reading various posts and you will gain insight! Please be gentle with yourself! Be as good to yourself as possible! Be with family and friends, don't isolate, that makes it worse! Focus on your daughter! I find prayer extremely helpful! Spend time with friends and talk about what your going through! Keep physically active it helps! Eat right and try and sleep even though that's a tough one! Post as much as you want, it helps to get it out! You will get through this I promise you!
Author lissa90 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Thank you the replies, I appreciate it. It doesn't help that he is still messaging me. I guess it will be LC from here rather than NC
Minneloa Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Thank you the replies, I appreciate it. It doesn't help that he is still messaging me. I guess it will be LC from here rather than NC I am sorry that you are hurting. This Is a good place to come to vent or just to read about others' similar experiences and how they are coping. I agree with all the good advice above. I did want to say that it is your choice whether to go NC or LC. If you need space and time to grieve the loss of the relationship, you can tell your ex this. Just because he is messaging you doesn't mean that you have to engage with him or that he determines what happens next. I know you are having a very difficult time right now, but try to focus on your own well-being. Sending good thoughts. 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Thank you the replies, I appreciate it. It doesn't help that he is still messaging me. I guess it will be LC from here rather than NC No, you 'guess' wrong; it doesn't..... You have to ask him to stop. No, cancel that. You have to TELL him - absolutely no argument or discussion - that he has to stop, right now. He deleted you off FB - but still feels he can yank your chain? Unacceptable. Completely unacceptable. He has stopped you seeing his FB page, 'because he doesn't want any of his posts to cause me any pain' - yet he keeps in touch with you, even though you said you needed space - and he agreed. Ok, in the cold, grey harsh light of day - this is utterly selfish and self-serving. He's pandering to his own needy emotions and not respecting you at all. This is part of his screwed-up mind. And he has not only got to heal form that, he also has to stop using his past as a crutch and valid reason for current behaviour. Sadly, darling, you have to block him, and tell him you will not accept any further communication from him UNTIL such a time he is absolutely certain his head is in the right place. And he has to be certain - not 'suspect' or 'think'.... Please - block him whichever way you can. Tell him you cannot face receiving anything from him right now. if he texts you, you need to respond with this message, as quickly as is possible: Text blocker activated. Your message could not be delivered. That sends him a 'loud-and-clear' message. And you my sweet, need to read the NC Guide in my signature. The first post is the Guide, (Copy, paste, print at least 3 copies.....) Read the remainder of the thread too..... Keep posting - but stop his nonsense, right now.
Author lissa90 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Thankyou, and I agree with you whole heartedly. I am currently having that conversation with him now. I said that I shall never be able to be his friend and that I shall always be in love with him. He is still in love with me too and is currently crying over my proposal to not be a feature in each others life. Ugh, if he was cheating on me or was an ******* this would be so so much easier. I have deleted our mutual friends on facebook. I don't feel ready to block his messages just yet as we are still hashing things out. But I know I can not continue to feel this pain. Again, thankyou very much
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