tme0 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 (edited) My boyfriend of 9 months and I broke up on Saturday. On Monday he texted me and wanted to apologize, and meet up to talk things through. We basically handled a 'spat' the wrong way, and broke up, instead of talking it through and fixing it. Before we met up to talk about it, he was talking to my friend, telling her to tell me to reply to his texts, if I wanted to. He was worried I'd already written him off as an a**hole and didn't know if I'd want to reconcile. So, we met up and talked. We handled it much better this time, and he asks me what I wanted to do. If I wanted to get back together, be friends, be fwb, or casually date. He basically left it up to me. So I decided to get back together. Things had been REALLY great before that, and I didn't want to throw all of that away. He said he was fine with getting back together. >>>Here is the question: I kind of feel like he'd have been fine with ANY of those options. I want him to agree to get back together with me because he wanted to also. I don't know if maybe I'm reading too much into this or what.. I was thinking about just asking him. And one other thing.. later that night, he was just holding me for a long time, and out of nowhere he said "thank you" I'm not sure why.. maybe for getting back together, I'm not sure. I just wanted opinions. Thanks. Edited March 29, 2013 by tme0
neveragain34 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Sorry to say, but it sounds like this relationship is going no where. What kind of decent man asks his girlfriend if she wants to be friends with benefits or casually date? That is not how someone wins you back or goes about working things out! Instead. it sounds like someone who wants to see other people while keeping you on the side. What a jerk! I would have told him no thanks to all options. 5
Author tme0 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Well, he asked what I wanted to do. I said: Well, there's only 2 things we can do. Either we stay broken up or we get back together. He said: There's more than 2 things. --then listed those things. I'm thinking the only reason he said that, is because awhile back he made it very clear that if we broke up, he really wanted to stay friends and didn't want me out of his life. Kind of like Ted & Robin from How I Met Your Mother.
Keenly Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Sorry to say, but it sounds like this relationship is going no where. What kind of decent man asks his girlfriend if she wants to be friends with benefits or casually date? That is not how someone wins you back or goes about working things out! Instead. it sounds like someone who wants to see other people while keeping you on the side. What a jerk! I would have told him no thanks to all options. You are not being empathetic at all. You are leaving out a huge part of the decision. Going to go ahead and say that no.... you wouldn't. You are looking at this without factoring in your FEELINGS that you still have for this guy.....
Author tme0 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 You are not being empathetic at all. You are leaving out a huge part of the decision. Going to go ahead and say that no.... you wouldn't. You are looking at this without factoring in your FEELINGS that you still have for this guy..... so....your thoughts? lol
reptilelover88 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 You deserve someone who is dying to have a committed relationship with you. This guy is lukewarm and you know it! It's hard, but you need to move on so you can find someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him. Please don't settle for this. 2
neveragain34 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 You are not being empathetic at all. You are leaving out a huge part of the decision. Going to go ahead and say that no.... you wouldn't. You are looking at this without factoring in your FEELINGS that you still have for this guy..... Actually I would. I have been the girl that settles for less than what she deserves and allows my heart to control my head, when I know deep inside that no matter how strong my feelings are, the guy will not change. I've learned from my mistakes and would honestly said no thanks. OP knows this too or she wouldn't have asked to begin with. 1
neveragain34 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Well, he asked what I wanted to do. I said: Well, there's only 2 things we can do. Either we stay broken up or we get back together. He said: There's more than 2 things. --then listed those things. I'm thinking the only reason he said that, is because awhile back he made it very clear that if we broke up, he really wanted to stay friends and didn't want me out of his life. Kind of like Ted & Robin from How I Met Your Mother. See...he did not want to get back together by giving you those other two options. If he wants you in his life as friends, that is fine. He should have left out the "benefits" part though. You deserve better.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Actually I would. I have been the girl that settles for less than what she deserves and allows my heart to control my head, when I know deep inside that no matter how strong my feelings are, the guy will not change. I've learned from my mistakes and would honestly said no thanks. OP knows this too or she wouldn't have asked to begin with. How old are you right now? Are you in a relationship?
neveragain34 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 How old are you right now? Are you in a relationship? HoneyBadger, we've had this discussion before on a previous thread of mine. I'm 34 and just ended a relationship this week. (We had only been dating a couple of months so I wouldn't really call it a relationship, as we never had "the talk".) Why do you ask?
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 HoneyBadger, we've had this discussion before on a previous thread of mine. I'm 34 and just ended a relationship this week. (We had only been dating a couple of months so I wouldn't really call it a relationship, as we never had "the talk".) Why do you ask? Well, you seem to be extremely confident in your opinion. I would hope that someone as confident as you would be quite successful in that area. That's all I meant.
neveragain34 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Well, you seem to be extremely confident in your opinion. I would hope that someone as confident as you would be quite successful in that area. That's all I meant. Trust me, I haven't always been so confident! As I said, I've learned from my mistakes. I did take my own advice this week as I ended the relationship I mentioned. He is moving to another city in the next few months, can't give me the time I deserve in the meantime as his focus is on the move and new job, etc and wanted to know if I wanted to talk about it in person over lunch or dinner. I kindly declined his offer and wished him luck. In my mind, he already made up his mind about what he wants and it isn't me so why waste each others time?
neveragain34 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Trust me, I haven't always been so confident! As I said, I've learned from my mistakes. I did take my own advice this week as I ended the relationship I mentioned. He is moving to another city in the next few months, can't give me the time I deserve in the meantime as his focus is on the move and new job, etc and wanted to know if I wanted to talk about it in person over lunch or dinner. I kindly declined his offer and wished him luck. In my mind, he already made up his mind about what he wants and it isn't me so why waste each others time? By the way, OP please don't think I'm comparing my two month relaltionship to your long term more serious one! I know it must be so much harder for you to walk away, but from what you mentioned, it sounds like the best option for you. Can I ask what the fight was about that led to the break up to begin with?
Michelle83 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 The biggest lesson I've learned in my life is never, ever go back to an ex. ...my 2 cents. Things don't change and you'll hate yourself for wasting more time the second time around. 1
Author tme0 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 By the way, OP please don't think I'm comparing my two month relaltionship to your long term more serious one! I know it must be so much harder for you to walk away, but from what you mentioned, it sounds like the best option for you. Can I ask what the fight was about that led to the break up to begin with? I saw a message he sent to another girl on his Facebook, and I questioned him about it. It was from awhile back, and she never even responded. He took it as I didn't want him having female friends or talking to girls or anything, at least without my knowledge..even though I have told him numerous times I don't care if he has female friends.
Treasa Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Well, you seem to be extremely confident in your opinion. I would hope that someone as confident as you would be quite successful in that area. That's all I meant. Success is being happy with your life, regardless of whether or not you're with someone. I could be married to my best friend right now, but I'm not interested in it. I'm really happy with my life, even when single. Actually, often more when I'm single, because I love the freedom. It's easy to be in a relationship and, on paper, make it work. It's a lot harder to actually be truly happy with someone. I'm more interested in being truly happy than I am in "being with someone." I agree with neveragain34.
Treasa Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 The biggest lesson I've learned in my life is never, ever go back to an ex. ...my 2 cents. Things don't change and you'll hate yourself for wasting more time the second time around. Agreed. It took me a long time to get to that point, but there are no second chances anymore. You throw me out, you lose me. I don't care if you regret it later. You shouldn't have been that careless in the first place. Ironically, with that mindset, I don't get dumped anymore.
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