PJKino Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Two thigns working against me imo with women are my looks and inability to relate or connect with women add in i have no women in my social circle so i never even get a chance to "connect" so to speak anymore I see this girl at a bar a few months ago by my house all the time and finally got the courage to approach a women with a cold approach and each time i see her we have a prety decent conversation and for the first time i thought it was an actual women that i connected with and could hold a decent conversaiton with but she said she wasnt attracted to me but i was a great guy bla blah blah it sucks when you finally feel theyres finally a women who you can talk to comfortably but because of your looks you cant get your foot in the door its just really demorilazing and frustrating
ThaWholigan Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 This will sound insensitive.... It's unfortunate, hard luck. But you have to press on. The more you focus on how demoralizing it is, the more it will be. Just try to think nothing of it. I've had lots of rejections like that, some really harsh ones too. You gotta thicken your skin and proceed regardless. 3
SteveC80 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Of course its mostly about looks anyone who tells you different is a liar.Ive had women call me arrogant and a scumbag but were strongly attracted to me and i ended up smashing them You just have to play the numbers game if you're ugly and and prepared get rejecteds tons of times but when you finally find a women whos attracted to you or can tolerate you physically at least then that "connection" will be called "chemistry" and youll get a date
Imajerk17 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 (edited) I am sorry to hear. But it's about luck and skill as much as anything, and NOT your looks. Looks hardly matter to women. I went out last night and hit on a girl who was taller than I and younger than I by a decade. We kissed at the bar and I got her number. What did it for me was that I shamelessly made moves. I didn't just talk to her as I suspect you did with this girl PJ. But what prompted me to go out was a rejection from a girl I went out with this past weekend. She had finally gotten back to me saying that she thought I was "a really nice guy but no chemistry". Why did one girl like me and the other not? Luck and skill. Edited March 29, 2013 by Imajerk17
iris219 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I'm not sure this will make you feel better, but when a woman says she isn't attracted to you it's not necessarily about how you look. I've rejected men in the past because something was "off." These guys were good looking guys, but I wasn't attracted to them for reasons that had nothing to do with attractiveness. I suspect it's your awkwardness and/or inability to connect that hinders you when it comes to women.
Imajerk17 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I'm not sure this will make you feel better, but when a woman says she isn't attracted to you it's not necessarily about how you look. I've rejected men in the past because something was "off." These guys were good looking guys, but I wasn't attracted to them for reasons that had nothing to do with attractiveness. I suspect it's your awkwardness and/or inability to connect that hinders you when it comes to women. Actually iris, I am curious: How long does it take for you to realize whether you are or are not attracted? I agree wholeheartedly with your post though.
somedude81 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Two thigns working against me imo with women are my looks and inability to relate or connect with women add in i have no women in my social circle so i never even get a chance to "connect" so to speak anymore I see this girl at a bar a few months ago by my house all the time and finally got the courage to approach a women with a cold approach and each time i see her we have a prety decent conversation and for the first time i thought it was an actual women that i connected with and could hold a decent conversaiton with but she said she wasnt attracted to me but i was a great guy bla blah blah it sucks when you finally feel theyres finally a women who you can talk to comfortably but because of your looks you cant get your foot in the door its just really demorilazing and frustrating I've lost track of how many times something like that has happened to me. Yes it is based on your looks 90%. 1
iris219 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Actually iris, I am curious: How long does it take for you to realize whether you are or are not attracted? I agree wholeheartedly with your post though. It depends, but it's usually immediately. When I'm attracted to a man I notice that I fixate on things about him that are drawing me in: the way he stands, sits, mannerisms like hand gestures and facial expressions, voice, etc. He doesn't have to be hot, but he has to have something that I find intriguing. 1
Badsingularity Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Dude. It is not necessarily all about your looks. A guy can be a good looking or at least average looking guy and if he is putting off a insecure, unconfident aura/bodylanguage/presence/vibe women will not feel attraction for him and will often just feel neutral for him.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 This will sound insensitive.... It's unfortunate, hard luck. But you have to press on. The more you focus on how demoralizing it is, the more it will be. Just try to think nothing of it. I've had lots of rejections like that, some really harsh ones too. You gotta thicken your skin and proceed regardless. This. And also, OP, you have to step up your game. I'm sure that's at least 75% of the reason why you didn't get this girl. 1
trevzilla Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 looks aren't everything with women. Women tell me I'm handsome all the time, but I have pretty much 100% rejection rate with women. As soon as I talk to them any attraction they had dies (I guess I kill it somehow). That just makes me feel horrible because it makes me think I have a ****ty personality, which I know is not the case because I have great friends who go out of their way to get in touch with me for outings, it's just I totally turn women off which is frustrating because you don't get feedback about what turned them off, they just kick you to the curb and move on. I wouldn't worry too much about your looks, even if you're just average or a little below average there will be women who are physically attracted to you, it's the law of averages. I used to work with a guy who was short and average looking but hooked up with 300 women over the years and some really gorgeous ones. They just liked his personality. Hopefully you have the kind of personality they like and you'll be golden.
ThaWholigan Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 This. And also, OP, you have to step up your game. I'm sure that's at least 75% of the reason why you didn't get this girl. Funny that - I've been reading charts all day (astrology stuff) and everybody's personal attributes and difficulties are different. When it comes to things like game and how we attract, I think that every man has his own game that is tailor made for him. Like, the way I currently attempt to attract girls is different than when I didn't know what I was doing, but now it's down to what fits with me as a man overall that works. It is different for other guys. It's the reason why Mystery Method back in the day only worked for guys like Mystery . Anyone who tried it and it didn't work wasn't necessarily because it was BS but because it only worked for a subset of guys that the material resonated with on such a level - and consequently only worked on chicks that responded to that kind of sh*t. Because not every girl responds to exactly the same kind of thing on a nuanced level. It goes back to what Ninja said in another of his hugely epic posts a couple threads down - men becoming the man they are supposed to be. Part of that, regarding "game", is finding what style of attraction works for you. If you are stuck in a mindset of attraction being this uber-difficult minefield that you will never be able to navigate, then you will never find your niche, your style, your game etc. Mind you, I could probably find reasons for that if I could read your charts . For me, when it comes to what I do - I'm a bit of a chameleon in some respects, but I function better when I have a chance to get one-on-one and pretty much improvise. I converse, I teach, I charm, I tease etc. This is only stuff I've tried infrequently and recently. I did this on a first date from OLD which pretty much led to her being the 2nd girl I slept with in my life. So I specialize in words - verbal communication. Funny - I had speech therapy and poor verbal reasoning as a kid . So I believe that if you're a wordy guy, use that to your advantage. Research different words and what they mean, find out how people respond to those words consciously and subconsciously, and learn how to use them devastatingly. And a bonus tip - find out how to back them up with nonverbal communication skills . Conversely, some people may not be magnificent with words (although it never hurts to be better), so that may not be your natural mode of attraction. Maybe you're nonverbal is more intriguing than your verbal. Develop that more, posture, expression, gait, even clothes to an extent. I struggled in this area for a long time due to dyspraxic issues. Once I got taller and developed my posture after my teens ended, my presence dramatically increased in power. It wasn't that I was more powerful - I just looked it. To be more specific regarding words - maybe you're great at light conversations and small talk and not so fantastic at the deeper, more passionate dialogues. It doesn't hurt to strengthen your weak area, but don't neglect your natural strength - that will be the hook for girls who naturally respond to light small talk (and there are a lot who do!). Maybe you like to penetrate with your words and have deep conversations on an emotional and mental level that heavily stimulate. Maybe you like to use suggestive language in a subtle manner - whatever way you naturally talk to girls, nail it down and refine it. Then tackle the areas where you might fall down. It doesn't hurt to practice these things either - talk to more girls without the expectation of "being rejected". Just talking to them and refining - getting into the practice of talking, flirting, seducing, bantering, having deep conversations. Some of you may do some of these things, but maybe without refining your game. I'll conclude with a word about Astrology. We have aspects in our charts between planets. Trines, sextiles and quintiles are easy aspects. Conjunctions, squares, oppositions, inconjuncts and semi-squares are hard aspects. People with lots of trines and sextiles have certain talents and abilities come easy to them, but without the hard aspects they have no drive to overcome certain things and they become complacent because everything is easy. People with lots of hard aspects have things difficult happen, but the friction with the hard aspects causes them to drive hard and motivate themselves towards higher heights than even the easy aspect people with the God given talent. Most people are in between - they have varying degrees of easy and hard aspects. If we work on the areas that are difficult while nurturing and solidifying our talents at the same time and accept the way things are, we will be able to overcome our difficulties and transcend them. It is much better to view things in this way. Admittedly, I used a questionable source such as Astrology to do that, but you can use whatever it is as long as you are able to do these things. At least regarding how to date women. And I am by no means a Casanova. I have not gotten a GF yet, nor will I get one right now. And I'm not exactly swimming in women either. But since I lost the V, I've done OK, had a few dates and still have sex occasionally. And these are just an elaborate view into how I did certain things. 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Funny that - I've been reading charts all day (astrology stuff) and everybody's personal attributes and difficulties are different. When it comes to things like game and how we attract, I think that every man has his own game that is tailor made for him. Like, the way I currently attempt to attract girls is different than when I didn't know what I was doing, but now it's down to what fits with me as a man overall that works. It is different for other guys. It's the reason why Mystery Method back in the day only worked for guys like Mystery . Anyone who tried it and it didn't work wasn't necessarily because it was BS but because it only worked for a subset of guys that the material resonated with on such a level - and consequently only worked on chicks that responded to that kind of sh*t. Because not every girl responds to exactly the same kind of thing on a nuanced level. It goes back to what Ninja said in another of his hugely epic posts a couple threads down - men becoming the man they are supposed to be. Part of that, regarding "game", is finding what style of attraction works for you. If you are stuck in a mindset of attraction being this uber-difficult minefield that you will never be able to navigate, then you will never find your niche, your style, your game etc. Mind you, I could probably find reasons for that if I could read your charts . For me, when it comes to what I do - I'm a bit of a chameleon in some respects, but I function better when I have a chance to get one-on-one and pretty much improvise. I converse, I teach, I charm, I tease etc. This is only stuff I've tried infrequently and recently. I did this on a first date from OLD which pretty much led to her being the 2nd girl I slept with in my life. So I specialize in words - verbal communication. Funny - I had speech therapy and poor verbal reasoning as a kid . So I believe that if you're a wordy guy, use that to your advantage. Research different words and what they mean, find out how people respond to those words consciously and subconsciously, and learn how to use them devastatingly. And a bonus tip - find out how to back them up with nonverbal communication skills . Conversely, some people may not be magnificent with words (although it never hurts to be better), so that may not be your natural mode of attraction. Maybe you're nonverbal is more intriguing than your verbal. Develop that more, posture, expression, gait, even clothes to an extent. I struggled in this area for a long time due to dyspraxic issues. Once I got taller and developed my posture after my teens ended, my presence dramatically increased in power. It wasn't that I was more powerful - I just looked it. To be more specific regarding words - maybe you're great at light conversations and small talk and not so fantastic at the deeper, more passionate dialogues. It doesn't hurt to strengthen your weak area, but don't neglect your natural strength - that will be the hook for girls who naturally respond to light small talk (and there are a lot who do!). Maybe you like to penetrate with your words and have deep conversations on an emotional and mental level that heavily stimulate. Maybe you like to use suggestive language in a subtle manner - whatever way you naturally talk to girls, nail it down and refine it. Then tackle the areas where you might fall down. It doesn't hurt to practice these things either - talk to more girls without the expectation of "being rejected". Just talking to them and refining - getting into the practice of talking, flirting, seducing, bantering, having deep conversations. Some of you may do some of these things, but maybe without refining your game. I'll conclude with a word about Astrology. We have aspects in our charts between planets. Trines, sextiles and quintiles are easy aspects. Conjunctions, squares, oppositions, inconjuncts and semi-squares are hard aspects. People with lots of trines and sextiles have certain talents and abilities come easy to them, but without the hard aspects they have no drive to overcome certain things and they become complacent because everything is easy. People with lots of hard aspects have things difficult happen, but the friction with the hard aspects causes them to drive hard and motivate themselves towards higher heights than even the easy aspect people with the God given talent. Most people are in between - they have varying degrees of easy and hard aspects. If we work on the areas that are difficult while nurturing and solidifying our talents at the same time and accept the way things are, we will be able to overcome our difficulties and transcend them. It is much better to view things in this way. Admittedly, I used a questionable source such as Astrology to do that, but you can use whatever it is as long as you are able to do these things. At least regarding how to date women. And I am by no means a Casanova. I have not gotten a GF yet, nor will I get one right now. And I'm not exactly swimming in women either. But since I lost the V, I've done OK, had a few dates and still have sex occasionally. And these are just an elaborate view into how I did certain things. I agree. This is why I'm a huge fan of PUA. Basically, you get to try a lot of different gaming styles and see which one fits you. I believe that all guys that are successful with women went through this one way or another (I, personally, made friends with guys that are good and imitated them until I found my way through it.....since I didn't have a father to show me ). 1
ThaWholigan Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I agree. This is why I'm a huge fan of PUA. Basically, you get to try a lot of different gaming styles and see which one fits you. I believe that all guys that are successful with women went through this one way or another (I, personally, made friends with guys that are good and imitated them until I found my way through it.....since I didn't have a father to show me ). I had to learn from guy friends too, but I don't really do stuff that they did - I kinda learned by rote and just experimenting. I've always been different, imitation was never going to work for me . As for my father, the only advice he gave me on women was two things. 1. Be fit and have a 6 pack and muscles. 2. Don't try to understand a woman because you can't. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) Two thigns working against me imo with women are my looks and inability to relate or connect with women add in i have no women in my social circle so i never even get a chance to "connect" so to speak anymore I see this girl at a bar a few months ago by my house all the time and finally got the courage to approach a women with a cold approach and each time i see her we have a prety decent conversation and for the first time i thought it was an actual women that i connected with and could hold a decent conversaiton with but she said she wasnt attracted to me but i was a great guy bla blah blah it sucks when you finally feel theyres finally a women who you can talk to comfortably but because of your looks you cant get your foot in the door its just really demorilazing and frustrating Here's how it is for you. Have you ever looked for a job during a recession? Employers have the advantage. They know what they want, and they mostly can get what they want. If a company wants a Masters in Accounting and you have a high school degree, there is no chance you are getting an interview. You can send a resume if you like, but beating down their door, telling them that they are your dream job is senseless. Same with women. They know what they want. If they want a six foot tall white dude, and you are like some little Indian dude, good luck getting a job interview. No chance. Determine your market, put out feelers, and then if you think you have a chance, pounce. If it gets to the point where the women you have a chance with are not attractive to you, that is another issue. Separate issue, really. But that is how the game is for you. Notice I said YOU, not all men. I think I'm pretty familiar with your posts and your situation. Also, as far as connecting with a woman, I've known womens' entire life stories and all their desires and dreams, known them for a year or longer, and been a great supporter to them, and they think I'm awesome, and the greatest guy. They'd say it to you. I'm still not attractive. So, whatever friendzone story you got, I can beat. Nobody at Goldman Sachs cares how nice of a guy you are and women don't care either ... until AFTER you have what they want. And like I said before, once you get the interview, then you pounce. You will KNOW when you get the interview. Edited March 30, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember
ascendotum Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 The header on this post reminded me of a Smith's song. Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me. No hope, no harm. Just another false alarm. Not being flash in looks does make it a lot harder to build a connection with a girl or guy from the opposite side. When they are few and fair between they take on much more significance than they do for the other person, who probably thinks that you are just another friendly guy she is having a friendly chat to, and nothing more. I agree with W and HBDC, you need to try your best to work on building attraction.
somedude81 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I agree. This is why I'm a huge fan of PUA. Basically, you get to try a lot of different gaming styles and see which one fits you. I believe that all guys that are successful with women went through this one way or another (I, personally, made friends with guys that are good and imitated them until I found my way through it.....since I didn't have a father to show me ). So which method works for quickly forgotten, average to below average looking guys who don't have a charming bone in their body?
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 So which method works for quickly forgotten, average to below average looking guys who don't have a charming bone in their body? You're plenty charming. You're pretty funny too. Just all about numbers. PUA? Pfft. Don't make me laugh. I've said it once and I'll say it again. All the women I've had, I've gotten when they've known virtually nothing about me. I'd say you've run into a brick wall where the women you are interested in aren't into you, and the women who would give you a shot, you aren't into. So, either make a choice, or play more numbers.
somedude81 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 You're plenty charming. You're pretty funny too. Just all about numbers. PUA? Pfft. Don't make me laugh. I've said it once and I'll say it again. All the women I've had, I've gotten when they've known virtually nothing about me. I'd say you've run into a brick wall where the women you are interested in aren't into you, and the women who would give you a shot, you aren't into. So, either make a choice, or play more numbers. I am playing the numbers. This month alone I've crossed four girls I was somewhat interested in off my list. That was one solid rejection and two turned out to have a boyfriend when I did a little digging. The last one I know is single but she's cold to me now. It's really depressing to keep crossing off girls that I think are fun and have a look I like. I don't want to date a girl just because she has a vagina and everything else about her is ho hum.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 So which method works for quickly forgotten, average to below average looking guys who don't have a charming bone in their body? There are very few posters on this forum that I believe get girls IRL. Read everything that Mr. Castle, Barnacle-Bob, and, especially, TheWholigan write. Advice from guys that started where you are....and are currently where you want to be....is worth it's weight in gold. Also, Google search "how to get girls." Experiment with different things and have fun with it. That's how you develop you're own style.
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