singme2sleep Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 So many people talk about letting go, moving on and eventually being over your ex blah blah blah. But I think you can let them go and still love them at the same time. Just because I accept my relationship is over doesn't mean I can turn my love for him off like a light switch. I believe he's gone, and I can admit it out loud, however love won't simply vanish. If you love someone, won't you love them forever...whether or not you want to be with them?? How do you define letting go???!!!
Minneloa Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 So many people talk about letting go, moving on and eventually being over your ex blah blah blah. But I think you can let them go and still love them at the same time. Just because I accept my relationship is over doesn't mean I can turn my love for him off like a light switch. I believe he's gone, and I can admit it out loud, however love won't simply vanish. If you love someone, won't you love them forever...whether or not you want to be with them?? How do you define letting go???!!! Why is all of this blah blah blah to you? I understand that you are currently heartbroken, but the people who are giving you advice have almost undoubtedly been heartbroken themselves and are speaking from experience. What would you prefer them to say?
Author singme2sleep Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 I just wrote "blah blah blah" instead of typing out a lot of extra sentences. And when I say "people" I meant in general not just this site. I appreciate all the advice I'm given.
Mack05 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 (edited) How do you define letting go???!!! When you picture him singing someone else to sleep and you are not even remotely bothered. ____________________________________________________________ Letting go is a combination of doing small positive things every day. All these little positive things eventually add up, until one morning you wake up and you feel good. If people take too long to let go, it's because they let their mind influence their life too much. It's used as a negative tool, instead of a positive one. Some dumpee's spend too much time pondering pointless %^&^&. "What if this" or "what if that". They spend far too much time wallowing in self pity. A stronger person uses their mind in a different way. They will work through the grief stages in a productive way and learn valuable lessons. They will focus on the mistakes they made in the relationship, not waste endless hours analysis their ex's. After awhile they will convince themselves, that it is their ex's loss. That is how you are meant to let go. The big problem here is, that there is a different between knowing the path and walking the path. Edited March 29, 2013 by Mack05 4
Minneloa Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Ah, ok. First of all, let me say that I am terrible at letting go, of romantic attachments and all manner of other emotions. It is one of my weaknesses as a person. I can have outward dignity and show a brave face to the world, but internally I am fiercely clinging to my feelings for dear life. That said, for me letting go means living in the present moment (even if painful) rather than hiding in the past (nostalgia) or the future (hope). As for the love, of course it will linger. And then, later, perhaps it will fade if and when you meet someone new and entrancing. But don't worry about that part now. Sending good thoughts. 1
Harradin Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 For me, letting go was realising that my ex didn't want me any more and staying around in her life was never going to help anything. I still love her and I probably always will, but there's no point in moping around wondering what could have been etc. Why should I be upset about someone not wanting me in their lives anymore? Eventually she'll figure out what a stupid mistake she made by letting me walk out of her life as I treated her better then any guy ever could/did. My 2 cents. 3
Minneloa Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 If people take too long to let go, it's because they let their mind influence their life too much. It's used as a negative tool, instead of a positive one. Some dumpee's spend too much time pondering pointless %^&^&. "What if this" or "what if that". They spend far too much time wallowing in self pity. . I agree that these questions, which crop up on this forum every day, are the antithesis of letting go. But I don't see this as self-pity so much as desperate avoidance of the painful present moment by focusing on hypotheticals about the past or future. So, I sympathize with the impulse (emotional self-protection) even as I fantasize about forming an LS False Hope Fire Brigade to extinguish these "what if" blazes. 3
seriously-let-down Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Singme2sleep, As the dumpee I have no choice over the matter However much wanting and mopping about, nothing is going to change the fact that they the dumper aren't going to change their views of me. They made a decision that basically has no place for me in their future. Therefore, I have to move on, or I'll be wasting my time and others waiting for something that is never going to happen. Moving on may also be the best thing that could ever happen to you instead. Even if I did try to rebuild bridges with my ex, you are always going to have doubt. Doubt somewhere raised its head and destroyed your relationship however big or small! Could it raise its ugly head again? Take care and look after yourself, I'm trying, I've been upset today, but its only time and NC that will stop that.
thefooloftheyear Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 So many people talk about letting go, moving on and eventually being over your ex blah blah blah. But I think you can let them go and still love them at the same time. Just because I accept my relationship is over doesn't mean I can turn my love for him off like a light switch. I believe he's gone, and I can admit it out loud, however love won't simply vanish. If you love someone, won't you love them forever...whether or not you want to be with them?? How do you define letting go???!!! I dont know how old you are...but let me say this.. People who are mature and settled generally dont exhibit the "love you today -not in love tomorrow"...Usually there is some underlying reasoning. Seems like some people today (judging by some of the stories I read on here) are ready to dispose of their significant other just because the next person comes along or "likes" their profile picture on FB(roll eyes). Its a true shame, IMO. I think a lot of these folks WILL regret their decision. Because GIGS is a very common deal here. And that is a shame. Keep your head up and stay strong singmetosleep. There is someone out there who would kill for someone as loyal as you. TFOY 1
Author singme2sleep Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 When you picture him singing someone else to sleep and you are not even remotely bothered. ____________________________________________________________ Letting go is a combination of doing small positive things every day. All these little positive things eventually add up, until one morning you wake up and you feel good. If people take too long to let go, it's because they let their mind influence their life too much. It's used as a negative tool, instead of a positive one. Some dumpee's spend too much time pondering pointless %^&^&. "What if this" or "what if that". They spend far too much time wallowing in self pity. A stronger person uses their mind in a different way. They will work through the grief stages in a productive way and learn valuable lessons. They will focus on the mistakes they made in the relationship, not waste endless hours analysis their ex's. After awhile they will convince themselves, that it is their ex's loss. That is how you are meant to let go. The big problem here is, that there is a different between knowing the path and walking the path. Thank you, very wise advice! Oh and he never sang me to sleep lol
Mack05 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Thank you, very wise advice! Oh and he never sang me to sleep lol well he wasn't the one then . The right guy will firstly sing and then massage you to sleep after a long hard day . You are so young still s2s. It will happen for you..U will find a guy who will stick by you, even when everything is crashing all around you. He will be your rock when you need support and vice versa. The one's that quit relationships when the pressure gets too much are actually doing you a favour. You don't realise this yet, but you have been saved a HUGE heartbreak down the line. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Ah, ok. First of all, let me say that I am terrible at letting go, of romantic attachments and all manner of other emotions. It is one of my weaknesses as a person. I can have outward dignity and show a brave face to the world, but internally I am fiercely clinging to my feelings for dear life. That said, for me letting go means living in the present moment (even if painful) rather than hiding in the past (nostalgia) or the future (hope). As for the love, of course it will linger. And then, later, perhaps it will fade if and when you meet someone new and entrancing. But don't worry about that part now. Sending good thoughts. I agree with you. When my grandfather died November 2011, we were very close and I was lost for months without him. In fact it took me about a year to feel that I had finally made peace with his death. It's never easy, ending a relationship is a lot like grieving a death. Friends and family who were concerned that I was taking it especially hard, kept using the phrase "you have to let him go" and I always replied with "define - let him go" because there is no right way. In regards to romantic relationships, I believe you can accept your loss but still hold on to the love. And I don't mean in the sense of never finding someone new, just cherishing what you once had and hopefully remembering the good times fondly. If this breakup has taught me anything, its that not everything is in my control. But I believe that good things fall apart so that better things can come together. 2
Author singme2sleep Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Keep your head up and stay strong singmetosleep. There is someone out there who would kill for someone as loyal as you. TFOY Thank you, that's sweet to say. And I'm 25
cavalier99 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I tried imagining him singing her to sleep then f*cking the hell out of her in every possible position. Meh. Doesnt really bother me. Thant being said im not sure im 100 percent indifferent. Maybe to 80 to 85%. Who the heck knows. Cav
thefooloftheyear Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Thank you, that's sweet to say. And I'm 25 You're welcome! And believe me, its true!! TFOY 2
todreaminblue Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 So many people talk about letting go, moving on and eventually being over your ex blah blah blah. But I think you can let them go and still love them at the same time. Just because I accept my relationship is over doesn't mean I can turn my love for him off like a light switch. I believe he's gone, and I can admit it out loud, however love won't simply vanish. If you love someone, won't you love them forever...whether or not you want to be with them?? How do you define letting go???!!! to me letting go is a three way(im ocd about three) thing.... physically comes first...not seeing them,avoidance in even physically sighting them.....im a visual girl so its a need in getting as far away as i can....its the first step in distancing my heart.... then there's mentally the second step......where you get it in your head its not going to ever be happening or fixed or revived or reignited and should be left in the past....... the third step which is by far the hardest for me is stepping emotionally......its where realization sets in takes root that its all for the best that i am better off without that person in my life and that i am free to meet someone who will love me back.....and that person whoever he may be....is going to be the person that means the most to me because thats my future and where i am stepping to.......that emotional step is the longest step....there is no going back a step or two....only forward.....that to me is ....letting go and moving forward.....deb 6
destroyed4sho Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 When you picture him singing someone else to sleep and you are not even remotely bothered. ____________________________________________________________ Letting go is a combination of doing small positive things every day. All these little positive things eventually add up, until one morning you wake up and you feel good. If people take too long to let go, it's because they let their mind influence their life too much. It's used as a negative tool, instead of a positive one. Some dumpee's spend too much time pondering pointless %^&^&. "What if this" or "what if that". They spend far too much time wallowing in self pity. A stronger person uses their mind in a different way. They will work through the grief stages in a productive way and learn valuable lessons. They will focus on the mistakes they made in the relationship, not waste endless hours analysis their ex's. After awhile they will convince themselves, that it is their ex's loss. That is how you are meant to let go. The big problem here is, that there is a different between knowing the path and walking the path. Great post. I am guilty of all of the above...I spent too much time analyzing why my ex did this or why she did that....Months and months of the same old ****. I did get some answers to my questions from LS posters but there are some questions that nobody can answer, except for the dumper herself. And I never wanted to go that route. I think I wallowed for so many months because of my personality type. I'm a logical person and believe that logic or science can answer all questions, even emotional ones. I need to put things in logical sequence and order to understand. But in this case, it is just not possible and I have given that up. But I wasted so much time accepting that, and i guess the time I lost is the price I have paid post breakup and I will have to accept that too. Another factor could also be that I don't have that much experience with breakups.... I have had relationships in the past and have been dumped before but it ended up I always bounced from relationship to relationship in a matter of a couple of weeks! I never had to fully deal with the grieving stages because my mind was elsewhere. So this experience is new to me....even though I am in my 30's! I feel immature. Now, I am dealing with anger and hatred (which I always felt throughout post-breakup). And I suspect that these emotions are blocking full recovery. So the best thing I can do now is block these emotions and somehow try to forgive the ex so I can move on. The next phase would be to revisit the relationship and see what I can salvage from it. What I did wrong, how can I change and improve myself? After that, its finding someone that is compatible and not falling for the same unhealthy toxic people I tend to date. Sounds exhausting, but these are my goals for now. It is my exes loss. Even though she consistently put me down, almost everyday, I really believe I did have a lot to offer..the priceless things in life, love, loyalty and support. What more can you ask for from a partner? And why is this so damn hard to find? A billion people on this earth and I haven't found one person that can give me those 3 things all at the same time. WTF? (Yep, wallowing in self-pity again) :-( 1
Author singme2sleep Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 It is my exes loss. Even though she consistently put me down, almost everyday, I really believe I did have a lot to offer..the priceless things in life, love, loyalty and support. What more can you ask for from a partner? And why is this so damn hard to find? A billion people on this earth and I haven't found one person that can give me those 3 things all at the same time. WTF? (Yep, wallowing in self-pity again) :-( Yeah I hear ya. I have always been told by people that I'm such a great girl and I shouldn't have any trouble finding Mr. Right And I too, think I am attracted to people who end up hurting me down the line. My ex once told me in a "love letter" that he knew I would love him unconditionally and without judgement...but apparently he didn't love me that much. Anyway, life goes on I guess. Gonna chalk it up to experience and try to move forward. 1
destroyed4sho Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 My ex once told me in a "love letter" that he knew I would love him unconditionally and without judgement...but apparently he didn't love me that much. Anyway, life goes on I guess. Gonna chalk it up to experience and try to move forward. And this is exactly what I am ANGRY about and I can't forgive. I can't forgive this..I CANT CANT CANT...it feels like I was deceived/betrayed and in general, I have had a hard time forgiving people that have violated me in that way. 2
Author singme2sleep Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 And this is exactly what I am ANGRY about and I can't forgive. I can't forgive this..I CANT CANT CANT...it feels like I was deceived/betrayed and in general, I have had a hard time forgiving people that have violated me in that way. I know. How am I supposed to believe the promises and declarations of love I'm told in the next relationship?!?!
thefooloftheyear Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I know. How am I supposed to believe the promises and declarations of love I'm told in the next relationship?!?! You gotta believe!! Trust me in this one. I am a guy and can tell you that nothing beats a woman who is attractive AND loyal. I think a lot of women today suffer from GIGS because its easy to flirt with them because of social media. They get a little attention then poof, they're gone. I suppose guys can do the same, but I think women are doing it more often because guys are more likeiy to be pushy if they see what they want(or what looks available anyway).. YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU WANT...I am 100% sure!! TFOY 1
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