TaylorBe Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 So I’m at 3 weeks of NC after dating my perfect guy for 2months, followed by 2 months of me trying to break it off with him and him fighting to keep me attached. We didn’t have a big falling out he just wanted to forgo a relationship while he worked on his career, education and overall self improvement but he wanted me buy his side to support him and build a foundation for a possible future relationship. Because we didn’t end on bad terms and he stills wants me around it was hard for me to completely cut him off in the beginning hence the two month break up process. Now were completely done for over a month and I’ve been focusing on doing things that make me happy and falling in loving with myself so that I don’t seek it from someone else. I’ve already started packing my schedule for the next 3months with trips, races, events, and I’m planning to start taking classes & prepping for grad this summer (while working 40hr+ a week). To top it all off I just volunteer to assist some of the other engineers with their projects at work so I’m currently working 10hr+ days. I’ve essentially converted back to my old ways of over loading my schedule (because being busy keeps me happy/satisfied) which is the main reason why I didn’t start dating till I was 24…I just made myself too busy to be distracted. I know me If I keep on this path I will be fulfilled but the minute I have down time I’ll feel lonely. But after dealing with Mr. Perfect I’m too scared to give someone else a chance because no matter how good things are going I can’t control the other person and they can just crush my world at any moment. I’ve invested so much energy into getting over him I’m not sure I’m willing to start dating again and risk being back at square 1 1. I guess what I want to know is should I continue down this path of keeping myself too busy to date? 2. Or should I force myself too casually date/ learn the rules of the game and just push past my fear of rejection? 3. Or is it just too soon for me to even think about it?
destroyed4sho Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 You have to work on yourself. You may need therapy to be able to trust people.
Author TaylorBe Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 If you knew Mr Perfect and you were not prepared to share his ambitions then I can see why problems arose. Two people working together towards a goal are 4 times more productive than alone. I dont want to be in a relationship where I do everything in my life myself and do not have this sharing relationship where I help her with her things and she helps me with mine. Life is so much easier when a loving couple are working together towards common family goals. We were a team..with helped/ supported each other. Its not that I wasnt willing to help & suport him (trust me I had already fallen into that role...hapily I might add) I just didnt think it was healthy for me to do that for the next 2-3 years (which was the time frame he gave me) knowing he is not willing to give me anything more than non exclusive dating. Plus there no guarantee in 2-3 years he would even want to have a relationship with me...I just didnt want to be strung along thats all.
destroyed4sho Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Sorry, I think I misread your OP, but your other post cleared things up. I think you need to get rid of this man. He is not willing to even give a monogamous relationship a chance with you until 2-3 years. He will just string you along, take what he needs from you and then choose to do whatever he wants after 2-3 years....If you chose to be strung along for 2-3 years, he will have all the power in this relationship. What does this mean? It is doomed. Unless you want to be strung along, have an unstable pseudo relationship, lots of back and forth, be emotionally drained, develop self-esteem issues (why doesn't he want a relationship with me, am I not good enough?), go to work with a headache and bad moods...then go for it. I guarantee you after 2-3 years he will be like "honey, i Never promised you anything, I just met Jane, so Bye"....and you will be back on LS talking about how heartbroken you are and how you need to read self-help books to rebuild your self-esteem, self-worth issues and figure out why you had agreed to be strung along in the first place. Ahhh, RUN! NOW its been only 2 months...RUN! AND don't be friends with this guy, he will just suck you in and you will end up having feelings for this guy.
Recommended Posts