Bonesz Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Well me and my gf aren't engaged yet, but we're very serious. Unfortunately, her family is a little bit crazy towards me and it scares me. Her mom has always been extremely over protective of her. She's 21 and I'm 24, but her mom still tries to control her. Ever since the beginning, her mom has had a "bad feeling" about me and told her not to date me. She was constantly telling her that I was abusive, controlling, selfish and jealous before she even knew me well. Those claims are false though and my gf has told her countless times that I'm nothing like that. It got so bad at one point, the she forbade her to see me completely. I had to go to her house and have a really awkward conversation with her to let her know that I wasn't dangerous and I had no intention of ever hurting her. My gf backed me up. She let us date but it was a little more of a "Fine, screw you. Do whatever you want" kind of thing. I've always tried to be extremely polite to her, I've never hurt her daughter or even gotten in to any kinds of fights with her, but no matter what, she still thinks I'm the scum of the earth. There was one point where it seemed like things where getting better. She watched a movie with us and talked and laughed and everything seemed fine. But the next day, she yelled at her because she shouldn't be seeing me so often. And how from now on, if she ever hangs out with me, it needs to be under HER supervision. She mentioned how she needs to find other people and stay away from me and all this stuff. Considering how I might marry this girl, I'm probably going to have to deal with this for the rest of me life. I don't know if she'll ever like me even if I do everything right (which I have been for nearly a year). And I also have the feeling that no matter where we go, she's going to follow us. She was telling me that ever since they were kids, her mom always told her that the family would always stay together and even mentioned how her mom might always live with her... Making me nervous thinking that her mom will want to move in with us when she moves out... And considering how sensitive and easily offended her mom is, combined with how my gf can never say no, I'm afraid this could happen... She's told me countless times how she can't wait to move out so she doesn't have to deal with it anymore, but when someone asks her for a favor, she acts like she has no choice but to say yes :/ We haven't talked much about it. I mean I don't want to sound like I want to keep her away from her family, because that's not true. I want her to always have her family, but I just don't want them to be there 24/7 and never giving us any privacy. And even if she doesn't move in, just the fact that she's my mother in law, means I'm going to have to always deal with stuff like this. I love my gf and I'm super excited about being with her, but this is the only thing that makes me nervous. I don't know how to deal with it.
Treasa Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Yeah, don't get engaged to this girl until: 1. She's moved out and can support herself either alone or with you, but not with her parents' help. 2. She has demonstrated that she can establish healthy boundaries with her mom to the point where you feel like it's just the two of you in your relationship.
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