Shohane Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 (edited) "Friend" told the guy I liked that I liked him. He played dumb. I am SURE that he's not romantically interested in me. He broke up with his ex ~2 months ago. Then I explained to him, set things straight, said that I "liked" him (I did not use the word "love" or any word with such intensity) and also said I valued him as a friend and wanted to stay friends (because I already know that he doesn't feel the same). I am perfectly fine with being friends. I'm not having any expectations beyond friendship. He still plays dumb, and told me to "stop talking about romantic emotions and relationships..." Throughout the conversation, he tried to make himself look like he's not a good-enough man, that's the impression I got from it. He didn't need to do that... unless he didn't believe what I said or my point didn't come across to him.. What should I do? Why can't he just admit to not liking me if that's the case? Why must he act as if nothing is happening? To be honest, the reason why I told him I liked him was so we could set things straight so that there's no awkwardness between us. Edited March 29, 2013 by Shohane
whichwayisup Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Do nothing. Drop it and put it out of your head. He has told you in his own way he's not into you that way, respect that and just stop talking about it with him. Focus on other things in your friendship with him... But, it IS hard to be 'friends' with someone if you're interested and have feelings, it's too easy to take things the wrong way or create senario's and problems where there are none. take a step back and give him space, and use that time to focus on other friends and detach from him. 1
JJ72 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 He's not admitting to it because it's just an awkward/uncomfortable thing to say to someone. You don't need to do anything. Just blow it off and move on with your friendship, if you really want to keep him as a friend. If you keep talking about it, you might start to push him away.
Author Shohane Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 We are still talking normally as we did before. No awkwardness whatsoever. He makes it seem that I do not need to take a step back or anything. And I'm controlling myself really well, too. So all good?
whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Is it good though? Really? Only you can answer this. Guess time will tell. Everybody knows it's really hard to keep a (platonic) friendship with someone you have feelings for, especially if they know as well. He isn't invested in you which is why it's easier for him. You are emotionally attached. To him "it is what it is" and he isn't thinking or worrying about anything. To you, you may question his motives, wonder what he is thinking and why, worry or something along those lines, think maybe he's mad at you or ignoring you.. It's easy to take anything the wrong way and put your own spin on it because of your frame of mind and you feelings for him. I say, back off and stop putting so much energy into him and focus on other friends. Try to detach and don't let yourself think of him 'that' way anyway.
Author Shohane Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 To me, it is better to just act like nothing happened I can control my heart really well. If I try to distance myself from him, which I did in the past, it'll only make me miss him. However, paradoxically or ironically, if he'll just stay and be a friend, I'll get over him sooner. Time will tell, yeah
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 What you are doing is simply prolonging the agony. You are peeling the Band-aid off one hair at a time. Honestly, I suspect you'd be better off focusing on your other friends. You obviously care what he thinks, that he's happy with your behavior, etc. You're emotionally invested in him. He's not in you. You want his approval regarding your handling of his lack of feelings for you. He doesn't need or seek your approval. You're going to feel very hurt and inadequate when he becomes romantically involved with another woman, as will inevitably happen. You're going to struggle at that point with why you weren't good enough for him. You also are not going to be able to open your heart and consider another guy seriously until you let your current "friendship" with this guy go. I would really encourage you to cut ties and focus on your other friends. Holding on to this relationship is going to be a one-sided proposition with no real benefit to you. It's really all downside. Just not worth it. 2
whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 To me, it is better to just act like nothing happened I can control my heart really well. If I try to distance myself from him, which I did in the past, it'll only make me miss him. However, paradoxically or ironically, if he'll just stay and be a friend, I'll get over him sooner. Time will tell, yeah No you have it backwards. You won't get over him at all if you see him a lot. not seeing him and missing him is good because it allows you to process stuff and grieve, let go of him on an emotional level. Him staying your friend and you seeing him often just feeds your feelings. You cannot get over someone if you see them a lot!
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