finally took the last step and changed my number, has anyone else done the same

[richard9]

quick recap we were together 1 1/2 years, she was the love of my life, i did anything and everything for her, i would have died for her. she changed after she made some new friends and she left me for them. that was 5 months ago and i still think about her everyday, i loved her so much.

 

she has texted me probably once every three weeks, not saying sorry or anything like that, really just asking what i am doing, how things are etc etc i was in NC until a month ago when i broke it, just blunt replies and often ended the text conversation.

 

so the other day i changed my number, she has no way to contact me now, i guess thats it, its really over!! doesnt help that i am sick in bed with flu, everything is going around my head, what we had together, what is she doing now. i dont see how changing my number could have this effect but it has, it was like a small window that she could reach me through, to give me an insight into what she was still doing, now that window is gone, and her along with it.

 

i feel bad for her because now she will know that i am truely trying to move on from her, i think she will have alot of questions like, why did i leave her without saying anything. but i know she moved on even before the relationship ended. i still miss her so much and i feel soooooo weak, perhaps partially because of the flu so i cant go to the gym which would make me feel better.

 

my question is, has anyone changed their number or has their ex changed there number on them to get over them, and what effect did it have?

 

i think she will be annoyed and confused i always promised i would be there for her, but she walked away from me to go have fun with friends and be free and single. i want to get strong again, i was doing so well but its like in closing this last window it has knocked the last bit of fight i had left in me to get better and heal.

 

any insights would help at this point, thanks in advance.

[Sososad]

It's very normal for that effect it's like sending a closure letter

Or saying goodbye.

Part of you is trying to accept its truly over ..

Other part of you kinda knows that's the end and why it's hurting .

I think you done the right thing .. Breadcrumbs and texts can slow your recovery down so much ...

And let's be honest.. It's a small world if this person changes there mind

They will get In touch some how!

[Minneloa]

Good for you! This sounds like a crucial step in your healing process.

 

Try not to focus on how your ex will react. Your job is to take care of yourself, and your promise to always be there for her became null and void when she broke up with you.

 

I hope you are on the mend from the flu soon! Sending good thoughts.

 

M.

[richard9]

Good for you! This sounds like a crucial step in your healing process.

 

i do hope so it got to a point where i would dread the sound of my phone going off, that looooooooong wait from grabbing to phone to looking at the screen to see if it was her or not, that breath of relief when it wasnt, or those heart pounding palpitations when it was.

 

i just wanted to take that last bit of control away from her. she never once contacted me to say sorry. perhaps she doesnt even realise what she did to me, just assuming we could stay friends and not realising my heartbreak.

 

thanks for the best wishes on the flu, it makes everything seem worse. at least i wont have to worry about a random phone call (which ive never answered, but plagued me), or a blasé text which only serves to show how little she misses me.

[na49]

I didn't change my number but I did block my ex's number. It is nice to not have my heart race every time I hear my phone go off. I did it like 3 months ago, so now I'm conditioned to not even really think of her calling when my phone does ring. but if I get a call from a number I don't recognize I always hope that it will be her.

 

If you're like me, you'll feel guilty about taking this step because I thought it was extreme at first. but after a little counseling, my counselor helped me realize something that I'm trying harder and harder to see. You did what's best for you. Try to be proud of that. She doesn't need to know, and if she wants to know, she can ask you. You promised to be there for her when you guys were together. We say a lot of things when we are with the other person. How much of it do we/they mean? You shouldn't have to be there for her after she dumps you when your heart is broken.

[richard9]

You shouldn't have to be there for her after she dumps you when your heart is broken.

 

Thanks, I especially needed to hear that last part. As you say in a month or so that conditioned response should be gone. I tend to say to myself 'i hope she will be okay' when I know what I should be saying is 'you need to get yourself okay' well its another door closed which I think can only help heal me further.

[Am4Real]

Honestly, the way you wrote your post it sounds like you did this to "get back at her" rather than for yourself. If it was for you, then who cares? Apparently you do which makes me ask of your real purpose.

 

If you were trying to send her a message as was suggested, most of times when you change your number and someone sends a text to an old number through SMS, the sender does not receive any notification of a successull or unsuccessful SMS delivery.

[Am4Real]

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Another thing: for me, I would tell my EX not to contact me and to respect my wishes and would reinforce that demand if contact was jeopardized. Until there were repeat offences, I would not change anything.

Did you ask her and ultimately demand that she not contact you before you went to "hiding" from her?

[na49]

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Another thing: for me, I would tell my EX not to contact me and to respect my wishes and would reinforce that demand if contact was jeopardized. Until there were repeat offences, I would not change anything.

Did you ask her and ultimately demand that she not contact you before you went to "hiding" from her?

 

I never warned my ex I would be blocking her number just like she never warned me she'd be ripping my heart out of my chest and stepping on it. Is it a little excessive of me? Yeah. She wasn't harassing me, she was just asking to talk. but 3 months ago, I was an emotional wreck and it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

 

Like you said, why do I care how she feels about me doing what I need to do to move on? I doubt she cares what I think of her hooking up with different guys.

[richard9]

I never warned my ex I would be blocking her number just like she never warned me she'd be ripping my heart out of my chest and stepping on it. Is it a little excessive of me? Yeah. She wasn't harassing me, she was just asking to talk. but 3 months ago, I was an emotional wreck and it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

 

Like you said, why do I care how she feels about me doing what I need to do to move on? I doubt she cares what I think of her hooking up with different guys.

 

My sentiments exactly. Am4Real I did it so I would no longer feel under threat (a harsh word but apt to describing how her contact effected me) any more from the ring of the phone, for the state anna 49 sounds exactly like you know where I am coming from and it helps.d wonder it put me in. afterthoughts unfortunately for me turn to guilt of saying I would always be there and closing that door on her, compounded by the fact I did not ask her not to contact me anymore (i cant face the confrontation) so I have effectively closed the door on her. Not ideal but I feel I must do this for me. Btw I know sms texts will not show any change but least I do not have tp face them pppping up on my phone or any subseqient phone call. Which I think is best. Thanks again

[Am4Real]

Understood.

 

Stay strong!

 

My sentiments exactly. Am4Real I did it so I would no longer feel under threat (a harsh word but apt to describing how her contact effected me) any more from the ring of the phone, for the state anna 49 sounds exactly like you know where I am coming from and it helps.d wonder it put me in. afterthoughts unfortunately for me turn to guilt of saying I would always be there and closing that door on her, compounded by the fact I did not ask her not to contact me anymore (i cant face the confrontation) so I have effectively closed the door on her. Not ideal but I feel I must do this for me. Btw I know sms texts will not show any change but least I do not have tp face them pppping up on my phone or any subseqient phone call. Which I think is best. Thanks again

[Damsel in Distress]

Gosh this thread is very helpful - some outstanding responses! Blocking her number is like starting to nail the coffin shut, and I think it's a big step forward for you Richard. No doubt it's emotional and painful and may even feel like an emotional step backwards, but I would love to be at a point where I am ready to truly close and lock this door.

 

The analogy I have been using for this step is a door. Blocking her number is closing the door and locking it. I'm still hoping for contact from a man who I know will not contact me (hope is tenacious!) and leaving that possibility of contact open IS very stressful and impeding my recovery. But I can't bring myself to close all the doors and windows (in fact I keep checking to make sure they are all left open a crack). So kudos for you. I'm proud you did it! Let yourself grieve, but know that this is progress.

 

I never warned my ex I would be blocking her number just like she never warned me she'd be ripping my heart out of my chest and stepping on it.

 

Gosh I LOVE LOVE LOVE this quote! I'm not to the point of blocking the number, but that's the attitude I want to have when I get to that point! And I'm going to save this to help empower myself to the point of blocking him! It's also relevant to NC. Part of me feels almost guilty for going NC and I keep asking myself if I shouldn't have told him that is what I was doing. Now I can just read your quote and know he deserved no warning!

 

 

it got to a point where i would dread the sound of my phone going off, that looooooooong wait from grabbing to phone to looking at the screen to see if it was her or not, that breath of relief when it wasnt, or those heart pounding palpitations when it was.

 

Thank you for admitting to those feelings. I feel that way every single time I get a call or text. Adrenaline reaction.

[Am4Real]

Agree with DID, he did summarize his action and thought process perfectly.

 

 

Gosh I LOVE LOVE LOVE this quote! I'm not to the point of blocking the number, but that's the attitude I want to have when I get to that point! And I'm going to save this to help empower myself to the point of blocking him! It's also relevant to NC. Part of me feels almost guilty for going NC and I keep asking myself if I shouldn't have told him that is what I was doing. Now I can just read your quote and know he deserved no warning!.

 

 

 

 

Originally Posted by na49

I never warned my ex I would be blocking her number just like she never warned me she'd be ripping my heart out of my chest and stepping on it.

[richard9]

Thanks all. And DID I would certainly recommend it, its been hard but it seems for me anyway to take that control away from them. They can no longer do something to you that causes you distress. The hardest part is at the beginning, its the change and knowing now they are truely shut out, all those imaginings (which are purely indulgences that set you back) of them texting saying sorry, calling for help with tears saying how much they miss you, are now gone. I dont think this is a bad think because it helps me look forward without thinking of them being there in any way. The guilt that I felt about doing it is slowly starting to subside perhaps because I see that its been a positive step for myself to take.

[Damsel in Distress]

You should be proud, Richard. Wow. You took a big (difficult!) step forward with a lot of insight and grace. What a shining example.

 

all those imaginings (which are purely indulgences that set you back) of them texting saying sorry, calling for help with tears saying how much they miss you, are now gone.

 

Exactly Richard. They are purely indulgences that set us back. Great way of describing it. I know it's a pure indulgence, and am not strong enough yet to give it up. I had to look back at your post to see how long it took you to get to this point - looks like about 5 months. I'm about 6 weeks out, so let me indulge myself a little longer, lol. I'll get there eventually!

 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and reactions to taking away that control from her. Very helpful to read.

[richard9]

I had to look back at your post to see how long it took you to get to this point - looks like about 5 months. I'm about 6 weeks out, so let me indulge myself a little longer, lol. I'll get there eventually!

 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and reactions to taking away that control from her. Very helpful to read.

 

you're welcome and yes you will get there eventually, no need to rush these things at all, time is our only friend