Lonleyboy13 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 So me and gf have been together for a year and a half. I'm 25 she's 24. Our relationship to be honest was great! At times she would get down not knowing what she wants to do with herself. And last week she decided to end it out of no where to be honest with you I did not see it at all! Her reasons being she doesn't know who she is anymore, doesn't know what she wants. I begged to make it work but she didn't want to give it a chance saying she loves me and that I deserve better and now I can do things without her holding me back... What ever that means. During the breakup she was extremely upset, hyperventilating and saying she was fd in the head and is confused. So I left it went nc for a week and went to her house to get my stuff a week later. She said she was sorry about what she had done and told me she missed me I told her I did too and we spent the next 2 hours talking and crying. She talked about the future and how maybe one day we can be together but also talked about how she has missed me and confused. She also mentioned that we should be friends... I left messaging her telling her I loved her and letting her know I'm here to support her and that it didn't need to end because I would be there to help her get through this and to find herself. She never replied which I anticipated.. After 2 days nc I called her in the morning to my surprise she picked up. She told me she wanted to pick up and told me her plans for the day. At this point I got frusterated and told her that I wanted to be with her and wanted to no if she was willing to try. She got defensive and yelling at me saying "dont u think ive been thinking about this" she then ended the conversation angry had to leave for work. I messaged not long after explaining I didn't want to leave on a bad note and for her to take care of herself. That was yesterday .. What do I do... I'm really down about this girl. Before breaking up with like literally days before she told me all the time how I was the one and she wanted a future with me... In confused ! Help! I'm doing nc now
Sososad Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Sounds like your doing the right thing already . The girl is not sure what she wants so you sticking around contacting her Could push you further out.. Think no contact will help u see yhings a little clearer. Just give it time bro !
richard9 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 dont beg her anymore, you have made your position clear, its a matter of if you are willing to wait for her to make up her mind as to what she wants. if the answer is yes then give her space, be there for her when she needs you and resist the temptation to talk about the relationship and getting back together, just focus on how she is doing and what you can do for her. there comes a point though when you will need an answer, and its your choice as to how long you are willing to wait, im sure a bit of time will help clear the air and give her chance to think things through. stick to NC, let her contact you as it will show you are not needy and not putting pressure on her. just my thoughts
Cogee Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I'd strongly suggest you stop contacting her. She has made it perfectly clear that she has thought about this a lot and wants to proceed with things as they are. She may be missing you and confused, but if anyone had any sort of emotional tie to someone they will be experiencing the same things. It's not an easy decision for her to breakup but that's what she wants. She wants to keep you around as a friend to help ease the pain of her decision but ultimately it's not a sign that she wants to stay with you. It's going to be hard, but you will need to stop talking to her until you can to do without emotions attached. 1
Author Lonleyboy13 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Thanks everyone. I think I'm just annoyed at her and struggling to see why this has happened. I would never tell a girl I loved them, they are the best thing in my life and I can't wait to start a family with them and dump them the next day. There was no signs at all she played it very well. That's why I'm so confused.. ! And then when I saw her its like she wants to end up with me one day but not today.. It's all very fusterating. But I no she has issues but that's no reason to push me away. Then she said that's what she does when people get to close she pushes them away... But u r all right NC will be good for me and for her .. Just doesn't help how hurt I'm feeling.
Author Lonleyboy13 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Wow man that sucks. !! I feel for you bro.. I'd like to think its not another guy it just doesn't fit the profile. U can feel when there is another guy on the scene u no.. Besides we pretty much lived together.. I think she needs to do some soul searching to find herself. Because how could she can happy in a relationship if she isn't even happy with herself ?! Right Fml see I stick up for her !
Cogee Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 It's definitely possible there is another person. I was like you too Lonleyboy, didn't think anything was wrong in the relationship and then bam **** hits the fan and it's over so fast. I didn't think there could be anyone else because I trusted her and couldn't see her do that to me. I asked her straight up when we broke up if there was someone else and she said no. Found out a month later that there indeed was someone else, and now 2 months after breakup she is engaged to this guy. The reasons your ex gave for breaking up are pretty wishy-washy so she is not telling you everything. "she doesn't know who she is anymore, doesn't know what she wants" is another way of saying she wants her options open because something has got her thinking. There may or may not be someone else, but don't be surprised if there is and she won't admit it. Regardless, you have only yourself to worry about now.
Author Lonleyboy13 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Thanks ! I no I have to focus on myself .. I'm sick of the sleepless nights and the no eating. And the hope I hold in my heart. I always checked with her if we were on the same page and she always reassured me we were then she just freaked the **** out and changed. I'm over relationships and breakups I always am the one to get hurt and she new that she reassured me it would be different and we had a happy relationship together. ****ing hell!! I'm so annoyed at myself for letting her into my heart
NewPerspective93 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) Good, stay NC. It seems like she doesn't know what she wants, don't stick around like glue; give her time to think about her wants. Also, NEVER beg another person to make it work, if they REALLY want it to work out, they won't need convincing, they'll put into it what they want out of it. In that conversation you two had, she seemed to have opposing thoughts: missing you, being together one day, then being friends. To me, that sounds very bad. It's as if thought she's feeding you false hope then breaking it by saying "we should be friends...". This also reaffirms that she indeed does not know what she wants since she's feeding you different thoughts that don't correlate together. Do not contact her to tell her you want to be with her; people that are unsure will usually figure out what they want on their own, not from outside influence. Also, remember that one needs to love oneself before they love anyone else. You even said how she told you that she didn't know who she was anymore, how is that reassuring that you two will have something together if she doesn't have her plate clean? Remember that talk is cheap; if he really wants to work it out, she will do something about it, rather than talking about a future together. Regardless, do not get your hopes up, do as best as you can to move on. Leave her alone and stick to NC. Just because you're crazy about her does not mean you two will have a future together. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but that's how things are. All the strength to you. Cheers. Edited March 30, 2013 by NewPerspective93
Author Lonleyboy13 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 No you are right I need to leave her alone so she can figure out what she wants but yeah it did give me false hope I was doing ok when I saw her till she started say that stuff. People are just so confusing I told her I don't think I can be friends and she said she wanted to because she loved our friendship and didn't want to loose me. She needs to sort her **** out and leave me the **** alone. I honestly thought she was the one. She made me believe it too..
NewPerspective93 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) I think your well being is more important here than you two being friends right now. Maybe you two can be friends further down the road, but only IF you don't feel anything for her and don't mind her seeing anyone else. She needs to get her crap together and you need to heal and move on. Holding on to the false hope you harbor will only make you feel like sh*t. It's a killer. Get those thoughts about you two being soul-mates and all that jazz out of your head. Believing in that stuff will make moving on much harder. Hope you do well with NC, brother. Cheers. Edited March 30, 2013 by NewPerspective93
Chief Wiggum Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Sorry to break it to you, dude, but it sounds like there's another guy involved. When she says she's confused, she simply means she doesn't know which one to pick. That's what a lot of girls do, man. They're get loads of offers from guys, and they weigh their options. When she broke it off with you, she thought she could be with this other guy. But to keep her options open, she reduced you to her backup plan just incase this new guy doesn't work out. My advice to you would be to stop contacting her, and move on. You do not want to be in a relationship with a person who's unsure about her feelings towards you. It's dangerous and it'll end in on way only - your heart in a million pieces on the floor. Seriously, these are massive red flags, man. Leave her ass and move on. Find someone who shares the same feelings you have for her.
Damsel in Distress Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 She met someone else. She probably already been with him that week to test him out, liked it, and dumped you. It's definitely possible there is another person. I was like you too Lonleyboy, didn't think anything was wrong in the relationship and then bam **** hits the fan and it's over so fast. I didn't think there could be anyone else because I trusted her and couldn't see her do that to me. My breakup was also out of the blue and it turned out to be somebody else. There were no problems in our relationship, had an especially great day (Valentine's Day), and then the next day I didn't hear a word from him and he didn't reply to calls or texts. And that went on for two weeks - I was going crazy thinking he might be dead! Finally heard from him and he told me that "next day" after Valentine's Day he met somebody and those two weeks I was going crazy with worry he was spending hours on the phone with this new girl and falling hard for her. So, in my experience these "out of the blue" breakups are because another person entered the picture, and that is what makes them "confused" and "needing space". They are confused because they let themselves fall for a new person when they were already in a relationship. It sucks big time to be blindsided like that. I know. I'm very sorry. And definitely go NC. There is nothing you can do right now except give her space and work on healing yourself.
Author Lonleyboy13 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Wow you guys really think there is someone else huh? Well if there is someone else I'd be very surprised with her. We lived together pretty much I don't no where she would have met this person. But hey if so I would have prefered her tell me there is someone else rather then being out of the blue thing.
Damsel in Distress Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 We can't know for sure, just saying it is commonly a factor in these out of the blue breakups. I was totally shocked that my ex had met somebody and never would have believed that would happen. I trusted him completely. What I also keep reading is that in the out-of-the-blue breakups the dumper has been thinking about it for a while and has already started to disengage from the relationship. It's hard to believe because of the way my ex was talking and planning in the days prior to the breakup. No sign he was thinking about leaving the relationship. But that's what they say - we're blindsided, but they've been considering it a while. And bottom line, you may never know the reason and it doesn't really matter. What matters is that right now even though she feels bad about it she does not want a relationship with you. Your first reaction is to fight to keep her, and that is a normal reaction, but the next step is to start accepting her decision to step away. It's very hard because it wasn't your choice and you didn't see it coming. NC will help a lot but it's still going to be hard Stay strong, Lonely Boy.
Author Lonleyboy13 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Thanks .. It hurts but you guys are right. She doesnt want to be with me.. I'm sure I'll be ok! Thank you all
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