SJC2008 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I wouldn't ask unless she asks you if you like xyz figures on a woman first like the last woman I went out did. She looks like a thin woman and it's certainly not a trick angle shot so just go,you'll be fine.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I've put average and I sometimes get messages saying "you are not average" as in you are better than average. Who cares what you put in? let them decide based on your pictures. I guess most men ask for slim in their searches anyway so curvy or average, either way we're screwd. Haha, what's up with these men that message us to tell us that we are not fat enough to be "curvy" or "average"? I literally get messages just saying that with no desire from a guy's side to get to know me. WTF. I either use curvy or average on OKC, mostly average. I did some searches for "curvy" women on there and got scared :S My ideal would be athletic rather than thin, but it's probably not gonna happen any time soon. 1
soccerrprp Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I've put average and I sometimes get messages saying "you are not average" as in you are better than average. Who cares what you put in? let them decide based on your pictures. I guess most men ask for slim in their searches anyway so curvy or average, either way we're screwd. Dang it mesmerized, for us guys who do searches for slim or athletic, I'd appreciate it if you'd get your body type right so we don't have to tick the AVERAGE option as well. Yeah, this whole body type thing is kind of up in the air depending on how the lady likes to see themselves.
Leigh 87 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Well at least he OP'S girl did not blatantly LIE, or worse, act deluded; the way some women think their falsely "thin" amazes me! 5'4 130 lbs women seam to think they are "thin" lol, when they are just average or athletic (and may have a slim body for a large build, but that is still not slender/petite) I am guessing she simply wanted a guy to get to know her without having any preconceived notions about what she would look like. Many guys go into meeting a "thin, hot girl" with strong intentions to sleep with or date her before even getting to know her. It is the OP's problem, frankly; that he wants to spash out and spend a lot of money on a first date! Some well meant advice to him (if he ever comes back!): it is always nicer to go on online dates with the intention of "enjoying someone's company" , rather than expecting to meet women you are attracted to and also like every time. More often than not, most average looking people that have something that catches peoples attention enough in terms of their personality, WILL normally get second and third dates, and meet people that interest them romantically speaking. Just not every time, but enough to keep at it!
phineas Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I have kind of the same problem. I don't have a proper definition for my body type really. I'm naturally muscular/athletic style type body, but I am an out of shape version of those classifications, especially by my own standards. But put me next to another average guy and I'm typically bigger all around and more muscular...I look like a "strong" solid built guy plus I'm tall, not "average" torso size or shoulders, but I'm not ripped and or in good shape to be athletic. However people always assume I'm lifting weights when most of the exercises I do nowadays are plyometrics to stay in a reasonable body weight range. Most of the mass I have is from lifting weights for a long time when I was younger, it's just leftover. So I'd just go with average, or on OKcupid I just got with "used up" I'd rather be a surprise than a disappointment in the end, even though I'm not really trying to impress anyone..I do what I do for myself, some people think I'm fairly muscular/athletic, someone else might think I'm just average and out of shape...who knows! It's hard to see yourself from another persons eyes, especially when that can change or be determined by their size...I'm much bigger than a small petite girl, I'm not so much larger than a large amazonian woman :S I lift & people I talk to can tell by the way I fill out my shirts. They aren't d-bag baby-gap tight shirts either. Just M sized polo's or v-necks. But, either I take really bad pictures or I was just flat the day I took the pics but when people meet me in real life I can tell i'm not what they were expecting because they steer the convo towards me working out or ask how old my photo's are (even though I date them) But, I don't feel right putting athletic & toned unless I have a low BF% with some abs peeking out. So for POF I put average. For okcupid I put fit. I'm wondering if a tank top photo might help & what the cut-off is for athletic & toned?
iris219 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Respectfully: There is no way a woman your height who's a size 4 is "curvy." Not happenin'. You can be thin and have curves, just like you can be heavier and not have curves. I'm almost 5'9" and probably a size 2, but I'm all butt and boobs. I have to be careful what I wear to work because clothes can look too sexy on me. I'm not saying I have gigantic boobs or a giant butt, but with a small waist and long, thin arms and legs, they stand out. I agree that "curvy" probably isn't the way to describe me simply because it's become synonymous with having a few extra pounds, but I have curves. 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Hell, I've had them ask me how tall I was & how old I was over text & she contacted me first. Now, that's just careless! ...although, my guess is she was probably just trying to catch you if you lied. Those are the two most common things guys fib about. The third being marital status. ...and when I dropped those last few lbs & switched my body type from average to athletic I got a lot more responses. Women shallow? Never! Of course we are just as eager to respond to photoless profiles as we are to those with Brad Pitt. It's just that Brad Pitt has such a...errr...ummm...sparkly personality that it comes through in his words. Even from women that previously ignored me. Trust me, it wasn't the new six-pack! It was your new-found sparkly personality that radiated across the screen. Obviously, both genders notice looks. I think what many women find so off-putting is the level of pickiness, the narrow range of acceptability, and the seemingly unilateral focus on looks guys have in picking someone. Even when they themselves leave a lot to be desired. Many women, once they get beyond high school begin to weigh other things just as heavily. As long as the guy isn't Quasimodo, she'll overlook deficiencies in his appearance if he's great in other areas when she starts looking for a relationship partner. It seems for some (many? most?) guys, it remains all looks all the time. She could have poisoned her last six husbands, murdered every boyfriend she ever had, screech like a hyena, have the personality of a cardboard box, and be as dumb as a rock..but if she's hawt, he'll risk his life and take a shot anyway. It's frustrating that everything else that you bring to the table in a relationship is irrelevant. Just your looks matter...it can feel a little dehumanizing. That's all. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Now, that's just careless! ...although, my guess is she was probably just trying to catch you if you lied. Those are the two most common things guys fib about. The third being marital status. Women shallow? Never! Of course we are just as eager to respond to photoless profiles as we are to those with Brad Pitt. It's just that Brad Pitt has such a...errr...ummm...sparkly personality that it comes through in his words. Trust me, it wasn't the new six-pack! It was your new-found sparkly personality that radiated across the screen. Obviously, both genders notice looks. I think what many women find so off-putting is the level of pickiness, the narrow range of acceptability, and the seemingly unilateral focus on looks guys have in picking someone. Even when they themselves leave a lot to be desired. Many women, once they get beyond high school begin to weigh other things just as heavily. As long as the guy isn't Quasimodo, she'll overlook deficiencies in his appearance if he's great in other areas when she starts looking for a relationship partner. It seems for some (many? most?) guys, it remains all looks all the time. She could have poisoned her last six husbands, murdered every boyfriend she ever had, screech like a hyena, have the personality of a cardboard box, and be as dumb as a rock..but if she's hawt, he'll risk his life and take a shot anyway. It's frustrating that everything else that you bring to the table in a relationship is irrelevant. Just your looks matter...it can feel a little dehumanizing. That's all. Truer words have never been spoken! Just looking at posts here it seems that guys are deathly afraid of having coffee with a woman that's 10lbs over their ideal....yet I bet they look far from the centerfold model themselves...... And if a guy on OKC ever asked me for more body shots before meeting me, he would be nexted quicker than umm saying "next" , even if my body was flawless.
phineas Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Now, that's just careless! ...although, my guess is she was probably just trying to catch you if you lied. Those are the two most common things guys fib about. The third being marital status. Women shallow? Never! Of course we are just as eager to respond to photoless profiles as we are to those with Brad Pitt. It's just that Brad Pitt has such a...errr...ummm...sparkly personality that it comes through in his words. Trust me, it wasn't the new six-pack! It was your new-found sparkly personality that radiated across the screen. Obviously, both genders notice looks. I think what many women find so off-putting is the level of pickiness, the narrow range of acceptability, and the seemingly unilateral focus on looks guys have in picking someone. Even when they themselves leave a lot to be desired. Many women, once they get beyond high school begin to weigh other things just as heavily. As long as the guy isn't Quasimodo, she'll overlook deficiencies in his appearance if he's great in other areas when she starts looking for a relationship partner. It seems for some (many? most?) guys, it remains all looks all the time. She could have poisoned her last six husbands, murdered every boyfriend she ever had, screech like a hyena, have the personality of a cardboard box, and be as dumb as a rock..but if she's hawt, he'll risk his life and take a shot anyway. It's frustrating that everything else that you bring to the table in a relationship is irrelevant. Just your looks matter...it can feel a little dehumanizing. That's all. In real life I agree with you. I have had women approach me when I was out & strike up a convo. But I was speaking in the context of OLD. Unless you are very good looking man, close to 6ft tall or just ripped (at any height) you will be wondering if your email is broken when it comes to OLD. I've had local women with the same interests as me completely blow me off at the last minute, or go ghost on me when I number close on OLD, remain on the site, then be totally into me at a POF meet or when I run into them randomly when out at a local music event & it blows my mind. Especially since i'm not even going for the really hot one's on the site because their profiles are basically about shopping, traveling, & laying out by the pool / at the beech. LOL! Keep in mind i'm 41 & honestly there are not a whole load of women +/- my age by 3 or 4 yrs which is what I was searching for at the time. Now im going down to 32 & up to 48. (some really hot pushing 50 women just looking for fun out there)
phineas Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Truer words have never been spoken! Just looking at posts here it seems that guys are deathly afraid of having coffee with a woman that's 10lbs over their ideal....yet I bet they look far from the centerfold model themselves...... And if a guy on OKC ever asked me for more body shots before meeting me, he would be nexted quicker than umm saying "next" , even if my body was flawless. right because disqualifying a man over his height, level of male pattern baldness, job, income, build, clothes he wears, ect on OLD as seen on this forum in multiple posts by women is perfectly acceptable & proves only men are shallow & picky. What are you smoking? I'd love to alter my reality in such a way & still retain the fine motor skills needed to post about it on a forum.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Here's the type of women I've all seen call themselves "Curvy"; Curvy - exhibit A Curvy - exhibit B Curvy - exhibit C Curvy - exhibit D Exhibit D is apple-shaped. Her waist is clearly much larger than her chest and her hips, the exact opposite of curvy. Incidentally, that shape puts her at greater risk for cardiovascular disease and a number of other health problems. So from a man's point of view, it can be quite..confusing, judging from that "description" and you may be quite confused by the term alone on what to expect. Sorry, but an apple is not curvy, just as American Idol contenders who landed in outtakes had zero talent. So what that they claim that they would definitely win! In neither situation are these people making credible statements! Photos, accounting for the angles at which they are taken, give a much better sense of size than a self-serving description. Men are just as guilty BTW of trying to fib about their weight as women. When I did OLD, it was not uncommon to have a guy "fess"up to being 450 pounds or so right before he asked me out...followed by a sob story about how he couldn't exercise and had gone from his pictures (hefty guy) to the size he was now warning me about.
Els Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 What are you smoking? I'd love to alter my reality in such a way & still retain the fine motor skills needed to post about it on a forum. Seek not what ye already hath. 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 right because disqualifying a man over his height, level of male pattern baldness, job, income, build, clothes he wears, ect on OLD as seen on this forum in multiple posts by women is perfectly acceptable & proves only men are shallow & picky. What are you smoking? I'd love to alter my reality in such a way & still retain the fine motor skills needed to post about it on a forum. This isn't necessarily directed at you, but since you raised it, I'll quote you... Why are guys so focused on hair??? Or the size of their biceps??? Most women don't care! I can't tell you how many guys try to sell themselves by saying they have a full head of hair. Great! Do you bring anything else to the table besides functional hair follicles on the top of your head? That's nice and all, but I'm looking for a relationship, not something to grab on to while you go down on me. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 This isn't necessarily directed at you, but since you raised it, I'll quote you... Why are guys so focused on hair??? Or the size of their biceps??? Most women don't care! I can't tell you how many guys try to sell themselves by saying they have a full head of hair. Great! Do you bring anything else to the table besides functional hair follicles on the top of your head? That's nice and all, but I'm looking for a relationship, not something to grab on to while you go down on me. Guys think that we look at them the way they look at us P - if you only knew how many "hot" but clearly unintelligent/immature men I have passed over on OKC in favor of average looking, smart and (seemingly) kind guy..... 1
USMCHokie Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 This isn't necessarily directed at you, but since you raised it, I'll quote you... Why are guys so focused on hair??? Or the size of their biceps??? Most women don't care! I can't tell you how many guys try to sell themselves by saying they have a full head of hair. Great! Do you bring anything else to the table besides functional hair follicles on the top of your head? That's nice and all, but I'm looking for a relationship, not something to grab on to while you go down on me. There's a simple explanation for this. Men focus on looks. Women focus more on personality and non-physical traits. The problem is that men and women tend to project their own desires onto the opposite sex. That is, men focus on looks and think that women also focus on looks. Likewise, women focus on personality and think that men also focus on personality. Do you see how there can be a terrible disconnect there? We don't have an understanding of how the opposite sex can be attracted to other things besides what we're attracted to. Simple solution: Men - write a better profile and develop your personality. Women - take better pictures and don't be fat. Done. 4
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Respectfully: There is no way a woman your height who's a size 4 is "curvy." Not happenin'. Again, curvy is defined by your chest-waist-hip ratio. It has zero to do with weight or size. Rolls of fat do not make one curvy. Ratios...whether you are curvy, an apple, a pear, a banana, or a triangle...are largely genetics. I come from a long line of women with watermelons and round butts on both sides of my family. At an H cup (although I often settle for a G cup since those don't require special ordering, and they also make my chest look smaller), I happen to be the smallest chested woman in my extended family. Most quickly referenced sources define curvy as "having curves." A tautology isn't helpful here, so...y'all don't hate because of the source! Curvy, in the traditional sense, means having an ample bosom, trim waist, and round butt. Tyra Banks, Gisele Bundchen, and Scarlett Johansson are truly curvy. They have meat in all the right places!* ..... The word "curvy" should be used to describe a woman with large breasts, a small waist, and a full bottom. REAL curvy women are Kim Kardashian, Scarlett Johansson, and Marilyn Monroe. HOWEVER, in teen magazines like Seventeen and Cosmo Girl, "curvy" is used as a synonym for fat, so that fat girls feel better about their figures. Gisele Bundchen, Tyra Banks, and Marilyn Monroe are obviously very different sizes. All three, however, are the epitome of curvy and proudly call(ed) themselves that.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Guys think that we look at them the way they look at us P - if you only knew how many "hot" but clearly unintelligent/immature men I have passed over on OKC in favor of average looking, smart and (seemingly) kind guy..... Yup! I think it's why guys seem so confused when you end up with Mr. Average Guy after turning down Mr. Hottie. They jump to wacky conclusions that he must have a better PUA game. Nope. It's precisely because he doesn't play games that he snagged me. He's simply better boyfriend material. 1
USMCHokie Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Yup! I think it's why guys seem so confused when you end up with Mr. Average Guy after turning down Mr. Hottie. They jump to wacky conclusions that he must have a better PUA game. Nope. It's precisely because he doesn't play games that he snagged me. He's simply better boyfriend material. And consistent with my premise above, this is no different from Miss Average Girl being so confused that Mr. Average Guy whom she got along with so well ran off with Miss Hottie.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 The way I see it, you only need PUA to get the confidence to approach girls and ask them out. After that, PUA will do nothing but hinder you, if you are after a LTR that is. 1
RedRobin Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I don't care what other people think my body type is. It gets me around. I'm very healthy... and it constantly surprises me what it can do and continue to do... hopefully for quite awhile longer. If anything, I'm too muscular or too skinny for a lot of guys, but I don't care. I have to live with this body 24/7 and have fun with it. Which I do If all a guy cares about is me being some receptacle, then I don't really have time for them. AT ALL. 1
iris219 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 And consistent with my premise above, this is no different from Miss Average Girl being so confused that Mr. Average Guy whom she got along with so well ran off with Miss Hottie. I don't think anyone is confused about this. 2
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 And consistent with my premise above, this is no different from Miss Average Girl being so confused that Mr. Average Guy whom she got along with so well ran off with Miss Hottie. Point well taken. I would say the difference is she's not confused. She immediately understands why he ran off with little Miss Hottie. She's just surprised and disappointed that he would be that "shallow." Of course, not all guys are like that. I have seen truly homely women steal a guy from a hot girl. They figured out how to connect with him. It's not just looks for some men, despite guys' seeming obsession with minutiae, especially around weight.
USMCHokie Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 This is why men are the more shallow sex and why I think they just lack depth as a person overall. But hey, this is coming from a guy himself... How do you define "shallow"? Shallow, in the most general and vague terms, could simply mean that one focuses on one particular trait over all others. Society has associated shallow with looks, but can you not also be shallow regarding a person's intelligence...? Humor...? Education...? Kindness...? However, in the realm of dating, my general belief is that people accuse someone of being "shallow" when that other person focuses on a trait that they don't posses themselves. It's a simple defense mechanism to shift blame onto others so as to not reveal one's own shortcomings. A guy with no money is going to call a woman who wants a rich guy "shallow." A homely woman is going to call a guy who is looking for an attractive woman "shallow." Have you ever seen a rich guy who attracts a woman with money call the woman "shallow"? Or see a good looking woman who attracts a man with her beauty call him "shallow"?
iris219 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 However, in the realm of dating, my general belief is that people accuse someone of being "shallow" when that other person focuses on a trait that they don't posses themselves. It's a simple defense mechanism to shift blame onto others so as to not reveal one's own shortcomings. A guy with no money is going to call a woman who wants a rich guy "shallow." A homely woman is going to call a guy who is looking for an attractive woman "shallow." Have you ever seen a rich guy who attracts a woman with money call the woman "shallow"? Or see a good looking woman who attracts a man with her beauty call him "shallow"? Shallow is when someone focuses on and gives high importance to traits which aren't essential to or have no effect on the essence of the person (who the person is). I am so much more than how I look. If a man dated me only because I'm hot, he would be shallow.
Els Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Men focus on looks. Women focus more on personality and non-physical traits. This could be true for the majority, perhaps especially those who go for OLD, but I'm fairly certain it doesn't apply to all. Hence an easy way for a guy to win = don't be superficial. Many women appreciate a man who loves her intellect and personality the way she loves his. Makes him an instant keeper.
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