CryForNoOne Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I've agreed to meet someone for what will likely be an expensive first date (I generally treat no matter what) and now I'm having second thoughts. The flow of the conversation was food and music we liked and it turns out her favorite sushi place is a couple blocks away from my favorite live music venue. So it just made sense to meet there. We've exchanged a few long messages and we definitely have a lot in common. But it's been bothering me the entire time we've messaged. Gorgeous face, great fashion sense in all her pics. She's 5'9 but her body type is listed as "-". She has 6 pics and every one is above the chest only. She's definitely not plus size, but if there is one absolute deal breaker attribute for me, it is that she must be thin. I don't think I'm going to but I'm curious if other men would ask or how ladies would react to that question. Isn't it fair to know before you meet someone? But I would feel really awkward asking, especially at this point. Is it at all possible she is thin and doesn't want to disclose? 3 pics of her (face blocked out) are in my profile album.
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Duh - in case it wasn't clear, this is OLD so we haven't met yet.
ja123 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Firstly, if you ask now, then you're going to look really shallow. Maybe she's in shape, but she'll cancel the date because of that. Secondly, you should just put your body preference in your OLD profile, and preface it with "No offense to all you wonderful ladies, but I prefer very slim women." Or something like that. (Maybe wait to do that after your date with her?!) BTW, she doesn't look fat in her photos from what I can tell, but then my idea of slim might be different from yours. 1
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 She does look thin right? That's why it seems so weird. I'm wondering maybe she did that intentionally... When I first glanced at her profile I assumed she was thin and messaged her. It wasn't until she replied I noticed all shots were above the chest and body type was "-". I def like them thin but no they don't need to be Kate Moss thin. I'd say 135-140 lbs is about my limit for 5'9.
Sanitarium Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I wouldn't ask OP. She's clearly in decent shape - her face is not fat and that's very hard to hide BTW at 5'9, I've seen women who weight 150 Lbs who still look great...but that's assuming she works out and has a lotta curves naturally 1
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Firstly, if you ask now, then you're going to look really shallow. Maybe she's in shape, but she'll cancel the date because of that. Right that's why I said I'd feel awkward. Not going to do it at this point. More wondering why she didn't list at all and if there is any hope she is... Secondly, you should just put your body preference in your OLD profile, and preface it with "No offense to all you wonderful ladies, but I prefer very slim women." Or something like that. (Maybe wait to do that after your date with her?!) Maybe. Didn't want to seem shallow but hey we all have some physical preferences. I'm tall and slender so it just feels natural to be with someone of same basic physique.
soccerrprp Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I'm no expert, but she looks like someone who's likely to be average at least. I'd be surprised if she was heavier. Good luck.
FitChick Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 (edited) You can't always tell by the face. Christina Hendricks has a thin face and no double chin but you'd never call her thin! I knew a woman who did OLD and only posted head shots. A gorgeous woman, very funny and bright. Below the neck she was 300 lbs. and dressed like my great aunt Tilly. In my profile I ask that men have a head shot without hat or sunglasses and a full length shot. If there are none and a guy contacts me I ask for more photos. I often won't hear back. One guy said he wanted to lose "three pounds." Edited March 29, 2013 by FitChick
curlygirl40 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I think if this is a total deal breaker for you, you should have talked about it before setting up this date. From the pics she looks like she has a smaller build. Maybe she doesn't post full body pics because she gets crude e-mails. I'm busty and they are always covered in my photos on dating websites but sometimes I still get crude messages from guys because of it. Maybe she's trying to weed that out. You could be missing out on a great date if you put her off by bringing this up now. I find also it's harder to get full body pics of yourself, so maybe she just doesn't have any. All of mine have friends in them. Good luck!
hppr Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Her pics look like that because it's a camera phone and she either can't figure out how or doesn't want to get a friend to take a full body shot. Meet up with her, if she's hot then GREAT if she has a 5 foot wide butt and a high-pitched screeching voice it'll be something to laugh about later on.
hppr Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 What the other person said is true as well, lots of women online will try to make their pics more formal because guys send all sorts of nasty stuff to them. 2
CarrieT Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Which begs the question - why are you going on an expensive first date? Usually those are relegated to a coffee meet-and-greet to see if there is compatibility before shucking out big bucks. 6
ja123 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Maybe. Didn't want to seem shallow but hey we all have some physical preferences. I'm tall and slender so it just feels natural to be with someone of same basic physique. I'd state your preference right up front on your profile. This will help you in your search as you will not be wasting time and money on people who are not your physical type. Likewise, they won't be wasting their time either. It has to be tactful, of course. I've seen this on men's OLD profiles and I haven't been offended. You could include that you're tall and slender and prefer slender women. You know, it's hard to say how this woman will look in person. As someone else said, look at Christina Hendricks. I guess it's a choice between taking a chance and blowing the money, or cancelling the date at this point. It's kind of too late to ask for a full body pic, now that the date has been set-up. 1
ja123 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Which begs the question - why are you going on an expensive first date? Usually those are relegated to a coffee meet-and-greet to see if there is compatibility before shucking out big bucks. This is very true. OP, is there anyway that you could make an excuse to break the date and then contact her the week after for coffeer?
veggirl Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 No body shot or body type selected...she is very likely overweight. Like, 95% chance I'd guess. Meet for coffee so you're not out a bunch of a cash if she is not what you desire. Who the hell goes for sushi and live music on a first date with someone they've never met?! 5
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Which begs the question - why are you going on an expensive first date? Usually those are relegated to a coffee meet-and-greet to see if there is compatibility before shucking out big bucks. Yeah I'm aware of that, but back peddaling on the venue would be kinda off-putting as well if I were her. It was just the flow of the conversation. I mentioned I love a particular live music venue. She asked me if I liked sushi and mentioned her favorite place. It happened to be 2 blocks away from the bar I recommended - not sure if she was aware of that. I quickly replied - "Sounds like the makings of a great first date!" She said "Why not.". And it was done. Then I was like - hmmmm.... 1
Eggplant Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 No body shot or body type selected...she is very likely overweight. Like, 95% chance I'd guess.Have you seen her arms? She is surely thin. She may be self-conscious about her lack of curves.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Every first date I went on was fairly expensive when I did OLD. Most tried to plan it around an interest of mine that came up in conversation. Not one guy suggested coffee. Ditto for dates that come from real life encounters. She looks slim and healthy. Everyone's definition of thin is different, so only you can answer that. Many people don't realize that you need full body shots. Also most women don't have full body shots lying around. I had to carry my camera around because all I had lying around were head shots when I started putting together my profile. I highly doubt she is hiding anything or that there would be surprises. In your shoes, I'd have enough information to just go on the date. If you want, ask for a full body shot, don't ask for her body type. I have had a couple of guys ask for more photos (I had eight, six of which showed my full body). I knew why they asked, and it was a complete non-issue for me. I want to make sure that they knew what they're getting because otherwise, it's a complete waste of my time. 1
mesmerized Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Just ask her for more pictures. What's the big deal? 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 You're better off looking at the arms than the face to determine body weight...women can have very thin faces and take nice angles to slim themselves down quite a bit, however the arms often (not always) give more of indication of body weight, even the chest can be deceiving depending on how they dress...you also need something to compare to, so if they're standing alone they might look thin, but next to a girl who is thinner than they are they'll look bigger or more their actual size...it gives you a gauge....pictures that are this close are hard to determine exact weight. Women (and men alike) already know weight/body type/height is a pretty significant issue with OLD (if you have an "issue")...so many are obviously going to try to look their best...mentioning it in your profile however will help filter out the kind of weight/body type you are looking for. People within your weight preference group are also less likely to be critical since they might be able to relate instead of just calling you shallow. This is OLD, you kind of dug your own grave on this one...especially with her body weight not listed and not getting a full body shot...big "don't" if you're looking at seeing how someone exactly looks. At this point just go on the date and be open-minded about it....if she isn't your type then just be polite and treat her like a human being regardless...and simply don't go out with her again, at this point it'd be a bit douchey and cruel to reject her due to her body type...because you'd basically have to ask and make it obvious at this point since the date is already set. Whatever you do, don't tell her she isn't your "body type" if she is over weight and make a stank face or act like a jerk...just go along with it, just be "friendly" and try to cut it short...tell her you don't see anything more than a friendship on your end and wish her the best...or just do the ole fade guys do. You could try to change the venue or come up busy, but that's up to you...If you're that worried about it, maybe it's best you don't go and take the risk If it's something that would really bother you. If it makes any difference however...I do not think she will be very overweight or anything, looks average to fairly slim to me.
kaylan Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 People who dont post full body shots are usually hiding something. Proceed with caution. And I agree with Ninja that arms are a good giveaway clue.
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 This is very true. OP, is there anyway that you could make an excuse to break the date and then contact her the week after for coffeer? Not a chance. I'm fairly certain she's "average" or better - and most guys seem to agree with my guess. So it stands to reason she has tons of other guys online trying to ask her out. Guys have one chance with a pretty girl like her... I've always found that seizing the moment is the only way to go. Hesitate or even worse FLAKE and you lose your opportunity... 1
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 I appreciate everyone's feedback on the pics. It seems reasonable that she may not have many full body shots without friends in them, or that she withheld them not to encourage creeps. Looking at the arms and shoulders she might be really thin. My guess is that she is average at worst, which is OK. I can afford a sushi dinner and if she's pear shaped, at least the table blocks that, and I can pretend I'm having dinner with a super model ;-)
Malia25 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 You're better off looking at the arms than the face to determine body weight...women can have very thin faces and take nice angles to slim themselves down quite a bit, however the arms often (not always) give more of indication of body weight, even the chest can be deceiving depending on how they dress...you also need something to compare to, so if they're standing alone they might look thin, but next to a girl who is thinner than they are they'll look bigger or more their actual size...it gives you a gauge....pictures that are this close are hard to determine exact weight. . For unfortunate sausage arm gals everywhere, I'd venture to say your assessment is wrong. It's weird and annoying, but my upper arms is one of the first places my fat goes to (with a vengeance). Ok, I'm being dramatic. My arms are not huge, but I certainly don't have skinny upper arms. I am curvy. I have thick thighs and big o' booty, but my waist is slim. I wouldn't classify myself as fat and a lot of people tell me I'm "tiny" - but I really think that depends on race. lol. God, who cares about moi? What I'm saying is....I don't think upper arms are a determing factor on ones body type. I know plenty of gals who have much smaller upper arms than me, but they are significantly bigger down below. I'm quite jealous of their skinny arms! That's a hard part to work off, moreso than the belly. I do agree that having bigger upper arms definitely gives off the impression that ones body type is on the chubbier side - but it really depends. I feel like posting an anonymous shot to prove this point, but then you'd all would be hungray for sausage. =/ HAHA. Some people have really chubby/big faces and end up with small bodies (like lollipops). 1
PogoStick Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 She looks attractive, nice lips. Body is hard to tell because her face and neck look slender but then she lacks tone around the torso and arms. I'm guessing she's either average, or thinner but lacking muscle tone. There's just no way to predict if she carries most in the hips. I think it's unfortunate you're obsessing and going about it this way though. At this point you better have a great time and appreciate her even if you're underwhelmed upon meeting. It's not fair to have buyers remorse, so next time keep it casual until you know the attraction is there.
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