Gingerxr2 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I just emailed my ex , asking for forgiveness ? And what's worse is I don't know why I do as I did nothing wrong ? It's worse that I. Know will be gutted if she doesn't reply and I know I'm going to get stick on here , but it's almost like I can't let go ?? Why not what's wrong with me ?????? How can some people be stronger ie her and not even give a **** ? I don't get it ?? Please be gentle very very emotional right now !!
Mcnulty Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Hey, not going to give you grief, cut yourself some slack Ginge. This may be the pre-ordained way you heal...you could put yourself in a win-win position....you reached out...if she replies, DONT read it, delete it and then try to learn from what you did, then maybe you wont do it again. 1
na49 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Self control. You need it dude. Bottom line. You don't think I want to message my ex right now and fix everything? I do! I don't give a f*ck if she cheated on me, I want her! but I'm not going to contact her. I can't do it. I'd feel the same way you feel right now, probably worse.
NewPerspective93 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 First and foremost, who was the one who broke it up; you or the other person? Regardless, stay strong. Cheers.
tylerd Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Self control. You need it dude. Bottom line. You don't think I want to message my ex right now and fix everything? I do! I don't give a f*ck if she cheated on me, I want her! but I'm not going to contact her. I can't do it. I'd feel the same way you feel right now, probably worse. I feel the same way. I just saw my ex last night (kids conferences) and wanted to tell her I still love her and she should move back in. But if I did that how could I look at myself in the mirror and call myself a man after she cheated on me. I divorced her and that's the way its going to stay regardless of what I really want. Self control... Be strong, you can do it. 1
IfiKnewThen Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 (edited) i think you did great. yep thats right. i dont care what all the websites say or people say. my philosophy is this. try however you can as long as you dont sound stalkish or get stalkish. but to me its perfectly ok to profess your love or to try to make a mends when you truly love someone. it says in the bible love is kind and patient and gentle and doesnt add wrong doings. my friend you are in love with her. it also says in the bible there is a time for everything. i do NOT believe that everyone here should go no contact asap. i think there is a time to fight for someone. to apologize. to make a mends. to KNOW well that you did all you could THEN, go no contact. i think this is good sometimes for a number of reasons. A) you get to say whats truly in your heart and you dont have to pretend to be something youre not B) if she doesnt love this about you then she doesnt love you, she could love who she thinks you are and arent c) you get to know you did all you can and will have no regrets with knowing that much in life. d) when you stop contacting ..she will notice it. i mean after you have called and tried to make a mends and be loving..i think they then notice when your not around more than if bam no contact....oh and theres no contact today either. it becomes more like wow.....they were trying so hard, what happened. hes not calling anymore... then she can think maybe she pushed it too far by NOT responding. she takes notice of your absence more after "a little contact". so the bottom line is dont feel bad. the only thing is it's not really good to apologize when you feel strongly and OBJECTIVELY that youre not wrong. because then that can build resentment in you down the line. if you apologize, mean it, or see where fault can really lie with you sometimes too. this way you can learn. BUT if youre the one always and forever apologizing...and she never does, then you can make her a believer that youre the one who is always wrong when youre not. its complicated. but if you love her...dont regret giving it your best shot. feel good about yourself. that was brave and admirable. you are the better person for it now. she isnt. have pride in that and keep moving forward with healing. dont wait to live. live while you wait. if she calls she calls. if she doesnt ..she doesnt. you did your best. Edited March 29, 2013 by IfiKnewThen 4
steveT95 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I love what Ifiknewthisthen just said. It's perfect for me and possibly you too. How long has it been since you guys broke up? Sometimes it's good to contact each other if things need clearing up, if possible I think it's good to talk it all through. Got dumped today and we argued for ages but then we ended up talking and we are okay with each other. Doesn't make it any easier to let go, but maybe I won't have to. And if I do? Well at least we won't be bitter about each other or have to avoid each other. I hope you can apply some of this to your own situation.
lop98 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Me too.. thanks, Ifiknewthisthen. It made me feel a lot better. as much as it hurt to break NC for me and find out that there really is no hope, in the middle of all the pain there's relief, knowing you didn't hold on to who you were and how you felt, it's all out for them to take it or leave it. And when they leave it, the road's clear to move on freely; a painful but safe road.
IfiKnewThen Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 (edited) yes, i think its profoundly healing to be true to yourself. there is something so uncomfortable about going against yourself in order to play a game or make them think a certain thing when it's NOT a true thing about you. you run the risk of being sorry for NOT being yourself in the end. i mean you cant thrust yourself on people, or go beyond crossed boundaries....but thats different. never regret telling someone you love them. i think the worst regret is not telling them and not trying. i rather wake up in the morning knowing i fought the good fight for myself by making contact and then when all else failed....going no contact at that point in time. like i said as long as you dont inundate them and stalk them. the rest is just demonstrating love and appreciation in the purest truest sense when u take a chance and make contact. never regret that. even if they dont deserve it, you deserve to express yourself in your fashion. the other thing is, that if you design no contact or act false to make an impression on them, then they are the ones in control, not you. you empower yourself to contact them when you feel like it, even if you reveal your true feelings for them in the process. youre in control, because your being who you are. so dont feel anxious if they dont call back or respond as you hoped they would. you cant control them, but you can still be in charge of some of the situation in that you got to say what you wanted to say when you wanted to say it. good luck and God bless. Edited March 29, 2013 by IfiKnewThen 2
Author Gingerxr2 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Hi guys , thanks for your replys , To be honest I have regretted sending the email , but on the the other hand I don't , it's been 8 months since the b/u and 7 months since last contact , she's made it pretty clear by changing mobile and blocking Facebook that she wants nothing to do with me and I'm not even sure if she's got her e-mail address anymore ? I do still love her and in some ways I guess I always will but its the letting go bit that I'm finding the hardest , she only lives a few miles away and it's only my self control that has stopped me going to see her but I respect her space, I guess that her not reaching out at all is her way of saying its over and that's the hardest part for me , I put so much into the 5 year relationship and having it thrown back in my face has really really tested me and my faith , Thanks guys for listening x
Steadfast Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 ....as long as you dont sound stalkish or get stalkish. but to me its perfectly ok to profess your love or to try to make a mends when you truly love someone. *snip* ...to KNOW well that you did all you could THEN, go no contact. ^^ Agree. Don't pretend you don't if you do. Be real. When I was growing up, my pop used to say; "Before you can do anything, you first must WANT to do it." That's the key. What do you want? If you love her and want her back, then you've done all you do. Lay your cards on the table. Try and understand. But! Always remember everyone has the right of freewill. She knows how you feel. The ball is in her court. Don't ever use love for leverage. It cheapens it. Deal with if she answers yes by trying to solve what caused the breakup. If her answer is no (or she stalls...same thing) then hopefully what you'll want is to be happy. That you do have to fake for awhile. But, if your goal is to be a happy and well-rounded person, then you'll value the lessons in life when things don't go our way. Deal with rejection is critical in being happy and well-rounded. No contact is giving her what she asked for. Freedom. Be a real man! Love is not a competition. Make yourself into who you want to be and allow love and relationships to sweeten life; don't hinge your existence on it. That's all relationships, not just the romantic ones. Balance is the key.
Author Gingerxr2 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Yeah I agree I've done everything I can do and I will give her the space, I can forgive her for how she treated me and everything she did, I have myself as I know I wasn't blameless in any of this , could of done alot of things differently and I know I have to learn from these mistakes and I guess that's why it's harder that I can't say sorry and hear the reaction , I just hope one day she will forgive me like I have forgiven her
na49 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I don't disagree with telling someone that you love them if you love them. My problem is, if I told my ex how I felt about her, I'd expect to hear the same thing back. and if I didn't, it would drive me insane. I've been considering telling her how I felt for some time, but the unknown of how it would be received is keeping me from doing so. Plus after not speaking for almost 5 months now, it may seem a little out of the ordinary. Also what's the difference between showing your love for someone and looking needy/desperate? If I sent her flowers and chocolate, showed up at her house uninvited after she left me, would that show my love or would that show her I'm insane?
cavalier99 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I don't disagree with telling someone that you love them if you love them. My problem is, if I told my ex how I felt about her, I'd expect to hear the same thing back. and if I didn't, it would drive me insane. I've been considering telling her how I felt for some time, but the unknown of how it would be received is keeping me from doing so. Plus after not speaking for almost 5 months now, it may seem a little out of the ordinary. Also what's the difference between showing your love for someone and looking needy/desperate? If I sent her flowers and chocolate, showed up at her house uninvited after she left me, would that show my love or would that show her I'm insane? Definitly bat sh*t crazy insane! Dude it is soooooo over. Let it go. She is another person and wants nothing to do with you. Your barley a passing thought now. This is reality. Sorry. Cav
Darren Steez Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Dude 8 months, no contact, she changed her mobile, hasn't reached out..when does your behaviour stop becoming self repeating border line stalkerish? Do you like feeling that way? You are running towards her and she's running away from you. Each message you send doesn't suddenly wake her up from her realization that she loves you and is missing the greatest person in the world, it makes her feel more sorry for you. Dude life sucks, there are people who wouldn't think twice about dropping a person like a bad habit and moving on. You keep dwelling on this the only person that suffers is you. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and having these little pity parties. Be proud of yourself and the fact you can look to the future and meet someone who will love the living heck out of you...that's what makes life sweet. You now know how painful things can get, one day you'll look back and go wow life is good now. Good Luck. 1
Author Gingerxr2 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Without sounding like a pansy , that quite upset me , not because of what was said but the fact your right , I guess she's the first person I truly loved , I went through alot with her , mum dieing , first house with someone etc , spoke about marriage and kids , and I guess for me that means alot , and to have someone just walk away and think nothing about it , that's not me !! I understand what your saying and thinking about I guess it could seem stalkerish , I was just trying to show I missed her
cavalier99 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 No more emails for you. Your out of your alloted emails. Ok? Cav
Author Gingerxr2 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 No more emails for you. Your out of your alloted emails. Ok? Cav Lol ok , Cheers for listening guys
Minneloa Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I don't disagree with telling someone that you love them if you love them. My problem is, if I told my ex how I felt about her, I'd expect to hear the same thing back. and if I didn't, it would drive me insane. I've been considering telling her how I felt for some time, but the unknown of how it would be received is keeping me from doing so. Plus after not speaking for almost 5 months now, it may seem a little out of the ordinary. Also what's the difference between showing your love for someone and looking needy/desperate? If I sent her flowers and chocolate, showed up at her house uninvited after she left me, would that show my love or would that show her I'm insane? Showing up with flowers after five months of silence would seem beyond needy and desperate. It"s time to let it go.
Author Gingerxr2 Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 Ok it's been a while since I did this and no replay , today Im just venting but to be honest I feel a but better about myself , I'm not sure if age got the message a dcyo be honest I'm not really all that bothered , I know deep down that yeah I wasn't great in this relationship , there time when I could have prioritised her more and sober time taking her out , told her age looked beautiful etc , but there's times when she could have done the same , the worst bit is the feeling like a failure , self pride or ego still bad
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