snilljente Posted September 12, 2004 Posted September 12, 2004 Ok....Men, I really want answers here ...Here's the deal...I dated a guy who told me that he had only felt this way once before in his life (we are both in our 30s)....had me try on a ring, had me meet family several times, talked about houses, cars, dogs, rings....etc...all in relation to what we would possibly have in the future....kids' names...bla bla bla....I was the reserved one...but after time, I broke down (with much encouragement on his part) and began to open up and share my thoughts/ feelings with him...one being that "I was falling for him" but was afraid that telling him would make him run....He said "that's not gonna make me run"....and then asked "how does that make you feel"..I told him happy and he said he was glad....we continued to date and I considered us to be "boyfriend/girlfriend" and that was all I thought we would be for quite some time (I was married once and had no plans to rush into anything)..my thought was that we were as serious as two people could be given the short amount of time we dated, but I told him that I just wanted to hang out and see what happened.....ALL OF A SUDDEN (or so it seemed to me)....he blows me off.....via dwindling contact that became no contact....(during the dwindling contact I asked him SEVERAL times if he just wanted to break up, each time he said no, that he cared, that he still wanted to hang out, but that he was dealing with some personal issues, which I knew about and that were pretty serious, so I considered this to be a valid reason for him to need space/time....)....I found out via a third party that he was seeing someone much younger....and that he hadn't had the decency to tell me what was really up...TODAY, someone close to him told me that he said that I wanted a serious commitment and that is why he blew me off.....MEN, QUESTION!!! Why work so hard to get a girl to care....act/say things that clearly indicate a desire for a long term relationship...and then freak when the person starts caring....I mean, his assumption that I wanted a serious commitment is the reason he is giving for ending things....and HE WAS THE ONE PURSUING ME AND TALKING THE TALK AND WALKING THE WALK?! Men, please, explain....
rogueless Posted September 12, 2004 Posted September 12, 2004 I'm not a man, but I wanted to give you my thoughts. It was the thrill of the chase. Once he knew he had you, he lost interest. Don't worry about why he did this, he was just a jerk. I went to college and studied psychology for 5 years. You know what I learned? SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST A**HOLES!!! You deserve better. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to you. When people act in an irrational manner, like he did, THERE ARE NO RATIONAL ANSWERS to their actions. I am not yelling at you, I just want you to think about what I placed emphasis on...good luck
Scott S Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 OK, I am a man, so... With some, it's not the having, it's the getting. With others, it's immaturity & irresponsibility. Incidentally, men don't have the market cornered on this. In my travels, I have met numerous women who are every bit as commitment-phobic as any man. They've been hurt, heartbroken, crushed, devastated, & everything else, & now paint the entire gender with a very wide brush. People think they want something. Once actually "achieved," the allure is diminished, or it's not what was expected. Unfortunately, people's feeling get hurt in these particular cases. I must say that what your estranged did to you was pretty mean, but try not to color the entire gender by 1 experience, no matter how bad it is. Most of us are decent people, wanting a fulfilling love relationship. Let go, learn from it, & move on. Take care. Good luck to you.
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