No contact letter, GIGS, longest post ever and wtf [update]

[reality_check]

So she's for sure still hanging with this guy a lot. But nothing official at least not on any social media. No pics or anything just slowly adding the same friends and stuff. So I unno what to do meet her or not. HELP GUYS! Don't leave me hanging.

[reality_check]

Hey thanks for the post. She may not have GIGS. I may have jumped to the conclusion out of panic. It's not as if she just randomly left and I didn't see it coming for like 6 months. I made a **** ton of mistakes and she really stuck it out with me through some **** for a long time. She seems really sincere to. It seems like she genuinely wants me in her life. I just don't know how to make that more. I think ignoring her will have the opposite effect in this situation. I kind of just need to kno if I should play it cool, or let her know exactly how I feel. I'm sure if she tells me she's with this dude officially tho I will wish her luck and be on my way.

[reality_check]

How is it being her gay best friend is she wants to catch up after three months not seeing her after she reached out to me. Shes still single and I've spoken to her 4 times in 3 months... I haven't said one needy thing to her since feb 13th. And I was always the dominant one in the relationship anyway to dominate in fact is y im in this situation. Shes been honest with me 99.9 percent of the time. Now if I was attempting to be her friend and listen to her problems blah blah and act like im cool with being her friend while shes ****ing this guy then yeah what ur saying would make sense. How the fu-ck am I suppose to get back with her if I wont even meet with her? It's not like I'm sitting here crying I can meet her and be normal I just wasn't sure if I should get to the bottom of stuff or keep it light is all. When I said tell her how i feel I meant about the situation not about her.... AKA Im not trying to be ur friend if ur ****ing this dude. Anyway I kno for facts a rebound guy who got dumped asap when his girl met her ex and they reconnected a couple months after their break up. Sooooooo where are you getting this notion that I'm needy?

[CelticGibson]

If she wants you back as a lover, a partner and in a relationship with you, she would TELL you this. Anything else is friendzone crap. If you accept breadcrumbs from her then you lose.

 

Playing it cool, being all relaxed, not showing your emotions, they don't mean anything unless she lets you know there's a chance to get back into what you both had before. She has to want to try again regardless whether she's single or playing the field or whatever. Women will make it obvious if they want you. They will let you know. Everyday chit chat is just that, friendly chit chat and nothing more.

 

What makes me wary is that she IS single and this usually means that she's hitting you up for contact during a dry spell. Once this dry spell ends, you will be out too. Thinks about it.

[reality_check]

That's good advice actually. She's technically single but I kno shes been seeing a specific person. Had I read your post 2 days ago I prolly wouldn't have agreed to meet her. But I already did agree so I guess I'll just see what happens. I was looking at it as more of her trying to feel us out and see if she still has feelings for me in person before making her decision to get with this guy or not officially. Is it not possible??? Doesn't this type of second guessing **** happen with rebound relationships all the time? Girl gets back in contact with ex wants to meet, talk, bla blah then bounces on the rebound quick as hell. I could be totally wrong I guess.

[reality_check]

Also when we broke up she said she loves me but love isn't enough. As the relationship ended up being constant fighting so my thought on the whole situation was to show her and myself that we have grown as I've realized my mistakes and shes gained independence and new friends and isn't constantly only thinking about me. That I could just grow the good times if the love was still there.... I don't fuc-king know.........

[reality_check]

u might have a point man. and she said because she wanted to catch up. But in this unique situation we really broke up because she thought I neglected her and she specifically made sure to tell me this guy treats her nice and gives her attention. So all I'm saying really is I don't see how not being different and open with her and the same isn't going to make her say see I knew he wouldn't change. She in fact told her friend when I went NC that it made her realize I wouldnt change. Thats my conflict with the whole NC f her thing.

[reality_check]

I'm also not just disagreeing with just to do it I'm really trying to understand what your saying here. I just don't see how not being friends with her is going to help. I don't have the nice guy situation here. I feel like u have to be friends and rebuild your relationship just shutting the door isn't going to help. If she shut the door on me when I tried to reach out I'd say f her and move on. So I just don't get ur strategy that seems like it would work for a mr. nice guy who smothered her is going to work for me. Do you see what I'm saying?

[CelticGibson]

Not being friends will help your slim chance immensely. If you become friends, she will accept this and no more. Why bother being in a relationship when she will be getting everything she wants from you and giving nothing in return. It's a sweet deal for her, not so much for you. By going No Contact, it puts the ball firmly in her court. If she wants to try again, SHE will let YOU know.

[reality_check]

I see your point. So whats this just bread crumbs? If so now i don't kno how to back out of this.

[reality_check]

So should I be civil with her or what. I feel like I'm blinded and my instincts are betraying me. Anyway should I be civil or just ignore her. She texted asking me about some medical stuff. I told her I'd call her in a lil bit to tell her about it. Then she said she'd call me at a specific time tonight because shes doing school stuff. I unno I just can't trust none of my instincts right now. Just so off with my judgment with her after the BU....

[reality_check]

Today's the day were supposed to meet. Feeling kind of weak. I hear you guys but i need tarra maiden to weigh in on this.

[reality_check]

She just turned 25. I cancelled but retardedly rescheduled for tomorrow. Logically everything your saying makes absolute sense. But overwhelmingly I feel the need to see her and feel her out with my own eyes. The **** is wrong with me I unno. I'm being super friendly for no reason.

[ConfusedT]

HELLO? She is telling you everything NOT TO DO!! Do not meet with her CANCEL and do not reschedule!!!!

 

You are breaking your own heart, you are setting yourself up, you are appearing weak and a woman wants NOTHING to do romantically with a man that is weak, especially after she already broke up with you...

 

You are friendzoned and I wouldn't go that route, unless that is where you are comfortable staying... FOREVER...

 

Leave her alone and CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL...

[reality_check]

Ur right guys I'm being everything I always laughed at. Thanks a lot bros I think I got my head on straight now. I had to hear it from another perspective.

[ConfusedT]

Ur right guys I'm being everything I always laughed at. Thanks a lot bros I think I got my head on straight now. I had to hear it from another perspective.

 

 

It's OK, everyone is weak at some point, BUT you have came so far. And trust me, from a woman's perspective, unless you have done something incredibly messed up (read my story if you need to understand what a true TOXIC relationship is), there is no reason to grovel or be at her feet. We don't like it and more importantly, we don't respect it.

 

At the end of the day, the old rules still apply.

 

women like strong men to support us and men like independent women to support them as well.

 

Good luck, I've been through hell and back and I've made it, so can you!!!

[reality_check]

Hey guys so I didn't see her but I talked to her. Don't kill me I'm normally not this hard headed. I just need to talk through this. So she called me told me she missed me wants to meet blah blah. She broke me down and had me saying I miss her to. Then she randomly drops a bomb on me that shes officially with this guy. So of course she starts talking about us and I tell her how much I love her and why our relationship could work out (I kno classic wrong move but my logic left). so yeah we hung up her asking if I would ever be her friend and I said no. I'm not hurt I just feel stupid. I unno what my next move should be. Not really to get her back but just to save face and not sulk off. I really do want her in my life because I love her but I can't see it going well. Any advice guys, I will really take it this time I got the hope for us out of my system.

[reality_check]

LMAO, the day I woke up and stopped caring is the day she wants to come trying to get back. It's really funny. She waited one day to long for the ship to sail. It's like a script was written how perfect the timing was. On with my life guys. Thread closed.

[ihateher83]

Thanks guys. Decided to grab my nuts and not send the letter. Just going to go ghost and live my life. No need to go through all the back and forth that will result from the letter.

 

i wouldn't send the letter ... i understand why you want too ... but just being out of the picture might be the right idea ...

[ihateher83]

wow .. i was late with my response .... glad to hear your story had a good twist ending ...

hopefully i can build the strength you did