No contact letter, GIGS, longest post ever and wtf [update]

March 28, 2013

Lol after creeping on this forum I finally am posting. My stories kind of long so bear with me Ill break it up into sections. Alright so I was going out with this girl (both 24) for 3.5 years and we broke up about 2 months ago. She broke up with me and gave that line I love you but I'm not in love with you line. Anyway it seemed sincere no more spark in the relationship and no butterflies. She continuously is adamant about friendship in words but not in action. She seems like she's totally over everything already (which I guess is normal for the dumper)

Background:

Alright now to give you background and get into the story. When I met her I had just got out of and was still ****ing my ex who cheated on me (lol I know stupid but was first gf) anyway she was my "gf" on in elementary school and through a bunch of random factors got in touch again on fb a month after I broke up with my ex ex who I was still talking to. Ok so we talk and she starts pursuing me and we go out hit it off and have an amazing 2 months before she goes to college. Now I didn't want to be in a relationship at this point because I wasn't over my ex ex completely and gaf some trust issues. So she gave me an ultimatum either be with her or hit the road so I chose to be with her. Didn't fully commit in the first 3 months of it tho, was still seeing my ex ex and all that. But in 3 months although I was reserved I really started to like her and we were having s blast so I cut my ex ex off. Things continue amazingly for about another year and a half. We did have a crazy time though she was a real hot head at the time and so was I. Didn't really care about anything since the ex ex relationship. So she would go out a lot with her girls and I would visit her in college and we would go out. Always drama filled weekends lol she was super emotional we'd fight argue, fight other people in clubs blah blah wild 21 year old stuff but would always make up right away and laugh about it the next day. She really was attracted to mu I dont give a **** attitude. Sounds crazy but we both had a lot of fun. Anyway fast forward we say the I love you's even though I'm still not 100 percent in and occasionaly talk to my ex ex through email but am 100 percent over her while contact is getting fewer and farther between. Anyway she graduates from college and moves home. Shes slightly stressed looking for a job and living at home with her controlling father. So we continue our crazyness home more clubs more drama but while not fun in the moment always had fun thinking about it the next day. Shes really falling for me hard at this point but I'm reluctant to open up all the way and tell her to which she seemed to be understanding. She said I was so much like her father in a lot of ways minus the controlling. Fast forward a couple months and I'm getting sick of the club scene but we are having a good relationship besides. Anyway her friends love the party stuff and were still acting like we were in college. I let her know I was getting sick of the clubs but she still was sucked in by her friends and guilted into going. So this goes on another month and also caused friction between me and two of her best friends. Alright so **** hits the fan one night drama ensues on a mega scale almost get into a fist fight but am able to control myself while she looses control she is a different person in clubs when she overly drinks to the point of being gone. Anyway it all ends bad her friend talks her into breaking up with me and I'm ok with it because I'm over the situation. She comes to my house early morning hysterical crying and saying how sorry she is she wasn't her self blah blah I was reluctant made her promise to relax and get rid of her so called friend as she didn't have her best interest at heart. Ok so I take her back and she does calm down less clubs less drinking and things came to a head with her best friend and she realized this girl didn't have her best interests and drops her. Ok so now she has a job were doing well still occasional y argue but like I said shes a hot head. Her friends think I'm boring at this point because I'm totally over the party scene. She still likes to go out and get crazy tho but a lot less. Relationship is good none the less was going through stuff and she always had my back in everything. Ok a lil more drama in the clubs and I just refuse to go anymore to which her friends are telling her I'm so boring especially her one gay friend. Alright so she goes out less and less and we spend almost everyday together were really close now. So now fast forward 2 more years to now. In between that time I loose my job have serious financial problems and problems at home with the family to which its very uncomfortable at my house where were spending most of our time.shes moved in for a couple of months because of a fight with her dad blah blah but moves back because its super cramped in my house. We start to argue a lot but its more good times then bad. We dont really go out anymore because I'm broke and shes helping me out. So we spend most of our time at home and with a mutual friend. begin to open up more and she keeps giving me a lot of love. A year into this still no job more arguments about how I dont love her/ not affectionate and now I'm texting girls because I'm bored stressed and an idiot with no intention to see any of these girls mostly internet randoms. So she finds out breaks up with me I cry tell her I'm sorry because I really am and promise not to ever do that again. Which I never do. I'm growing deeper and deeper in love and becoming less and less me and more needy/affectionate. Anyway we both really love eachother but between financial problems home problems her problems to which she admitted she was insecure and a lot of stress we fight a lot over stupid little things. Then we both make an effort to stop fighting to which we do end up fighting less but everything is now mundane and routine. Fast forward six months still love eachother but I still haven't found steady work and were in a rut of our own situations but still enjoy each others company and love and are having a lot more fun since we started hanging out with a mutual girl friend that has both our tastes and were going out more everything seems better between us. This is where things start going down hill.I go on a trip to Israel to which I have very limited contact. She starts to go crazy missing me and there are a bunch of hot girls on the trip who all really like me and some how she senses it. I turn them down constantly but pics are posted of us having fun and I didn't do anything wrong. But now shes freaking out big time and thinks I'm cheating on her which I'm not. Got close to two girls especially but kept it friends. Anyway one girl was a solider and got called away during a short conflict to which no one heard from her. I finally hear from her via fb message and was really relieved she was a live and sent her a reply that said I missed her I'm glad your ok. To which my gf broke into my fb and saw this and breaks up with me. I explain the situation to her but were still broken up. Get back see her fight get mad get texts from one of the girls I met on the trip that she wants a booty call feel like doing it. Have no place to so I email a friend ask to use his house and talk about how much I like this girl out of anger. Decide not to do it. Try to make up with her she finally sees the light and were hanging out like normal until I come home and shes looking through my emails and reads the booty call one. I explain I was mad we were broken up hours of crying later we reconcile. We both agree to be more calm and loving. I become way more loving and she becomes way more calm. Fast forward couple months more and **** is calm but routine and I'm comfortable. The month before the break up she gets into a huge abusive fight with her dad moves out and stays with me for a day. This is right before new years. I was caring for her but I started a dumb argument and she left broke up for like a day but calmed down and we were back. But it wasn't the same. Fast forward a month.

BREAK UP:

Btw all her friends have become single and are going crazy this month. We have a small disagreement nothing serious and she goes I can't take this anymore calmly lets break up. I'm like if thats what you want to do because I'm sick of her doing these fake break ups to which she at one point said was to get my attention. Anyway shes serious so I change my tune we talk about it and try to calm down. Next day shes serious I'm pleading not to. She changes her fb status but doesn't make it public only I can see her status. I go into panic tell her to get her stuff she comes over crying I'm crying trying to guilt her, beg all of it in my panic looking pathetic. She takes her stuff. We still talk tho. We still have sex and shes emotional about me crying i love you etc. A week passes and she says lets try being friends and date like we use to. I'm like no but I see I have no choice. So we do actually have more fun then we had in like a year. Ok so we make plans to go out again but she goes to a party the night before and blows me off the next day. I'm still in bf mode so I interrogate her and act all needy. To which she calmly says I dont have to tell you your not my bf although she does tell me and was honest about what she was doing. And says we prolly shouldn't be hanging out so much anyway. Emails of love yous and explanations back and forth. We have a really emotional convo to where she bursts out i love you but im not in love with you anymore crying.Ok week passes we still talk on the phone and I come up with an excuse as to why I have to sleep over and its the night before Valentine's day. Get there its a lil awkward at first but she makes us Valentine's dinner and I try to play off like its ok and I agree with her decision. Have amazing sex. I suggest we be friends with benefits she says shes not ready for that but I can't be mad when she has sex with someone else. Ok I go to kiss her goodbye and she turns her head and I kiss her anyway on the lips. I start to read the forums I'm going through depression and denial pretty bad. I decide to go LC to which my ex starts to text me one word answers and such very uninterested. Shes now partying heavily like every day and reconnecting with her friends that she stopped hanging out with including that one friend I mentioned. Ok so I decide to post what I'm doing on fb. Like working out hanging with friends etc etc to which she liked everything. Now I go nc and she starts to text me a lot and I respond to them but dont initiate. She now calls me every 2 days and I keep it brief. Now the texts are actual conversations and it seems like shes opening back up. Ok so I get the courage to ask her to coffee in a email I hadn't seen her in a while. She agrees happily and seems thrilled she even sets a date. Day comes she blows me off with a bs excuse. She suggests the next day I say sure. Day comes she blows me off again with an obvious lie. So I go ok you know if you dont want to go we dont have to. She texts me shes sorry she really does want to go and it was an obvious lie. But shes hung over and its cold she just wants to go home. But she promises she really wants to see me. I go no its ok dont worry about it. She gets offended and says she does want to see me please see her. I say I dont like how you lied you could just be real. She suggests we meet up the next day I say I'm busy all week but she can work it out with me when she knows when shes free. Ok hours pass and I get her response text to I dont like that she lied text late. It says I lie to you because I'm close. Im like wtf I played it cool for a while now but I go off on text and she replies I'm sensitive. 2 days pass nc then I get a text at 7 am with a pic of a phone bill. I text her back if you want to keep it business email me. She calls instantly pissed saying how could I say that to her blah blah I should know she loves me and all that. I need something back from her so I meet up with her the next day for 5 mins to get it. First time id seen her in 2 and a half weeks and it was kind of cold super friendly but not a hint of anything more. I leave 5 mins later she posts on fb she feels like Jekyll and hyde two minds about everything. And a song quote that says nobody cries over love that isnt good for you. Ok I go lc again shes texting a lot convos are getting better and better. This goes on for 2 weeks the last week she calls and we have normal convo to which I say anything else you got to tell me. And she goes are you accusing me of something I'm like no. Some how we get to a place where she tells me shes dating and spending time with one guy a lot and hes really nice to her. I stupidly ask if they had sex and she goes yeah almost in a laughter its just sex. I'm like wtffff but I stay calm. It didn't seem like she liked me being calm. . She asked what about me in the heat of the moment I stupidly lied and said I had sex with a girl. In reality I had been talking to a girl but turned sex from her down. Anyway she plays this guessing game of who it was and out of character laughing the whole time. She then said she felt guilty. Fast forward a lil in the convo and She says we should get lunch as its about to be her bday and i should go to the club with her but that guy might be there. I'm like w.e you want but had no intention of going. She was adamant about getting lunch anway an hour passed the longest we been on the phone in a long time. Ok 7days pass until now and I dont hear from her. The longest we haven't talked. Its her bday so I text her happy bday. She responds "thx I guess..." I ask her something about her bday and she responds 2 hours later. I respond and I hear nothing back from her its been a day and I'm back at square one. Some of my girl friends think she lied about this guy to see what I was doing. Ok so ive been crushed this whole time and am thinking I should stop contact now. But I want a chance at reconciliation and or a future friendship. Should I send this letter? I love this girl with all my heart.

Hey,

Before I start I hate having to write you emails. I wish we could just talk about stuff but this is the easiest way to organize my thoughts.*I'll leave it in your hands to read this or not *but I can't take being fake with you and not saying what I really feel. I know this may seem out of the blue but its not I've thought about this everyday.*This is really hard for me to write because I care deeply about you..I just haven't been able to come to terms with what I need for myself and whats best for you. Also read this knowing I dont have any bad feelings towards you or anything like that it's actually the opposite, I have nothing but love for you. It makes me really happy that your happy but even though i tried to force myself to move on I can't. I still really love you but it's obvious your doing you now. I want you to be happy so Im going to respect your choices. Point being it's best if we just do our own thing and go on separately right now.That's not because i dont want to be in your life or because of a guy,*it's something I've been feeling I have to do to get over you and being friends while watching you get more and more distant is destroying me. I also get that *you need your space to be the new you and I need it to keep moving forward. And lets be real over eachother or not I damn sure dont want to hear about some dude ****ing you and vica versa. And to be as honest as possible in this with you, I haven't ****ed any girls. I haven't been ready. I said I did in the heat of the moment immaturely as a counter to you. When we last talked you said you were feeling guilty and I just can't be a friend on the sidelines right now. So let's save eachother from all that. Lets just leave it at I'll always love you, you'll always love me and go on knowing we were true friends,special to eachother and that we made some amazing memories. Thank you for being my friend, my lover and my family in the time we had together. I wish you luck and happiness in your life. Hopefully one day we can be friends again. But this is the best course right now. *

March 28, 2013

Thanks for reading all that. Yeah after reading and thinking I can see logically what happening. She just wants to be free it seems like, everything was redundant and the constant arguing and drama she was over. Anyway I see that logically but emotionally I feel like she may still harbor resentment over the text and girl incidents. I also know I could of done way more in the relationship to match her effort and gave her more love. So I still think about getting back with her all the time even if it's unrealistic I even think half of me is hoping the letter will help with that in some way....I also feel like she may have been testing me and I failed even though I didn't in her mind I ****ed some girl meaning I don't care about her validating all the feelings of resentment and lack of love she already had. I decided to tell her the truth I lied about hooking up with that girl because of those fears. And it seems like I may have pushed her over the edge with that lie because it seems like she doesn't care at all now. I unno!

March 28, 2013

So regardless you still think I should take the I lied about hooking up part out? Thanks in advanced.

March 28, 2013

So regardless you still think I should take the I lied about hooking up part out? Thanks in advanced.

I personally think you should taking the hooking up and screwing part out of it. Otherwise you got a great letter. Thank you for this post. I am going through a similar situation where she still wants to talk and be friends with me yet I still have strong feelings for her (she dumped me). I think I'm going to end up having to do what you did and go with the letter or a long text/email. Thanks for this and I wish the best for you.

March 28, 2013

I hear you. The reason it mattered to me is because she has now completely shut down since I said that. Just ignoring me after so much progress and I kno shes the type to take it as I never really loved her. Also one of my girl friends said I should 100 percent let her know if I ever want a chance at getting back with her. Also I'm debating if I should send it now or not. It's her 25th bday today and I don't want to **** it up shes also having a all girls get away to nowhere. And yes its just them lol nowhere I kno because I was suppose to go, no guys and it was to late to add anybody so yeah lets stop that train before it leaves the station. I guess I still have hopes of getting back with her.

March 29, 2013

Thanks guys. Decided to grab my nuts and not send the letter. Just going to go ghost and live my life. No need to go through all the back and forth that will result from the letter.

April 1, 2013

So Update. I haven't sent her a letter but she called a couple times so I decided to pick up. We talked it was actually really nice she really opened up. Anyway about 30 mins in I told her how I been feeling about the situation. She said she hasn't been dealing with it at all or any of her emotions. So I explain to her truthfully how I'm feeling and she seems very understanding and loving. I think it just hit her though as she was crying and saying how much she wanted me in her life and not in a I'm only saying that in a desperate way as it was genuine. But I told her I just need her out of my life right now so I can move on like as if she doesn't exist. And I actually mean it. So her last words were text me whenever you need me I'll leave you alone and I understand crying of course. Anyway the only thing thats bothering me is I'm stuck in a phone bill with her until Dec. She brought it up almost as if that's our last thread of connection. That worries me because I feel like this isn't the end of the situation, that she's still under the impression I'll get over it and will be friends again. That's not the situation, the situation is I'm moving on and leaving her in my memories. So yeah feel like a weights been lifted off of me. Although I'm pretty sure I will be hearing from her I'm standing ****ing firm in my resolve. Anyway I can also tell she really does love me and care about me but shes in full blown GIGS so yeah I lost her to the GIGS infection but it is what it is.

April 8, 2013

So it's been about a week of NC and of course she contacts me using the phone bill to get back in touch. She says she hopes i'm doing well and that the bill is due in a few days, will I be able to pay it? Should I just say I'm good and yes. Or nothing at all? I don't want to be a bitter punk but I also don't wanna fall for bull**** reach outs. Any advice?

April 8, 2013

fix the phone bill somehow...

do you want to deal with this nonsense until December?

April 8, 2013

There is absolutely no reason for you to continue paying the phone bill! Whether or not she has or can afford phone service is no longer your concern. I'd ignore the message.

And if you do decide to reply, I wouldn't respond to the " how are you" .

April 8, 2013

Hey thanks for the advice. I should of been more clear, were on a cell phone plan together. Stuck until the contract runs out.

April 8, 2013

I've always used a no-contract plan so I don't know how the contracts work - is there NO WAY to separate your accounts? If you have to pay it, then I guess keep paying it (which really sucks and I hope you are near the end).

But even if you have to pay it, I don't see a need for you to respond to her email and tell her that.

Really sucks that you are stuck with this bill

April 8, 2013

Yeah I have about a month left. It was a text btw I unno if that makes a difference lol.

April 8, 2013

I'd just pay it without texting her. If she needs to she can check the acct and see if it's been paid.

Thank goodness only one more month.

April 8, 2013

Now she's sending me ? text messages. I guess ill just quickly answer her and say I'm cool. Ill pay it.

May 4, 2013

So I'm back guys.

After LC and NC I just don't know what to do.

Were both 25 and were together 3.5 years. It should be noted that I really neglected this girl, like I had all the control in the relationship and she was crazy about me but I got caught texting other girls a year ago (Nothing more, but over the line hardcore flirting) which she forgave me for but the non trust surfaced when she broke up with me while I was abroad but realized it was a mistake and got back with me after a week for 6 more months until we broke up 3 months ago.

Anyway just all around got comfortable and didn't pay attention to her. I've always been deeply in love with her but I just got way to complacent. I got the whole I'm in love with you but not in love with you. Anyway I want this girl back but she's dating this guy now.

She started seeing this guy like two months ago about a month after we broke up. I spoke to her maybe 2 weeks into them dating and and she told me about him saying he's really nice to her and they've been seeing each other a lot. She told me about him and told me crying she felt guilty for having sex with him.She says she let him know she doesn't want a relationship.

Anyway about 2 weeks later I told her at that point we should take space from each other because I still am not over her and of course she started crying and saying she doesn't want me out of her life we should meet up (she had stood me up 3 times previously when I suggested it and she agreed to meeting a month earlier) I say it's not a good idea and she says she understands.

But of course a week and a half of NC and like clockwork she starts calling me and texting about random **** and she hopes I'm well. I responded to one text but not to the other so then a week goes by and I post on fb I got a new job and low and behold I get a call from her but didn;t pick up.

1.5 secs later I get an angry text saying apparently I can't pick up her phone calls anymore and it's w.e just make sure I pay my part of our shared cell phone bill were stuck on. She starts posting all these angry breakup songs on her fb and saying how shes sad thinking about the past. Then I get a call from our mutual friend saying she's telling her I'm never going to change.

I wait a day but call her back to tell her about the job and said I was busy the day before. She seems super nonchalant about everything asks me about the job blah blah. I say but even if I wasn't busy I told you we need space and she goes I've been giving you space and I didn't know you decided that's what you really want. I say yeah I meant it you might have been over it but it's only been like 2 months for me.

She says she realizes now she was over the relationship when I came back from my month long trip in september. and she goes ok I'll try to be more understanding. Then she goes want to hear something your not going to like. I go no. Then I say w.e just tell me.

She says shes going out and going to do ecstasy (something she wanted to try but I never let her do.) I stupidly ask is that guy going to be there and she said yeah. to which im just quiet so she says she has to go. So 2 weeks go (longest NC ever) by I don't hear from her then 3 days ago I get this cold ass email that just says how much is owed on the phone bill one sentence nothing more.

Then the same day I see her on fb right after she sent the message she posts a meme that says Truth, What happens in the past doesn't matter. But sometimes the past hurts and I rather learn from it then run from it (I kno I shouldn't be looking at her fb/trying to interpret stuff.) Anyway I send her a reply 2 days later saying I don't really check that email address anymore and ok to the bill also I hope everythings good with you.

No reply and I haven't heard from her and shes never not responded to me ever. Anyway today (I kno I need to stop looking at her fb) after posting nothing about this new guy on her fb and hiding him from everyone she posts this picture of two tickets to this event with his name written big as hell on the ticket with a winky face.

I feel like she's drifting away now like I really F*ed getting back with her by trying to do this NC thing which feels unnatural to me. Especially because we basically broke up because I was ignoring her in the first place. I really love this girl with everything I have and always have.

I realize what I did wrong in the relationship and want to be the right guy for her. Should I give her a call in the upcoming week or something? OR is it to far gone to do anything? I kno it might not always be a rebound because technically this girl was my rebound from a 4 year relationship.... I'm going crazy thinking about loosing her. Love to especially hear a female perspective.

Edited May 4, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merged threads.

May 4, 2013

Is there no hope? Someone with experience please respond. I'm at a low low right now. You have no idea how much I love this girl. She's been my family, my best friend and the girl I love. I know my mistakes but I truly loved her and she knows that. Issssssssssss thereeeeeeeeeee nothingggg I can do just sit back and let her love for me die like it is slowly fading out.

May 4, 2013

Is there no hope? Someone with experience please respond. I'm at a low low right now. You have no idea how much I love this girl. She's been my family, my best friend and the girl I love. I know my mistakes but I truly loved her and she knows that. Issssssssssss thereeeeeeeeeee nothingggg I can do just sit back and let her love for me die like it is slowly fading out.

May 4, 2013

This is tough, friend, since you in effect pushed her away. It's good you realize that now but definitely go into NO CONTACT mode. I'm not sure what you should do about FB because that is going to TORTURE you with TMI. But you could let her know you need to remove her as you don't want to see her relationship updates.

I would step back and let her breathe. If you love something...you know the drill.

May 4, 2013

I did step back because I was listening to the whole NC thing but the whole time apparently she wanted me to show her I changed. But yet I pushed her even further away insisting on space. Now I feel like I'm at the tipping point where as she wasn't so into this guy but now she's inclined to just move on since "I'll never change". I just don't get it this dude is the opposite of me. A real dork. She always said I reminded her of her father now she's with the opposite kind of guy wtf is up with that.

May 4, 2013

I guess it's over for me. It seems like she waited these last 2 months to make sure of what she wanted. I can't see her instagram but her friend showed me a pic she just posted of them together. It's the first pic she's posted of them. She also puts all of her instagram photos on fb but didn't put this pic on fb I guess shes trying to spare my feelings or just doesn't want everyone to see. I unno but it feels as if I made every wrong move imaginable trying to follow some guide instead of saying what I really thought. I feel like an idiot and I kno I'll get over this because I have no choice I kno I'm going to always have to live with regret for pushing her away and loosing her.

May 4, 2013

So I told her friend stop giving me information. And she said ok 1 more thing. She deleted the pic of them off instagram 30 mins after she put it up. W.e I can't read into it even though I want to. It could just be an accident or anything. Looking for hope everywhere is my problem.

May 4, 2013

what the hell why did LS link my 2 different threads.

May 5, 2013

"Looking for hope everywhere is my problem."

Your problem is you need to be looking for hope OUTSIDE HER.

I understand your feelings, but if she is with this guy, let her be. Focus on yourself and if you must contact her, be honest but not pleading.

May 13, 2013

Ok so update. I didn't contact her. 3 weeks NC and she contacted me yesterday. Saying how am I. And asking about my new job. Well to make a long story short I'm so use to talking to her that I told her my whole life story lol. I might have to get minor surgery blah blah and doing really good in counseling for anxiety which she didnt know I had. Anyway she says she really would like to meet up this week to catch up if thats ok with me. she still cares about me obvs blah blah. I said sure. But now I unno how to go at this. Should I let her know I'm still in to her. Play it cool. Accept being friends. Ask her questions about what shes doing. I just don't know. And on top of it her and this guy shes "dating/****ing" just added a bunch of mutual friends today. Also I told her I'd hit her up today but didn't and she texted me something random today I responded but didn't get a response back. Note also I kind of neglected her in the relationship so I'm not sure if the whole only contact her when she contacts me thing is going to work for me. Just really confused my instincts is to be dominate and just say what I like but its kind of pushed her away so any advice will help.

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No contact letter, GIGS, longest post ever and wtf [update]

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