purplepanda Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I posted this in the breaks and breaking up forum but only got one response that wasn't really helpful so I thought I'd try it here. So I've been seeing this guy for a couple months. He's 25, I'm 19. I think he's great, he's the sweetest guy I've ever met/dated. He comes to see me (we're 90 miles apart), he's hard-working, we can talk about anything, he cracks me up. I'm comfortable in my own skin with him: I don't feel the need to always wear makeup around him. On Saturday I drove through a sort-of snow storm to see him, and stayed until Tuesday (yesterday). I was kinda sick to begin with then I got worse. He made me soup and tucked me into bed, after watching How I Met Your Mother for like two days straight. I helped him out with groceries and did a lot of laundry that he had laying around. He said thank you about ten times. Well I've really fallen for him and a few weeks ago he told me he's fallen for me (said it first). I have 36 saved texts from him in my phone. Here's a few so you can get a feel for what he's like: "I wish I would have met you sooner. You make me feel like nobody ever has." "I feel butterflies when we're together." "I wanna wake up next to you babe, and kiss you good morning." "When I close my eyes, I can imagine you in my arms." Now I'm crying cause now I'm so confused. He has a 7 month old son from his ex girlfriend-- it was planned btw. She is a very angry and aggressive person, for really no reason at all. I have witnessed her shouting and screaming at him, a lot of it just nonsense. She's my age, and I have never acted like that. She left him to date a guy from where she was working, who is a registered sex offender, and my boyfriend has a problem with that because he doesn't want his son around this guy. I've heard his rant a few times.. "that loser piece of trash sex offender.." A couple weeks ago he told me that he found out his ex girlfriend had a miscarriage: she was trying to get pregnant again, with this other guy. Now, I thought they broke up in November or December.. We got together in February. Well I was wrong. They broke up in January. Last night I said to my boyfriend "You seem kinda bleh lately. I really don't feel like we have much to talk about when we're apart." He said, "Idk babe, I'm just really hoping I didn't rush into things with you so sooner after, well you know. I do love you and all but my mind can't get off what happeened to me in the last 3 months. I can't get over losing my family and that was all I ever wanted and it was taken from me. Idk what's wrong with me." He's said that a few times... "losing my family." I didn't know what to say, I felt like such an outsider. Then I didn't want to think anymore about it because I care about him so much. I said, "I think you need some space to think about what you want and if I'm a part of it." "I do need to think." He also said, "You deserve someone so much better than me. And idk how to explain, I just want to make sure I'm not with you just to be with someone." I asked him if I was his second choice and he said no. Then I said, "Well I love you and I hope you get your heart in the right place." "I hope so too." My friend told me that he got with his current girlfriend last year a month after his ex did something stupid. He said a couple months into it with a new gf, he told her he was having conflicting thoughts. But now it's been over a year for them. I just get so sad when I think about it. It just feels like a breakup to me because my last boyfriend was of seven months, that ended was I was 17. :/ Everything else has just been a clear rejection, not even getting to the "girlfriend/boyfriend" part. I just want some advice here. I'm trying to give him space but not completely go off the radar, you know? I just wish I knew they broke up only a month before we got together... Then I wouldn't have jumped in so quickly. I want to talk to him but Idk what to say.
SensitiveTJ Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 If he says give him space, then give him space. He needs time to consider a great many things, it sounds like. Do not communicate with him at this time. 2
Drseussgrrl Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I posted this in the breaks and breaking up forum but only got one response that wasn't really helpful so I thought I'd try it here. So I've been seeing this guy for a couple months. He's 25, I'm 19. I think he's great, he's the sweetest guy I've ever met/dated. He comes to see me (we're 90 miles apart), he's hard-working, we can talk about anything, he cracks me up. I'm comfortable in my own skin with him: I don't feel the need to always wear makeup around him. On Saturday I drove through a sort-of snow storm to see him, and stayed until Tuesday (yesterday). I was kinda sick to begin with then I got worse. He made me soup and tucked me into bed, after watching How I Met Your Mother for like two days straight. I helped him out with groceries and did a lot of laundry that he had laying around. He said thank you about ten times. Well I've really fallen for him and a few weeks ago he told me he's fallen for me (said it first). I have 36 saved texts from him in my phone. Here's a few so you can get a feel for what he's like: "I wish I would have met you sooner. You make me feel like nobody ever has." "I feel butterflies when we're together." "I wanna wake up next to you babe, and kiss you good morning." "When I close my eyes, I can imagine you in my arms." Now I'm crying cause now I'm so confused. He has a 7 month old son from his ex girlfriend-- it was planned btw. She is a very angry and aggressive person, for really no reason at all. I have witnessed her shouting and screaming at him, a lot of it just nonsense. She's my age, and I have never acted like that. She left him to date a guy from where she was working, who is a registered sex offender, and my boyfriend has a problem with that because he doesn't want his son around this guy. I've heard his rant a few times.. "that loser piece of trash sex offender.." A couple weeks ago he told me that he found out his ex girlfriend had a miscarriage: she was trying to get pregnant again, with this other guy. Now, I thought they broke up in November or December.. We got together in February. Well I was wrong. They broke up in January. Last night I said to my boyfriend "You seem kinda bleh lately. I really don't feel like we have much to talk about when we're apart." He said, "Idk babe, I'm just really hoping I didn't rush into things with you so sooner after, well you know. I do love you and all but my mind can't get off what happeened to me in the last 3 months. I can't get over losing my family and that was all I ever wanted and it was taken from me. Idk what's wrong with me." He's said that a few times... "losing my family." I didn't know what to say, I felt like such an outsider. Then I didn't want to think anymore about it because I care about him so much. I said, "I think you need some space to think about what you want and if I'm a part of it." "I do need to think." He also said, "You deserve someone so much better than me. And idk how to explain, I just want to make sure I'm not with you just to be with someone." I asked him if I was his second choice and he said no. Then I said, "Well I love you and I hope you get your heart in the right place." "I hope so too." My friend told me that he got with his current girlfriend last year a month after his ex did something stupid. He said a couple months into it with a new gf, he told her he was having conflicting thoughts. But now it's been over a year for them. I just get so sad when I think about it. It just feels like a breakup to me because my last boyfriend was of seven months, that ended was I was 17. :/ Everything else has just been a clear rejection, not even getting to the "girlfriend/boyfriend" part. I just want some advice here. I'm trying to give him space but not completely go off the radar, you know? I just wish I knew they broke up only a month before we got together... Then I wouldn't have jumped in so quickly. I want to talk to him but Idk what to say. Honey you're only 19. Why do you want to be involved with a single dad with this amount of drama in his life?! He's clearly not over the sitch and now has a kid to support to boot. You're selling yourself way short here. 3
Treasa Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Honey, give him ALL the space he wants. He hasn't forgotten about you, and there's no need to remind him. Don't contact him at all. Accept this as a breakup, and go about your life and try to move on. Be very, very careful if he comes back. Take things very casual and slow if he begs you for another chance. Most of all, believe someone when they tell you that you deserve better than them. 3
sabre80 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Something does not sound right. You mentioned his ex is dating a registered sex offender. THIS IS THE STUFF that courts are concerned about when assigning custody. I am a single father with full custody. There is no way I would not fight tooth and nail to make sure I had full custody in this case. He needs to prove ex is having his child near a sex offender, then file for custody.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Are you going to college? What are your long term goals in life? I agree with other people you are selling yourself short. There's so much more in life besides being tied down, especially at 19. For one, your boyfriend is 25 and he is already a father. There is no way you can act as a surrogate mother to the child because you haven't mastered being independent. I'm going to assume you still live with your parents. If he wants time to think, give him the space he deserves. However, at the same time, please reevaluate what you want in life. Sometimes the things you are striving to achieve may come in conflict with a relationship with a single father. Or best yet, date someone on par with your age and who's not tied down with a kid.
Treasa Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Or best yet, date someone on par with your age and who's not tied down with a kid. This idea sounds awesome. Also, Drseussgrrl, I see we are sharing the same brain again. Right down to calling the OP "honey." 1
Author purplepanda Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 Honey, give him ALL the space he wants. He hasn't forgotten about you, and there's no need to remind him. Don't contact him at all. Accept this as a breakup, and go about your life and try to move on. Be very, very careful if he comes back. Take things very casual and slow if he begs you for another chance. Most of all, believe someone when they tell you that you deserve better than them. I just wish I knew we got together so soon after their breakup. I don't remember him telling me it was in January, he might have. I just thought it was way before that. I feel stupid. I really felt connected with him.. Thanks for your advice. Something does not sound right. You mentioned his ex is dating a registered sex offender. THIS IS THE STUFF that courts are concerned about when assigning custody. I am a single father with full custody. There is no way I would not fight tooth and nail to make sure I had full custody in this case. He needs to prove ex is having his child near a sex offender, then file for custody. There is no custody arrangement so far because they weren't married and only in the last few months have they lived separately. He's going to try to get full custody. Are you going to college? What are your long term goals in life? I agree with other people you are selling yourself short. There's so much more in life besides being tied down, especially at 19. For one, your boyfriend is 25 and he is already a father. There is no way you can act as a surrogate mother to the child because you haven't mastered being independent. I'm going to assume you still live with your parents. If he wants time to think, give him the space he deserves. However, at the same time, please reevaluate what you want in life. Sometimes the things you are striving to achieve may come in conflict with a relationship with a single father. Or best yet, date someone on par with your age and who's not tied down with a kid. No, I've been living on my own since August, going to school full time. Now I work and go to school full time. In July I'll be moving somewhere else for a different college, etc. I want to go to cosmetology school and stuff. And there just hasn't been anyone my age interesting/interested in me. I didn't realize he was 25 cause he looks my age, but he told me his real age.
veggirl Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 You guys got together in Feb so as far as you knew he'd only been single for a few months--not enough time to get over a serious relationship that resulted in a CHILD. So whether he's been single since Jan or single since December...it's too soon regardless. I think you should forget him, he is basically telling you he is going to break your heart. You are too attached for only knowing him for 2 months. His people-picker sucks as evident by having a planned child with a "crazy ex". He needs to be single, you need to find a guy closer to your age who is living a regular college kid life, not a life of a new dad. Sorry you are hurting, but I think you'll realize that leaving this guy behind is for the best.
Author purplepanda Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 This might be a little late, but I didn't want to post a whole new thread. If no one answers, I guess I will. He broke up with me on April 6. He wouldn't call me or answer my calls; it was all through texting. He told me that he "lost his feelings" for me, that there wasn't a "spark" anymore. He tried to say it was like that for a few weeks, but exactly 3 weeks earlier, he had said 'I love you'. I feel incredibly stupid. I feel used, humiliated. I dealt with too much in such a short time of dating, but I thought he was worth it. I don't know what his intentions in pursuing me were, and that's driving me crazy. I didn't talk to him for two full weeks. Then I heard that he found someone new. I stayed up for four hours, just crying. I had begun to feel okay, and I was going to go get my stuff and bring his that coming weekend. But I had to say something to him. He didn't reply to anything. Except when he asked me what stuff of mine he had.. Well last night I saw a girl had posted something on his wall about something personal that I didn't know about. I texted him about it, cause I was..idk..concerned..curious. Today I find that 12 hours ago she posted again, "Gotta love creeps, huh babe?" I guess he did find someone. Everyone was right. He wasn't right for me, I shouldn't have gone for him. But since he seemed to worship the ground I walked on (on and on about how amazing i am, ALL THE TIME!), I thought he was...safe.
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