tuxedo cat Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 ignoring your texts, calls without explanation. After a few dates maybe but if you're in a relationship with them or have been close friends with them for awhile this is so cowardly and wrong. The disposable way people treat each other these days makes it hard for me to trust anyone. That is all. 2
TigerCub Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Aaaww I hate when people do the ignore thing too. It is cowardly and douchy. But you said that it's happened with friends - are you sure they're ok? I mean if my friend did the ignore thing I would actually assume that something was up. 1
carhill Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 IMO, such realities certainly cause me to value those who not only don't 'disappear', but also contribute in a positive and uplifting way to my life. The rest? They're background. Big world, lots of people. Short life. 2
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I've disappeared from people's lives before, especially recently. It stems from going through a lot of BS in life and then taking an inventory of those I surround myself with. When I look at the nature of these relationships, if I'm the one doing 90% of the work, then I question if its worth the effort. At the end if the day, when I'm going through some big changes in my life (as I'm doing currently) and I start to feel like I'm the little kid tugging on the pant-leg, I just walk away. Noting personal....just have my own sh*t to take care of and dont have the time or desire to nurture borderline relationships. 3
veggirl Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I've never had anyone I've been out with more than a couple times do that and certainly not someone I was in a relationship with! I'd be livid, that is beyond unacceptable.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 People sometimes go different ways and are no longer compatible. I agree that disappearing is lame but in my experience there is generally some indicators prior to separation even if they are not expressed directly. 2
ltjg45 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I probably have done this a few times since I don't socialize with anyone unless there is a benefit of any kind to be gained off of it. If the person feels like I'm annoying him/her or he has no desire to talk to me, I will just silently avoid him/her for good. This is why I got 13 Facebook friends but only 2 I would respond to if they actually want to talk to me. The rest is there just for decoration. I could remove them off of my friends list and it won't make a single bit of difference to me.
Imajerk17 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I'm sorry to hear. This isn't the guy you were dating though is it? Just a couple days ago you were talking about a text conversation with him... 1
Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 How long has it been since you've heard from him? And how many dates? I've experienced the fade away, but never just complete random disappearing. I'm sorry. 1
Treasa Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 At least it's a very clear indication of where you stand with them. I used to hate it and wonder if I had done something wrong, but now I just assume that that person has issues and no manners and I forget about them. 2
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the responses, guys. Sorry to update so late. It's not one but two people (guy I was seeing and an old friend) who are randomly disappearing and ignoring my attempts to contact without explanation at exactly the same time. This has never happened to me. I had recently been very supportive of the friend in a struggle they were going through, so that's especially surprising. I'm not sure if I just have poor taste in people or it's something I'm doing or if a lot of people are just like this. What people don't realize is this hurts more than the actual rejection because you have to go through a period of uncertainty and anxiety. And then even after some time passes part of you may wonder did something happen to them, are they OK? Especially if you've known them for awhile. I kind of want to sleep this off. Don't want to feel the hurt, ready to be over this. Edited March 29, 2013 by tuxedo cat
Kamille Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Yes. It sucks. But I need more details so that I can give adequate advice. When was the last time you heard from the guy you're seeing? When was the last time you heard from your friend?
january2011 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Perhaps "the struggle" overwhelmed your friend and he/she just needed a break from it all and that included a break from you? With regard to the person you were in a relationship with, can you confirm how long you were together and that the last contact ended well?
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Thanks for the responses, guys. Sorry to update so late. It's not one but two people (guy I was seeing and an old friend) who are randomly disappearing and ignoring my attempts to contact without explanation at exactly the same time. This has never happened to me. I had recently been very supportive of the friend in a struggle they were going through, so that's especially surprising. I'm not sure if I just have poor taste in people or it's something I'm doing or if a lot of people are just like this. What people don't realize is this hurts more than the actual rejection because you have to go through a period of uncertainty and anxiety. And then even after some time passes part of you may wonder did something happen to them, are they OK? Especially if you've known them for awhile. I kind of want to sleep this off. Don't want to feel the hurt, ready to be over this. Yeah, I hear ya. I've had friends do this to me too....but it was never as drastic as your situation (usually either we drifted apart....or we moved away from each other and they apparently just viewed our friendship as a convenience). OTOH, maybe you're just mis-interpreting things?
MrCastle Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I've disappeared from people's lives before, especially recently. It stems from going through a lot of BS in life and then taking an inventory of those I surround myself with. When I look at the nature of these relationships, if I'm the one doing 90% of the work, then I question if its worth the effort. At the end if the day, when I'm going through some big changes in my life (as I'm doing currently) and I start to feel like I'm the little kid tugging on the pant-leg, I just walk away. Noting personal....just have my own sh*t to take care of and dont have the time or desire to nurture borderline relationships. Agreed. I have definitely dipped on people, as in, one moment we're talking on an almost daily basis, and then out of nowhere, stopped talking them altogether. Those people deserved it and more than likely knew they deserved it. I would never do something that cold to someone unless they earned it, and yes, some people deserve that kind of treatment.
Archgirl Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I do this. I have a line that I won't let people cross. And if they do I simply withdraw the priveledge that is access to me and my emotional energy. I think having boundaries is essential. 3
Archgirl Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Thanks for the responses, guys. Sorry to update so late. It's not one but two people (guy I was seeing and an old friend) who are randomly disappearing and ignoring my attempts to contact without explanation at exactly the same time. This has never happened to me. I had recently been very supportive of the friend in a struggle they were going through, so that's especially surprising. I'm not sure if I just have poor taste in people or it's something I'm doing or if a lot of people are just like this. What people don't realize is this hurts more than the actual rejection because you have to go through a period of uncertainty and anxiety. And then even after some time passes part of you may wonder did something happen to them, are they OK? Especially if you've known them for awhile. I kind of want to sleep this off. Don't want to feel the hurt, ready to be over this. Sorry babe just saw this. The friend in trouble may have just shut down into survival mode an will get back in contact when they feel stronger. As to the guy. He's obviously a moron and his bloody loss. I wouldn't take it personally/let it affect you so much. Xox 2
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 (edited) Perhaps "the struggle" overwhelmed your friend and he/she just needed a break from it all and that included a break from you? I'm actually getting worried about him because it's not like him to just go radio silent. I know as a teenager he once attempted suicide. I have no other way of reaching him. He also just moved and I don't know his new address, nor do I know any of his other friends or relatives. Edited March 29, 2013 by tuxedo cat
Imajerk17 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Im sorry to hear especially about your old friend. RE the guy you're seeing, I am confused though. You posted only 2 days ago of a text conversation between the two of you. I don't think I'd call not being in contact for 2 days "disappearing". Am I missing something? 2
january2011 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I'm actually getting worried about him because it's not like him to just go radio silent. I know as a teenager he once attempted suicide. I have no other way of reaching him. He also just moved and I don't know his new address, nor do I know any of his other friends or relatives. Well, it seems that there's not a lot you can do.
phineas Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 (edited) ignoring your texts, calls without explanation. After a few dates maybe but if you're in a relationship with them or have been close friends with them for awhile this is so cowardly and wrong. The disposable way people treat each other these days makes it hard for me to trust anyone. That is all. That is annoying, but not nearly as annoying when the text you out of the blue like 6 months to a yr later because the person they blew you off for just blew them off. No thanks jeff. It has happened with "friends" who really were just friends of convenience. But I have close friends who I won't talk to for months because we are all busy with our families but when we do get together it's like we just saw each other last week & we never ignore each other either though. Edited March 29, 2013 by phineas
Star Gazer Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Im sorry to hear especially about your old friend. RE the guy you're seeing, I am confused though. You posted only 2 days ago of a text conversation between the two of you. I don't think I'd call not being in contact for 2 days "disappearing". Am I missing something? When she posted about that text conversation, she said it had already been several days since she'd last heard from him. She posted about that convo because she was concerned it had scared him off, because she hasn't heard from him since.
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 Well, that friend and I had plans for today. I had set aside my afternoon and evening to be with him. He blew me off without a word. I know it shouldn't hurt since he's obviously shown his true colors and it probably has nothing to do with me. In fact I have no idea what I'm hurt about because it doesn't make me feel bad about myself, and this shows me, barring some extreme circumstance, that he's not a great person, nor somebody I want anymore as a friend. But for all that it still does.
soccerrprp Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Well, that friend and I had plans for today. I had set aside my afternoon and evening to be with him. He blew me off without a word. I know it shouldn't hurt since he's obviously shown his true colors and it probably has nothing to do with me. In fact I have no idea what I'm hurt about because it doesn't make me feel bad about myself, and this shows me, barring some extreme circumstance, that he's not a great person, nor somebody I want anymore as a friend. But for all that it still does. Sorry. That just sucks! This post reminds me again of my obligations to someone very special to me- complicated, long story.
chelsea2011 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Well, that friend and I had plans for today. I had set aside my afternoon and evening to be with him. He blew me off without a word. I know it shouldn't hurt since he's obviously shown his true colors and it probably has nothing to do with me. In fact I have no idea what I'm hurt about because it doesn't make me feel bad about myself, and this shows me, barring some extreme circumstance, that he's not a great person, nor somebody I want anymore as a friend. But for all that it still does. Wow, sorry to hear that happened to you. It speaks to his character more than anything else.
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