waterwoman Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Having read many stories on here and elsewhere about infidelity (mostly male i must admit) there seems to be a common element - the betrayed spouses were ill. I suffer from depression - have for years and I know it makes me hard to live with at times (although I do all I can to keep it under control). I don't want to repeat other examples I've read about as they aren't my stories to share. Is it about unavailablity? Does illness make the betrayed spouse less available and supportive. Do men feel inadequate to fix the situation? I've just finished a book called' How to improve your marriage without talking about it' which suggests that men by and large are more motivated by shame and women by fear (putting it oversimply). I just wonder if perhaps when women are sick or struggling and their partners realise they can't 'make it alright' they feel helpless and generally useless (and angry about that) I know there is no excuse. I'm not offering an excuse. I'm just pondering the motivation that makes previously loyal and reliable partners to do the unthinkable.
SmokeRat Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 My wife is the one that is seriously ill, due to never taking care of her diabetes, and I was the one who waited on as if I worshipped the ground she walked on. I've always been healthy, hospitalized once but that was for a tumour removal at the back of my throat. Yet, as sick as she was, she was the one having the affairs. Which confused me (and still does) to no end. But she probably felt sorry for herself, like she has for well over a decade because of her diabetes. And the affair was an escape from her disease, even though she had a loving, caring man back at home waiting for her every night. Oddly enough, she is still very sick, the OM isn't taking care of her because his wife is on him like white on rice, and we're divorcing so she will not have that level of support from me anymore.
nofool4u Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I'm sorry. Men need to suck it up. There was a pretty long stint where my x-wife was ill. Never once did it occur to me to cheat. Not getting sex because a spouse is ill? Well boo f'in hoo. Masturbate. Best sex you'll ever have. 2
Act Two Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 My husband, the BS was (and is) very healthy, whereas I have struggled with on and off flare ups resulting from a back injury that can be very debilitating. I am much better now but I began cheating after this began. I definitely think it was part of an escape for me.
eleanorrigby Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I was not ill, but at the time, 9/11 happened, my dad who had diabetes and a head injury (and had been living with us) died, I started a new job and he started an affair. All these things happened within a 2 or 3 week period.
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