Tk123 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Hey there! I made a post yesterday about my recent LDR break-up and I was so thankful for the responses I received. I just came off of a Long Distance Relationship, we just broke up two days ago. Despite our recent break-up, she still texts me and tries to talk to me. I feel bad for her as she broke up due to depression and was wondering what do I do in this situation? I truly had strong feelings for this girl and I want to respond to her text SO BAD but from reading multiple threads, people make it sound like No Contact for awhile is the best. Our break-up wasn't a gruesome one or a terrible one and I just feel bad ignoring her texts just cause we're not "together". My question to you all is what do I do? Do I respond to her texts and remain friendly with her because of her depression or do I ignore her? Like I said I used to and still do have strong feelings for this girl and it seems only right to text her back, however some may say otherwise. Your help is greatly appreciated!
Author Tk123 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 I just got another text from her this morning and I responded... It hasn't even been a few days of our breakup and it seems like she still wants me around even though she's the one that broke up with me. What do I do in this situation?! It's driving me crazy!
cavalier99 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 (edited) Complete and total NC. NEVER RESPOND AGAIN. She wanted out give her what she wants. If your not her boyfriend they dont becom her friend ever. She is history. Cav Edited March 28, 2013 by cavalier99
Author Tk123 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 (edited) Complete and total NC. NEVER RESPOND AGAIN. She wanted out give her what she wants. If your not her boyfriend they dont becom her friend ever. She is history. Cav Thanks for the response. It just feels like it's so unlike me to do something like that. Is it bad if I talk to her and just keep it at a friendly level? This was a long distance relationship and although we never got to meet, in the back of my head I have a feeling if I remain friendly with her we still can have intentions to meet in person one day. Like I said the breakup wasnt a gruesome one and she asked me to keep talking to her. She just lost her close relative and she's been depressed. I think she has enough suffering on her plate at the moment and it kills me to ignore her like this. Edited March 28, 2013 by Tk123
Chi townD Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 (edited) So sounds like you don't want to come across as a dirtbag. Okay, I get it. Then, stay NC for now. If you get another text from her, then you need to lay it out to her. "Look, I know that you probably want us to remain friends. I get that. But, you made a choice to end our relationship. Even though it hurts, I'll respect your wishes. I'm not the kind of guy that will over stay his welcome. But, I can't be friends with you right now while I still have romantic feelings for you. That's not being fair to you or myself. So, I have to cut contact with you until I'm able to heal and move on from this. I'm not going to be somewhere that I'm not wanted, I'll respect that you're looking for something different and I'm sorry that I wasn't it. But, I need to you respect the fact that I need to heal from this so I'm able to move on. So, this is that last time you're going to hear from me. Perhaps one day, we'll be able to reconnect and be the friends that you want us to be. But, as of right now, things are a bit too raw. So, I hope you find what you're looking for and I'll always think fondly of the time that we've had together. I wish nothing but the best for you. Goodbye." Then a hard NC. Block her on Facebook and respond to NOTHING! It's time to move on dude. If she texts you again and you don't respond, she'll know exactly why. And she probably will test it to see if you're truely committed to moving on without her. She'll pull on the leash to see if the dog is still there. Edited March 28, 2013 by Chi townD 1
Author Tk123 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 So sounds like you don't want to come across as a dirtbag. Okay, I get it. Then, stay NC for now. If you get another text from her, then you need to lay it out to her. "Look, I know that you probably want us to remain friends. I get that. But, you made a choice to end our relationship. Even though it hurts, I'll respect your wishes. I'm not the kind of guy that will over stay his welcome. But, I can't be friends with you right now while I still have romantic feelings for you. That's not being fair to you or myself. So, I have to cut contact with you until I'm able to heal and move on from this. I'm not going to be somewhere that I'm not wanted, I'll respect that you're looking for something different and I'm sorry that I wasn't it. But, I need to you respect the fact that I need to heal from this so I'm able to move on. So, this is that last time you're going to hear from me. Perhaps one day, we'll be able to reconnect and be the friends that you want us to be. But, as of right now, things are a bit too raw. So, I hope you find what you're looking for and I'll always think fondly of the time that we've had together. I wish nothing but the best for you. Goodbye." Then a hard NC. Block her on Facebook and respond to NOTHING! It's time to move on dude. If she texts you again and you don't respond, she'll know exactly why. And she probably will test it to see if you're truely committed to moving on without her. She'll pull on the leash to see if the dog is still there. Thank you for this. I feel terrible abandoning her like this but I guess it must be done. What would you say in your opinion is a good time to reconnect with her? Is it just a matter of me losing those few strands of "romantic feelings"? She's really a good girl and I know for a fact she broke up with me in the least painful way as possible. Forgiving and forgetting is out of the option? I get it if we can't be partners again for awhile but I'd be happy with even a friendship still over completely ignoring and shutting someone out of my life.
Chi townD Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 One misconception about this forum is that we teach NC. NO CONTACT. But, people get under the impression that we mean FOREVER. And that's just not the case. We go no contact until we have no romantic feelings for our Ex's anymore. If and when you get to a point of when you think of her; all you feel is indifference, then it would be okay to re-establish contact. But, not a minute before. So, I couldn't give you a timeline. Different strokes for different folks in their healing process.
Author Tk123 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 One misconception about this forum is that we teach NC. NO CONTACT. But, people get under the impression that we mean FOREVER. And that's just not the case. We go no contact until we have no romantic feelings for our Ex's anymore. If and when you get to a point of when you think of her; all you feel is indifference, then it would be okay to re-establish contact. But, not a minute before. So, I couldn't give you a timeline. Different strokes for different folks in their healing process. Thank you again. I certainly still wanna be friends with her in the future however I talked to many people today and they are all saying the same thing. My friends think I should stop talking to her and make her miss me. I feel like this is some sort of game where who gets the last word and I hate it. Once again I appreciate the response.
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