all_cats_rgray Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I sit here and I think as everyone should think. I'm a great person. Even with my faults. I LOVED, AND I DIDN'T STOP LOVING. I TRYED They stopped. I don't know what that say's about them. Love is special, and if you have alot of it, dont worry. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I don't think it necessarily says anything bad about them. Take my RS for example: She stopped having the feelings she once had and rather than cheat or continue to be unhappy, she chose to end our RS... I absolutely hate the situation. Hurts like hell, but really can't be mad at her... Someone on here had a great way to look at it. Think it was LivedandLearned. He said: the breakup is the answer to the question 'will we be together forever' = no... I know what you mean though. Still sucks big time!!!
Damsel in Distress Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Mountain Biker, I was preparing to write a similar response. I think it's easy for us dumpees to feel a superior - we were firm in our commitment, steadfast in our love, and did not give up on our relationships. It's easy to see our dumpers as not having the strength, commitment, and maturity to work on a relationship and stay with it through good times and bad, and the dumpers are selfish and cold enough to seriously hurt somebody they have professed to love dearly. I'm in a generous mood tonight, so I'll say that I suspect for many dumpers, they didn't WANT to fall our of love, and weren't happy to realize that a relationship they've invested so much in is not going to work. In this reply I'm trying very hard to be empathetic to the dumper's perspective, because I think it's a helpful exercise, but I am finding it very hard. I do feel emotionally superior to my dumper, and I fault him for how he handled this demise of our relationship. Even if he was a "victim" of his changing feelings about me and the relationship, an emotionally healthy person would have communicated that to me and would have actively worked with me to try to rekindle his feelings and save the relationship. I guess it's easy to criticize, but I suspect it's a very hard position to be in to realize your feelings have changed and to realize you are going to have to hurt somebody you loved very much. And it's getting late and I'm running on and making less and less sense, lol. Good night everybody.
Compromize Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 In my case, it was extenuating circumstances that caused tension and the inevitable BU, not lack of love or passion or any of those things. We were both simply not willing to budge on what we wanted, leading to the end of us. Admittedly, what I wanted was a "normal" relationship progression and she didn't, again due to extenuating circumstances. It leaves me with this (probably false) hope that she will "come to her senses" and want us back. Sigh. I can say bad things about her but the good of her far outweighs the bad, in my love colored eyes. But still doesn't get her back.... Love is special. I have only really had it with this one woman. I don't know how to make it stop but it would be much easier if I did! I am special and full of faults and I deserve to be loved.
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 It's easy to see our dumpers as not having the strength, commitment, and maturity to work on a relationship and stay with it through good times and bad, and the dumpers are selfish and cold enough to seriously hurt somebody they have professed to love dearly. Well, as much as I feel very similar in what you describe here, it just doesn't seem to work this way. Who knows, maybe the dumpers will see this down the road after some lesser RS's. And then again, maybe they won't as they will find exactly what they are looking for and completely be at peace as to why they left us. Too much to think about. My head hurts
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I guess what helps me 'understand' her reasoning is remembering when I was in her shoes and had to do what she did. Just never did that to someone 3 years deep. More like 3 months...
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