russellfitch1980 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I apologize in advance if this is a little long and I hope someone reads it just to know what I'm feeling. I'm really not even sure where to begin...I guess I'm just venting to get some emotions out. I can't really talk to my girlfriend about it because I feel she will get mad or upset again. I'm 22 and she is 20. We started dating in September, and have been dating for a little over 6 months now and things at first were fantastic. We talked everyday through text/email/even skyped or video chatted almost every single night for at least an hour..sometimes up to 2 or 3 on different occasions. We hung out during days/nights about 3 or 4 times a week and had sex on most of those days and nights which was amazing! About 3 months into it, we went on a weekend getaway with each other and had a great time. We started really noticing our feelings for each other that weekend and felt extremely close and comfortable around her. She told me she loved me and I said I loved her back. I truly meant it, and I know she did too. I have had a few different girlfriends in the past years, also some partial hook ups in random situations...we all have haha. These past relationships were anywhere from 2 month relationships, some around 3 and 4 months. I have always switched it up, and have either broken up with these girls or they have broken up with me because of no real connections anymore or just the loss of interest. I got over them about a week or so after each one. No big deal. I never once said I loved any of those girls until I met this one I have been dating the last 6 months. I really do love her, she is the best thing that has happened to me in a long long time, and she really brings out the best in me. When we are together everything is perfect and we have an amazing time together. She tells me all the time how much I mean to her and how much she loves me, and how lucky she is in so many ways because I truly treat her special and give her the time. I listen to her, I buy her gifts and surprise her all the time and she absolutely loves it! I like seeing her reactions and hearing her tell me that she loves me all the time. I tell her all the time how lucky I am and that she means more to me than anything. Like I said, I have never felt this way about anyone and we even referred to each other about 5 months into it as the one. I actually believe it, and she loves knowing that feeling. After she told me that, I felt even stronger and had so many more feelings for her. This last month though has been a real struggle for me. She is taking 6 classes this semester at our college campus (where we met in one of our classes) and another one online at a community college. I understand it's a lot of work and she obviously won't be spending as much time with me as she was before. But she has a certain motive and wants to get done with school and finish up real fast. She told me at the beginning of the semester that we wouldn't be hanging out as much because of her schedule and all of her classes. I agreed and we both designated one night a week to hangout...if there was an open day or night she was free she would let me know and we could hang out another day aside from our designated day. This was going well at the start of the semester around the end of January,and I had no problems with our plans. I was giving her more space, she was doing her work, and when we hung out it was still just as special as it was as the times before. These last few weeks though have been awful for me. We got into a little argument about 3 or 4 weeks ago because I told her lately I have been feeling neglected and how she doesn't seem to have any interest in my as she did before. I have to admit she has a new group of friends at school that she talks to pretty frequently because they are in a lot of her classes, so they study in these rooms together a few times a week. There are about 4 or 5 of them and they do homework together, and review for exams. The argument we got into was because I told her that she hasn't seemed as interested in me or seemed like she was losing interest. She told me straight up that she wasn't and she was under a lot of stress from school and it was hard for her to balance me and school out. She said that she loves me and I mean more to her than anything and she didn't want to lose me at all. So I said well what do you want to do? Am I not giving you enough space for school? She replied back "I think I need space to figure things out and make sure this is what I want in my life...it's just really hard for me" So I got a little frustrated, but didn't really cause a scene and we drove back to her house with about 30 minutes of silence in the car. Also when she is angry or upset, she is the type of person to bottle her feelings inside, which is our only difference because I like to talk things out and solve problems..especially if its with a girlfriend who I 100% love more than anything. When we got back to her house I asked her if she wanted me to leave and she said "No, I'm sorry I don't know what I was talking about I don't want space...I want to make this work between us" So I said awesome and we kissed and made up and said we loved each other. After this argument we had I have really been trying to give her space with her work...the problem for me now is that she doesn't seem to be taking school and work as seriously anymore. When she is with her study friends, they always talk and don't do homework, they dick off and it frustrates me because thats designated time where she is supposed to do homework so we can hang out. When we hang out now..the last 3 weeks she has been very tired, very moody, very distant with me, and seems to be annoyed about something. She still is in the mood for sex when we hang out for our one night a week, and that is still just as great as it was before. Were connected physically and emotionally and the sex will last up to an hour at times. My problem is after this argument we had about her needing space then taking it back shortly after, I feel that she is taking me for granted. She knows that I am giving her time and she doesn't care when I send her texts, tell her I love you, and tell her that I miss her. I used to always send nice texts a few nights a week so she could wake up to them knowing how much I love her and she would always respond back with a long paragraph or two message saying the same thing and how I was the sweetest guy she has ever met. I really love treating her well. It's weird now because when I do this now, she will respond with a little thanks or something really quick and will rarely even respond to what I even said to her. She does still tell me she loves me, but she is more particular about saying it now. I know she still wants to be with me and she loves me because just the other day she sent me a message saying how she was sorry and how she really thinks I'm the one, and how I make her happy, and all that stuff...and how she knows she's been distant lately because she has a lot going on in her life. (School, her parents argue non stop, and her grandfather just died a little over a month ago. She tells me that it's not me at all, that she is feeling sad and somewhat depressed because of her grandfather and the stress from school. This is why I can't say anything to her because I don't want to crush her heart or make her feel mad at me. It's just she doesn't text/call me as much anymore, she is always tired when we hang out, she has been canceling plans with me because she feels she needs to sleep...and I'm feeling extremely neglected. After we kissed and made up after that argument we both agreed to be honest with each other if we ever need space or if one of us is too clingy with each other, and she would make more time with me and balance me and school out with no problems. It sucks, because she says it but I don't see any actions. Just like she tells me she loves me, but doesn't show me in any way how she loves me the last few weeks. She takes forever to respond to me now and like I said when she is with her study group they just mess around. Should I tell her my feelings? Should I tell her that I think she should find a new spot to do her work at while at school so her friends don't get in the way of us? She would get so much more work done...she has a 3 hour break and she chooses it to grab food and relax and hang out with these people when she could be using that time to do homework and stuff. Maybe I'm being selfish...but if she truly loves me and wants to make this work and considers me the one...then why is it such a struggle for her to show me she cares about my feelings and what she is doing is putting a strain on our relationship. I know she should have friends and now its weird because I feel at times she would rather be with them than be with me. Just today out of the blue I asked her what she was doing and she said her and one of her girlfriends (who'm I know..don't think she is cheating or would ever) and she said she was grabbing lunch with her and going shopping and hanging out. She was with her for almost 7 hours...I know she needs alone time and time with friends but seriously...she is basically making me feel neglected, not to mention she said we can't hang out on wednesday's because that is her online class and since she is done after that she would spend the entire day doing homework so we could hang out more! Again words, but no actions. What should I do? How should I approach this? I don't want to break up with her because I really love this girl a lot and I know she still loves me so much. I just feel like she isn't taking the balancing school and me as serious as she was. I'm just scared and I feel alone right now and I know I can't talk to her because the subject was already brought up and she told me she would change her actions. Thanks for reading those of you that did, and sorry for long long post!
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 There really isn't much that you can do. If you love each other, and you trust her, give her space. She's taking a very heavy courseload and she has stress at home with her family. What she needs more than anything under these pressures is support and understanding. I wouldn't make ultimatums about her study group. She needs them to get through her coursework. They also need to bond as a group if they're to work together effectively. She also needs her friends. It can't be all you whenever she's free...or all studying when she isn't with you. Still I understand the stress and anxiety, and how miserable the lack of attention makes you feel. It's hard to give your heart to someone, and then feel as if you're in free fall with no safety net...unsure whether you will make it as a couple. Again, all you can do is go with the flow and hope for the best. Thankfully, this is time-limited. It's for a semester. Focus on planning something after classes and exams are over. Maybe a weekend getaway? That might help to temper your focus on feeling neglected and abandoned. Good luck!
Author russellfitch1980 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 Thanks for the time to read what I am going through, you made some great points and set me in a better line in a way. I know she needs friend time as well as our time thats something I have to work better on and not get frustrated when she does that and chooses not to do work. I have a lot to be thankful for with her, its just maintaining the communication thats a struggle for now or at least the last few weeks. She is coming over here this weekend for the entire day which will be nice, and we are planning a trip to North Carolina in the summer for about 2 weeks. I can't wait for that! Hopefully we make it there so we can relax and enjoy these others company. Maybe I will give it a few more weeks and see if things get better. If not, maybe ill mention something short to her about how she isn't communicating with me as much and it makes me feel worried about us and our future. I guess I have to realize for now that she still is making time for me when she can, and she still says she loves me. I should focus on the times we spend together than the times apart...trying to make it more special and meaningful. It sucks, but I am willing to do this for this girl. She is amazing.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Yes. Given the situation, try to focus on the positives and the end of the semester. Focusing on the what if's will only drive you bonkers and lead you to do things that would be counterproductive. You're in a tough spot right now, but it will come to an end in a relatively short time period.
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