denxnis Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Anyone ever have a positive experience after checking up on their ex via facebook or some other method?
lop98 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 No. Tried it last month and was treated like I was asking someone really famous and busy for an autograph. He really got a kick out of it. Ignored him for weeks, then he was like "why are you ignoring me!?", so I said I hope he's okay. Did I get an answer? of course not. His ego can now relax with a mojito for some more weeks. F** it really. The more days go by, the clearer I see him for the piece of trash that he is. What's really confusing is my rail of thought when I thought he was perfect for me.. talk about valuing myself close to a penny. 1
GB25 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 No. Tried it last month and was treated like I was asking someone really famous and busy for an autograph. He really got a kick out of it. Ignored him for weeks, then he was like "why are you ignoring me!?", so I said I hope he's okay. Did I get an answer? of course not. His ego can now relax with a mojito for some more weeks. F** it really. The more days go by, the clearer I see him for the piece of trash that he is. What's really confusing is my rail of thought when I thought he was perfect for me.. talk about valuing myself close to a penny. I think what op was asking is if there was anything positive ever for snooping on ex's facebook or twitter- not actually making direct contact. To answer- I dont know how there ever could be something positive or any " good experiences" I think what many of us do is get the urge to see if he/she is still single or appears to be single when we confirm that we are relieved only to do the same thing a week later or two weeks later and once again phew they are still single..but every time we check up on them we are subconciously still letting them be the decider of our hapiness which is setting us up to be victimized. The more you keep giving in to the urge the more youre gonna say ok once more then im done and we all know another week rolls by and the urge will be strong again. If you fight that urge and let it pass you are training your brain to STOP for good, bc one of these times you are gonna do youre routine snooping on FB and BAM what youve been dreading is staring at you right in the face. No worth it 1
NewPerspective93 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Nope, it only causes you to go two steps back. Why would you check up on them? To get hope, only to have it deteriorate when finding out this person is dating/doing stuff with someone else, making you feel like sh*t and angry in the process? Why put yourself through that when you can spend your time on YOU and your moving on. Curiosity killed the cat. It also kills your drive to move on. You're doing yourself a disservice by checking on your ex. Unfriend your ex, IF you still have feelings for them. I did this, and it felt GREAT. I say that because I no longer felt the need to check up on her after unfriending her since looking at someone else's profile when you're not friends with them limits you to what you can see. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Cheers. 4
newsbug Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I can't say I've had "good" experiences, but I did have one that was more helpful in a way. Every person is different so this isn't the best idea for everyone, but I was having a horrible down day about two weeks ago and really wanted to hear from him or contact him and I broke down and peeked at his fb page and he had changed his profile picture to a picture of them together, all smiling and junk. It of course kind of kicked me in the gut, but it's also changed the image of him in my mind. Now every time I start remembering the happy thoughts and missing him, the image of him with her pops up and I'm able to tell the memories to eff off a lot easier. I'm definitely not over him or over this horrible break up, but seeing him with her really pushed me into the acceptance stage. A friend of mine had already told me that he had changed his status to "in a relationship" only a week after he dumped me...we were engaged....but I still missed him all the time. I still miss him, but then that image of him with that ugly girl pops up and I remind myself of what a liar and cheat he was. And she knew he was engaged and still pursued a relationship with him, which means she's complete garbage...so they deserve each other. And I deserve someone better than that. 3
RiceaRoni Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Nope. No good experiences. I became confused and it hurt me everytime I checked. I became confused because he'd say stuff that showed he missed me and stuff like "a good woman never comes back" it confused the hell out of me because he broke up with me, and then I would get hurt a lot because I would see all the lovey dovey mushy crap he and his gf would say. It made me angry and I would cry. So I got off of everything and have stayed off since
thefooloftheyear Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Nope. No good experiences. I became confused and it hurt me everytime I checked. I became confused because he'd say stuff that showed he missed me and stuff like "a good woman never comes back" it confused the hell out of me because he broke up with me, and then I would get hurt a lot because I would see all the lovey dovey mushy crap he and his gf would say. It made me angry and I would cry. So I got off of everything and have stayed off since Thats brutal.....This social media is really a killer... Hang in there, kid..And dont go there again!! TFOY
RiceaRoni Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Thats brutal.....This social media is really a killer... Hang in there, kid..And dont go there again!! TFOY Trust me I'm done for a good while. I miss my online social life, believe me; but my healing has become my priority. Plus it just adds some mystery to me 2
melenkurion Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I did it for a few months on and off, and it really, really made things worse each time. I felt much better when I didn't do it.
iKING Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Trust me I'm done for a good while. I miss my online social life, believe me; but my healing has become my priority. Plus it just adds some mystery to me Thought I was the only one! It's great when people ask and you give a vague response, you can just see all the various ideas going through their head as to why. And no, not a single positive experience that I recall. Mostly It's either confusing, heartbreaking, or just awkward. 2
cavalier99 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Dude..are you still thinking about this? wtf. lol dont check her ****!!!!!! Cav
Charlotted29 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I checked on mine last night...I saw a photo of them together that he had put up, they had only been to friggin India together! I brought him a surprise plane ticket once (just to France) and he wouldn't go with me because he was so 'scared' of flying. This girl somehow has him wrapped around his lil finger, and I can only imagine that she is a mothering figure in his life. Sure I tried to make him more determined and ambitious but mostly I was always on his level (being silly) or let him have the upper hand. He needs mothering, but I want a man to look after me. Who knows, mayb he just likes her more! Which ever way you look at it... 1 year on I am still bitter and sad.
Author denxnis Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Dude..are you still thinking about this? wtf. lol dont check her ****!!!!!! Cav I haven't checked up on her in ages man, she texted me and messaged a buddy of mine not long ago which makes me think she is getting lonely/bored. Sometimes I just need some sense talked into me and this is usually the best place for that.
CHERRITREE83 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I have to say, no, It does make things worse especially if they moved on and have their whole life (in pictures) with their significant other posted on FB for the world to see. It hurts, but I knew better than to go look on fb, if you start digging you will likely find things that should of stayed buried, well at least to you. 1
na49 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Hey denxnis, I checked up on my ex just two days ago so let me tell you exactly how I felt. My heart was racing, I was going insane, I had to check. So for starters, if you are obsessing over checking like I was. Just rip the bandage off and check already. I may get buried for that response, but seriously I do feel somewhat better. (and somewhat worse ) If you're just having a phase, it will pass. I think depending on what you see, will impact how you feel. You won't know how you feel until you check. I looked at my ex's facebook/twitter. Sadly, I didn't see the picture of her and another guy making out that I was hoping I would see. It would definitely kill hope. Instead, it seems like the guy she cheated on me with never ended up getting with her. For whatever reason, but they're really good friends now. Great, so he f*cked her, got her to dump me and threw her into his friend zone. I'm not mad about that at all... :mad: I also saw some pictures/tweets that made me think she was dating someone. BUT her profile picture was of just her which made me think she was single. I also saw some tweets that made me think if she was dating someone, she broke up with them. (Now is my chance!) or not... She could just be more private about her relationships than she was when she was with me. Millions of questions with no answers. You'll have millions if you check. Trust me. She does look very happy without me. She's met so many new people since leaving me, it's insane. I thought it would make me want to contact her less, but I'd say my urge is the same. I'm having one of my best days in two weeks, so my urge isn't very strong right now, but it will probably come back. If you're looking for it to help you move on. It won't do that. That's your job. You'll get a little rush, it will feel awesome. You won't want to stop checking. Then two hours later, you'll want to check again. but you'll tell yourself "Wait a second... dammit I'm doing it again!" (just my experience) Two days later, I have had trouble falling asleep these past two nights just because all I think about is what I saw. I try to read into it and figure out if she misses me right now and if I should contact her. I see images of her with the guy she cheated on me with. I hear her telling her friends about how I'm the one keeping her from having fun. So I feel really depressed before I fall asleep. A positive experience? Not really, but nothing that has to do with your ex is a positive experience aside from reconciliation.
McDonald Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Its hard to say what will happen because unless you block him/her eventually you will look no matter what you say believe me. It hurts to see them do things in which you are not apart of anymore... and no matter how many times you look... you will keep having an urge too look. 2
cavalier99 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 The only positive experience i want relating to my ex is to not think of her and never see her again. Hmm maybe have her crawl back so i can reject her. Not reconciliation. lol
targaryen Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Even though two months have passed I check up on her blog every day - I managed to stop for a week but then I started again. Every photo, quote, video she posts I end up trying to interpret as having some significance about me or at the very least I try to see what she's doing/going through. Unfortunately 4 days ago there was a post that used the tag 'single' and I've ended up obsessing whether it means she's slept with someone else. Definitely not a good idea to keep checking up on your ex but i can't seep to stop ... no matter how many site blocker browsers extensions I install 1
Derpderpleton Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 To say that you check up on them only because 'you can't help it' is sort of a cop out, imo. Trust me, I know the urges can seem like they're impossible to overcome at times, but everyone has it within themselves to stop. It just takes a great deal of self-discipline, just like with anything else in life. As for me..I occasionally check up on her, but I've slowly been getting better about not doing it. Nothing positive has come from me checking up on her. Just the realization that she's become a completely different person than she was when she was with me..which sucks. We also have to work together, and she'll sometimes initiate conversation with me, which makes getting over this even more difficult.
Author denxnis Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 I see a lot of people saying the same thing, "the person you fell in love with is not the same person now". So true. 1
cavalier99 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 (edited) I see a lot of people saying the same thing, "the person you fell in love with is not the same person now". So true. I wouldnt even know anymore. By product of pure NC. I sometimes wonder if she might be dead and i wouldnt even know it and my life just continues on. Is that f*cked up or what? what did she text you about? Edited March 29, 2013 by cavalier99 1
fucpcg Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Yes. I'm 42 and my ex is 41, and it's been exactly two years since she dumped me. I got a lot of things wrong with her just before she did, and can say I honestly wasn't being a good boyfriend at the time she dumped me. However, I certainly wasn't any worse to her than she had been to me at times in our relationship. When I was dealing with her at her worse, I was always trying to be nice and work things out. When she chose to dump me, she did it by email, told me she'd never speak to me again because of how horrible a person I was, then went around telling all hers and my friends that I was a crazy, psycho, abusive boyfriend for months. Everytime I would bump into her out, which isn't often but over the years happened a few times, she would just be nasty to me. I had a lot of guilt over what happened, how I acted in toward the end of the relationship that she played on masterfully, and wrote her a few very deep apologies that all went ignored. Finally after about 1.5 years I gave up and dropped any effort to make peace with her, and avoiding hearing any information on her that was always floating around among friends. Giving up was a combination of just finally getting tired of trying soo hard for so long, and hearing that she was talking about "settling down" with someone, so I washed my hands of it. A few months after giving up on her, I saw her in passing at a restaurant. My ex who is quite the gorgeous woman, was with a pretty unappealing looking guy, which was quite bizarre knowing her. They also seems awkward together, not like this was someone she was settling down with. It didn't make any sense to me at all, so next time I spoke with my friend who knew her circles, I told her what I saw, and asked if she had any info to share with me. Wow did she, and did I get an ear full of surprise. Apparently my ex was hooking up with some 28 year old who just left his wife. I heard little bits of this before, but this time got the whole story. It appears they were at least talking before she dumped me, and he was still with wife. Shortly after she dumped me, he moved out on wife, and they were literally together screwing the same night he moved out on his wife. People know because they were bragging about it. After they had played around for a while, the guy went back to his wife trying to patch things up, turns out he's in the USA on a Visa and hadn't received Green Card yet, and might not after divorce. So he and my ex played it cool for a while. After about another year, my ex has the guy move in with her, co-signs on a car for him because he's only a bartender with nothing to show for it after leaving wife, and basically supports him starting over. So here comes the good part... The guy gets his divorce from his wife, it's final. My ex was telling people about them settling down and getting married, which might have been shotgun wedding so he could get a Green Card before getting deported. Before any of this happens, he DOES get his Green Card, so no more shotgun wedding needed. Now that he has a new car, saved up some money, has his divorce and Green Card, he now walks out on my ex, telling people that he was sick of her BS and what a train wreck she is. Can anyone say Karma? The guy I saw her with at the restaurant that kick started this whole story, was just a date she was going on after the split from this other kid. After feeling sooo guilty for almost 2 years after the breakup over **** that went down before she dumped me, I had now basically got all the pieces of the puzzle, and figured out her attack on me was merely a smoke screen to why and how she left me. Ultimately I was in part tossed away because my gorgeous ex felt she landed herself a tall, foreign, very attractive from what I'm told, younger kid. I got traded in for a younger model. I had let go of reconciliation prior to this story, but the breakup still did bother me, and crossed my mind quite often. After hearing what I detailed above, I have closed that chapter of my life completely and never look back period. Sometimes it does pay to learn about what happened to your ex after a breakup. 1
singme2sleep Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Trust me I'm done for a good while. I miss my online social life, believe me; but my healing has become my priority. Plus it just adds some mystery to me That's exactly how I look at it. My Facebook's been deactivate since February 13th and I hardly miss it. 1
Author denxnis Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 As long as the time you spend thinking about your ex decreases over time I think you are well on your way to a better life. It does in fact take months to actually measure the progress but it's progress none the less! @Cav It was nothing important, just her trying to pick a fight or start small talk either way idk and idc!
Poptree Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Not a good idea ever. Do you think they are 'checking up on you'? No they're out living their life or whatever. When my ex and I first broke up, I would go on his facebook page and check up on what he was doing. It was horrible because no matter what he posted, it made me feel like crap. After this last break up with him, I haven't been on FB since. I know that I'm not ready to see any of his nonsense. I could block/unfriend him but we do have mutual friends so I feel like something that I wouldn't want to see would pop up. I'm happy with not knowing what he is up to because he also doesn't know what I'm up to. It makes me feel mysterious. haha So my advice is please stay off your ex's page...they suck anyway. 2
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