Mrs.Dee Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 ok .. so I have been a little inspired by this Survey done by one Jan Halper about sucessful men and their lives, and so I am wondering about how many of your MM were men aged 40 +/- with great careers?
SunsetRed Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Great Career. over 40. lol, that's me too! I have a great career and am over 40. 1
Lillyfree Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 mediocre career - well, more 'just a job', late 30s. me - advanced career, late 30s. guess i'm the 'MM' in my situation 1
stevie_23 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 When I got together with my ex-MM, he was 59 (now 61), had a mediocre job (not a career anymore), then had NO job, and now has a fairly good, stable job (but still not a career).
skweezd Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Great career, 49 turned 50 while involved.... And very good looking (bonus)
Summer Breeze Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 At time of A well past 50, good career and several businesses. I was well past 40 then, several businesses. Other than a relatively small age difference we were pretty similar. 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 He had (still has I assume) a good job, college graduate and was early 30s at the time the affair started. Oddly enough I was upper 40's when it started and I am educated with a decent job. 1
cocorico Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I am wondering about how many of your MM were men aged 40 +/- with great careers? I have not considered any kind of R with anyone who did not fit that profile, whether S or M, since my 20s! It's pretty obvious that those will be the most desirable MAPs, because those are the most desirable men, for any kind of R, to most women out of their teens. Few women are prepared to invest - time, effort or body fluids - in losers, after all.
Author Mrs.Dee Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 well from what I have read from parts of that survey the story isn't really all that bright for these men, and they have sacrificed ALOT to get to where they are and many of them are not really happy at all...... And that in turn, might explain why as many of 88% of them have had one or more affairs during their life. While only 3% of them end up marrying the person they are having the affair with.
cocorico Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 well from what I have read from parts of that survey the story isn't really all that bright for these men, and they have sacrificed ALOT to get to where they are and many of them are not really happy at all...... And that in turn, might explain why as many of 88% of them have had one or more affairs during their life. While only 3% of them end up marrying the person they are having the affair with. Yes. It was a study of depression and the other costs of success, IiRC. The issue about As and how many go on to become Ms was entirely secondary. But IIRC her sample was *businessmen*, not men who are successful in their career, whatever that happens to be. I imagine that "success" is defined rather differently for a businessman vs an artist vs an academic vs a surgeon vs a palaeobotanist.
Author Mrs.Dee Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 Yes. It was a study of depression and the other costs of success, IiRC. The issue about As and how many go on to become Ms was entirely secondary. But IIRC her sample was *businessmen*, not men who are successful in their career, whatever that happens to be. I imagine that "success" is defined rather differently for a businessman vs an artist vs an academic vs a surgeon vs a palaeobotanist. Yes it was, it was "high achievers" like executives, entrepeneurs, bosses etc. (It is specified somewhere) Basically people who has spent alot of time pursuing their careers meaning spending alot of time not with their families.
MissBee Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 well from what I have read from parts of that survey the story isn't really all that bright for these men, and they have sacrificed ALOT to get to where they are and many of them are not really happy at all...... And that in turn, might explain why as many of 88% of them have had one or more affairs during their life. While only 3% of them end up marrying the person they are having the affair with. This is a good point and broadens the scope of affairs from simply narrow ideas about love/lust/needs to broader issues that already exist within some folks. I was reading a study on celebrities and how many end up doing drugs and have their life hit rock bottom, or end in death, albeit their success, because a lot of people who do gravitate towards the spotlight often have personality disorders. I think there could be a definite link between those who are success hungry and sacrifice all for career or fame and how that plays into other aspects of their lives and their contentment with self. I think I brought this up in another thread, some of my colleagues who are high achievers but also are chronically unhappy, chronically insecure and chronically dissatisfied, so they put all their energy into winning awards, fellowships etc. They get them and pile up their CVs but their interpersonal lives are a hot mess.
Got it Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 ok .. so I have been a little inspired by this Survey done by one Jan Halper about sucessful men and their lives, and so I am wondering about how many of your MM were men aged 40 +/- with great careers? Good career less than 40. I have the much better career less than 40. I'm the sugar daddy. 1
Got it Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Yes it was, it was "high achievers" like executives, entrepeneurs, bosses etc. (It is specified somewhere) Basically people who has spent alot of time pursuing their careers meaning spending alot of time not with their families. My only slight argument with this is there is an assumption that these people have spent little time with their families but there are people who have become successful in their careers. I know of couple men who would fall into that group but became successful in family businesses and so working with family. And they still cheated. So I don't know if I believe that it is the separation of family from man means more likely to cheat. I think most tend to be Type A, over achievers where it is about whatever means necessary and does take a gambling personality. If you are going to play it safe you are going to be more in Accounting, Legal, etc. and not the CEO or COO. I think these types that are more likely to cheat. But there are many reasons why someone cheats so this only fills this one niche.
Author Mrs.Dee Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 My only slight argument with this is there is an assumption that these people have spent little time with their families but there are people who have become successful in their careers. I know of couple men who would fall into that group but became successful in family businesses and so working with family. And they still cheated. So I don't know if I believe that it is the separation of family from man means more likely to cheat. I think most tend to be Type A, over achievers where it is about whatever means necessary and does take a gambling personality. If you are going to play it safe you are going to be more in Accounting, Legal, etc. and not the CEO or COO. I think these types that are more likely to cheat. But there are many reasons why someone cheats so this only fills this one niche. I think it is the investement they have to do to get as far as they have done, that increase the risk they will become alienated from their spouses, people that experience marital problems have a higher probability of cheating. I mean if you work like 12 hours a day, you will have less time for your family than if you worked like 8 and took the weekends off.
Got it Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I think it is the investement they have to do to get as far as they have done, that increase the risk they will become alienated from their spouses. I mean if you work like 12 hours a day, you will have less time for your family than if you worked like 8 and took the weekends off. I think that is too simple of a correlation. Like what I just stated, these men work with their wives, it didn't stop them from cheating. I just don't think saying, well if the spouse is home all the time, then they are less likely to cheat and vice versa. I think you have to look deeper than that and even then it doesn't mean it will or won't happen. There are many people who work out of the house a great deal, travel for work, etc. who don't cheat. Why? I think you need to look at the difference between those in those types of roles and why some cheat and why some don't to figure out what it may be. There are many SAHM who cheat.
Author Mrs.Dee Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 I think that is too simple of a correlation. Like what I just stated, these men work with their wives, it didn't stop them from cheating. I just don't think saying, well if the spouse is home all the time, then they are less likely to cheat and vice versa. I think you have to look deeper than that and even then it doesn't mean it will or won't happen. There are many people who work out of the house a great deal, travel for work, etc. who don't cheat. Why? I think you need to look at the difference between those in those types of roles and why some cheat and why some don't to figure out what it may be. There are many SAHM who cheat. yes of course there are also alot of other reason for people to cheat but the probability is alot higher in that group than in other groups ( by statistics) , and when you look at alot of the other findings in that study, I actually thinks the time they have to invest, plays a big role in it.
Yellowteacup Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 ok .. so I have been a little inspired by this Survey done by one Jan Halper about sucessful men and their lives, and so I am wondering about how many of your MM were men aged 40 +/- with great careers? My OM is 40 + with a good career.
cocorico Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Yes it was, it was "high achievers" like executives, entrepeneurs, bosses etc. (It is specified somewhere) Basically people who has spent alot of time pursuing their careers meaning spending alot of time not with their families. OK, I've found this: Many women have affairs with men in power. Dr. Jan Halper wrote a book called Quiet Desperation: The Truth about Successful Men.1 She described statistically, in detail, the characteristics of men who have found success in business. After interviewing 4,126 men, she found that 88% of the men who were successful in business also participated in at least one affair over their lifetime. Which does suggest it was specific to the field of business. I'd argue quite strongly that success in business requires a specific, and rather different, skillet to success in some other careers. So I wouldn't extrapolate too far from that and cognate fields, to imply that what holds true for a successful businessman holds true for, say, a successful composer, a successful children's author, a successful horticultural designer or a successful classicist. 1
Got it Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 yes of course there are also alot of other reason for people to cheat but the probability is alot higher in that group than in other groups ( by statistics) , and when you look at alot of the other findings in that study, I actually thinks the time they have to invest, plays a big role in it. I think it is more about what was needed to make them successful. I think also why you see more affairs in certain other industries like police, firefighters, and doctors. It is the specifics on these, the compartmentalizing, the risk taking aspect, and the power that makes them more apt to do so.
Author Mrs.Dee Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 I think it is more about what was needed to make them successful. I think also why you see more affairs in certain other industries like police, firefighters, and doctors. It is the specifics on these, the compartmentalizing, the risk taking aspect, and the power that makes them more apt to do so. Have you any studies which shows the risks of these peoples? or is it more a personal impression?
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