I Don't Know What to Think!

[Je t'aime]

I have a big problem. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half now. There has not been a day that has gone by where I have not laughed at least once and that is all thanks to him. He is so good to me and I couldn't be any happier.

 

However, before I started dating him waaaaay back in September of 2011, I was talking to someone else. This guy was much older than me and the fact that he liked me at all was just unbelievable. Mostly because he was the drum major of my marching band at the time and all the girls liked him. So, I felt pretty darn special.

 

Anyways, we talked for a good month or so but did not date because things were just not working out. I was an up and coming sophomore in high school and he was about two hours away at his college, getting ready for his freshman year. I only got to see him every two weeks or so. And when we talked on the phone, he was ALWAYS talking to somebody in the background as well. A lot of the times, it was to some random girl in his dorm. He'd often leave me hanging while texting too. If I recall correctly, I waited thirty minutes on the phone one time, listening to him talk to people in the background, before I hung up. He messaged me hours later wondering what had happened.

 

This carried on throughout the start of school, where I met my current boyfriend. Unlike the drum major, he was closer to my age(just one grade above me) and treated me like I was the only girl in the world. But for some reason the spark that so strongly burned for the douche-y drum major did not burn as brightly for him. But this was ONLY because the drum major was so much older, all the girls wanted him, and he was a bit of a bad boy. I sound shallow, I know.

 

Anyways, as time wore on, my feelings for the drum major diminished and the feelings for my boyfriend grew. I was getting tired of the drum major's games. So, one day I texted him and told him that things were just not working out because our timing was off, but maaaaaaybe we could try again in the future. He agree that that was for the best, for the time being. And that was it.

 

Just a few weeks later, I started dating my boyfriend. I love him with all of my heart. But the thing is, is I didn't really get closure with the drum major. I was just sooo infatuated with him and I often wonder "What if...?" And I absolutely abhor these thoughts. They make me feel so guilty. I've told my boyfriend about them and he totally understands. But all I want to know is am I awful for having these thoughts about a stupid guy when I already have the best guy I can possibly imagine? And what does it mean for my boyfriend and I? Someone tell me that it is okay to occasionally wonder about past flames.