Minnie Posted September 12, 2004 Posted September 12, 2004 Hi everyone. I could use some clarity. It seems I am a recovering pest and must come to terms with what seems to be an ex from an e/ affair in a reasonable way to move forward. We are both having trouble. Vibes and undercurrent and mutual concern and mutual fear. Right now it feels like a divorce. 18 months of a true dependence that became complicated. Platonic but entangled and mistakes on both sides. When I see him I want to run the other direction.......when he sees me he wants to hide under a cloaking device. Witnessed last week in the hallway. If he could have crawled in the morter he would have. How strange...... What is the dignified way to handle this. How do we get past this mess? I accept my share of the mistakes we made. Moving out of town is not an option though I am thinking about it. How I wish we could be jolly friends and just toss past dependence to the heap of history and growing pains. I miss him. I was more needy. Past tense. He does not miss me. I was a pest and over interfering. Does time fix everything??.......want to know what really happened? It does not matter really. He is my child's teacher and I a parent. I cannot change her vocation and he is still her teacher and will be for the next 4 yrs in academy. Do I just disappear and never go to the school under any circumstances? Or is there a way to laugh about this in a year.?? Do I make myself more visible just to practice proper ettiquete or do I just stay home. I want to be able to enjoy my child's efforts without such distractions and he has work to do and it is not fair that he is distracted either......and why did it happen in the first place. Hx. Maybe time and maybe I should just ignore the vibes and we shall be fine. As it is I resist my overprotective interfering self and just need to back off. Parent issue or self defeating dependence. I do not know which it is. It is my job to be effective parent, decrease the drama and move forward. That will be best.
Merin Posted September 12, 2004 Posted September 12, 2004 Minnie, although I really have no idea at all what you're talking about or what happened........ Well, yeah that about sums it up, I have no idea what you're saying really? You had a thing going with your daughters teacher?
Author Minnie Posted September 12, 2004 Author Posted September 12, 2004 Not very clear...asking for clarity --how silly I am. I have trouble really writing it down. Strange. ...he used me in emotionally dumping, ambition and general dependency for over a year and I let him completely and he let me use him for comfort,distraction and as a sounding board. Inspired each other for a long time until it became suffocating and exhausting on both sides. Ended very sad. He became disattached and I cried for a month. Then we are in the same small town and the same --and I continued to be casually friendly and basicly it seems it is a relationship in reverse. Friends now trying to become strangers. What seemed like a friendship became a dependent struggle of wills. I am older and know better and he is arrogant and ambitious and needed help. I risked my marriage and reputation to defend him with work and in his personal life and never did he apologize for his part in dragging me in. I am angry. But I also loved him. And I have apologized many times for that. He is angry too. I know him too well. So we hurt each other. I think he is trying to make it right by distance and time. I do not know if it is better to be normal and friendly or just be far away. Or maybe it will just fix itself in time.
Merin Posted September 12, 2004 Posted September 12, 2004 Minnie, It isn't uncommon for people who are in a not so good place in life to connect and lean on one another.... and it also isn't uncommon for one or both people to become emotionally dependant on the other for that support and reassurance. The problem starts when there is an ending point to one or both peoples need for emotinal support or an ending point for one or both peoples ability to continue to be an source of emotional comfort. AND eventually there has to be an ending point. I don't know that friends ever become strangers....... even in the worst of events there is always that connection. With that said, it seems that he is now trying to distance himself not because of YOU but because it is what HE needs to do to be okay again and maybe it is also what he feels YOU need to be okay again. I believe that going out of your way to avoid him isn't going to make you feel any better, because then you feel that you've wronged him somehow and feel to embarrased to face him, and you shouldn't. Take this "relationship" for what it was...... two people who needed a friend at a difficult time who advised one another and got through it. I really believe that when people come into your life it is for a reason, and when they go out of your life it for a reason as well. Hold your head up and don't feel ashamed or embarrased that you tried to be a friend to this guy or that you allowed him to carry you at times when you needed it. Go on about life and carry this as a learning experiance in the human spirit. Take Care
Recommended Posts