amythan Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Hi, Now that it is finished i feel sad but relieved. This guy and I have been talking during the last months non stop. We liked each other from the first second and we really had lots of great conversations. Daily during weeks. He made clear he likes me and we went together when he was in town. We kissed and well, it was one of the best dates I had in my life I really liked him and this doesn't happen that often, so maybe this is why i was hopping we could make it. But the situation was extremely complicated. He is younger, he lives in another town, i am a foreigner here, and yep, he has a g/f. I know this is wrong but my question is not about this thing in particular .. Lately everything was weird, he said that we should be friends and i respected it but then he texted me during the night and the cycle started again. I gave it lots of thought and sent him an email saying that we are not friends and given his decision we should stop talking to each other. It was a cool mail, friendly but clear. He replayed saying that i do not know everything going on in his life and this is why sometimes it is not clear what is going on, and he apologized for adding confusion and making me feel bad. That he hopes i remember when he made me smile and that it was not a case of not being interested. Well, for me it IS a case of not being interested. At least not enough. I agree that if he was living here and single we would date for sure but given the circumstances a normal level of interest is not enough. My friends say that i was not being reasonable thinking that someone can be that interested at the beginning but my experiences prove me wrong. I was really interested in him despite the situation and in the past I had relationships which started even in worse conditions. It even annoyed me he said that because for me it is clear that he likes me but not that much ... Thanks for reading ...
todreaminblue Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Hi, Now that it is finished i feel sad but relieved. This guy and I have been talking during the last months non stop. We liked each other from the first second and we really had lots of great conversations. Daily during weeks. He made clear he likes me and we went together when he was in town. We kissed and well, it was one of the best dates I had in my life I really liked him and this doesn't happen that often, so maybe this is why i was hopping we could make it. But the situation was extremely complicated. He is younger, he lives in another town, i am a foreigner here, and yep, he has a g/f. I know this is wrong but my question is not about this thing in particular .. Lately everything was weird, he said that we should be friends and i respected it but then he texted me during the night and the cycle started again. I gave it lots of thought and sent him an email saying that we are not friends and given his decision we should stop talking to each other. It was a cool mail, friendly but clear. He replayed saying that i do not know everything going on in his life and this is why sometimes it is not clear what is going on, and he apologized for adding confusion and making me feel bad. That he hopes i remember when he made me smile and that it was not a case of not being interested. Well, for me it IS a case of not being interested. At least not enough. I agree that if he was living here and single we would date for sure but given the circumstances a normal level of interest is not enough. My friends say that i was not being reasonable thinking that someone can be that interested at the beginning but my experiences prove me wrong. I was really interested in him despite the situation and in the past I had relationships which started even in worse conditions. It even annoyed me he said that because for me it is clear that he likes me but not that much ... Thanks for reading ... He has a gf, how can his interest be high in you when it is split with someone else, wait until he is single and approaches you, talk about what he feels what you feel and what you want to pursue feeling together, if ever...i have a high level of interest rarely but when i do i say so......even though it scares me feeling strongly for someone i always let them know..and i do it in a passive way...which is to say i have feelings fro you more than a friend..luckily it happens rarely.....thats my saving grace...if you truly want to be with someone you let them know.....you take that risk and you jump.that's living life..you take risks for two reasons to live and love not to die and stagnate......if he had high interest he would not be with someone else in my opinion ....let him go till he matures into who he is and knows what he wants and seeks it...............deb
Author amythan Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 Thanks for being understanding ... This is a bit what happened, I got annoyed with this situation and even if I didn't act on it at the beginning the situation became complicated because he was always coming to me. At some point I told him that I really like him but I do not want to compromise and be hurt at the end. And then we parted separate ways. And well, not talking at all is hard but it is getting better and I feel myself again. 2
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 (edited) If he is that interested, then he can break up with his girlfriend and start a relationship with you. Even so, do you really want a relationship with a guy who thinks it's okay to date and kiss other women while he has a girlfriend? Do you really want to wonder if he is out with another woman whenever he's late or vague about what he's been doing? Edited March 28, 2013 by Cutiepie1976 2
Author amythan Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 I explained to him that i respect his decision and given we are not real friends and our interaction was based on the mutual attraction we should stop talking and go separate ways. What would be the point in sticking around someone who rejected me after making me think he was interested?? And even more if he wants to work things out with his gf he should be relieved too ... Wrong. Three days later I got the lame email: i know we do not talk anymore but i wanted to say to enjoy the long long weekend blah blah Why ? Why making this more difficult for both of us ? If he wants to fix his relationship this is not the way to go ! I am doing much better and enjoying my life but it is not fair to do that after i have reiterated my wish of being no contact .. Why does he want ? I cannot see any benefit in he doing this really .. 1
Author amythan Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 I do not really agree with that but it is not even the question ... I am trying to move on but for some reason he is making things difficult and i cannot even understand why given that he made his mind ..
todreaminblue Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I explained to him that i respect his decision and given we are not real friends and our interaction was based on the mutual attraction we should stop talking and go separate ways. What would be the point in sticking around someone who rejected me after making me think he was interested?? And even more if he wants to work things out with his gf he should be relieved too ... Wrong. Three days later I got the lame email: i know we do not talk anymore but i wanted to say to enjoy the long long weekend blah blah Why ? Why making this more difficult for both of us ? If he wants to fix his relationship this is not the way to go ! I am doing much better and enjoying my life but it is not fair to do that after i have reiterated my wish of being no contact .. Why does he want ? I cannot see any benefit in he doing this really .. there is no benefit to you in this.....he wants you on the side, and his idea of fixing his relationship is pretty whacked out.......if this guy did ever leave his gf he would cheat on you if you were in a relationship with him...he doesnt respect his gf or he would have let you go...he isnt respecting you either cut him off quick and clean.......live your life...you deserve better than him.you deserve better, the gf deserves better and only one of you will have that luxury..it will be you for now who gets it because you have knowledge of what he is doing...as soon as a guy says to me he isnt single and its complicated.....its heartache ahead..i know that fact..cut off from him do it for you .....do it because you respect the gf and the fact he has a relationship....do it because you dont need that crap........best wishes hugs.......deb
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 He's keeping you warm on the back burner. Either you will waver and cave -or- you're a ready option when his troubled relationship implodes. It's all upside for him, so he has no intention of respecting the boundaries you established. He's doing what benefits him. You should do the same. Ignore and move on with your life. Why would you sit around in limbo waiting and hoping for a cheater to pick you? It's pointless on every possible level. 1
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