me88 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 "first time posting" well my wife and i have been a couple for 12 years and married for 3. the first 4 years it was all sex and everybody i talked to said that it would all go away. well about 6 years ago the sex slowed down down to a once week type a thing, sexy costumes, and weekly trips to the adult stores with new play things. but after the first day of marriage it has slowed way down. it is now march, the last time we had sex was the middle of november. its not something where if she doesnt put out, im out. i love my wife dearly, and i want to make things better. we have talked about it over and over. nothing changes. romantic showers have turned into just showers. i have even been working out to get in better shape, to get a slimmer look, nothing has worked. maybe she just doesnt like it. maybe i used up all my "sex passes" years ago. i dont know what my next step should be, maybe shes just not attracted to me anymore. i just dont know. driving myself nuts. anybody have any advice???:
Techie Artist Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 You've come to a nice forum of people who generally give sage advice. It sounds like she's losing interest in sex...either because of you or because of a health issue. You need to find out which. It sounds like you two had sustained a pretty healthy and active pattern. How old is she now?
Chris516 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Has she had a physical recently? It is normal for sex drive to ebb and flow naturally but that's a long time, there may be a physical cause for the drop in her sex drive. Or, can you tie it back to a time you were having some issues, maybe work stress, an argument? Perhaps there may be something unresolved you can work on together that might change it. I think one of the biggest reasons women stop wanting to have sex with their partners is resentment and hurt. I have a friend who didn't realize that she was actually really mad at something her husband had done until they traced their sexual decline back to right after a big fight and she realized that he'd said something inadvertently that really hurt her feelings. They talkedit out and they're doing great. Just some stuff to think about. If your sex life was great before, and she was really enthusiastic I hope you get that back. Good luckYou've come to a nice forum of people who generally give sage advice. It sounds like she's losing interest in sex...either because of you or because of a health issue. You need to find out which. It sounds like you two had sustained a pretty healthy and active pattern. How old is she now? I hope it is a result of what was said above. But the other possibility, which I definitely hope is not true is, she is having an affair.
dichotomy Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 (edited) This is something that has been discussed many times here and something I am dealing with it as well. There are many possible reasons, and causes. From medical/health, having kids, an affair, depression, weight gain, age, lack of exercise, she just lost interest, is lazy, or doesn't care. Could be anything. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/376338-does-marriage-ruin-sex You tried the obvious - asking her, talking to her, trying to increase romance, and I assume helping more around house, being kind, etc.. I assume she has also given any number of excuses or reasons? or she does not know why. You need to see a marriage therapist, and see if you can find one who specializes in sex therapy. AASECT :: American Association of Sex Counselors, Educators & Therapists Also you should ask her to go to her doctor and or endocrinologist and have basic blood work done, including hormones. Also perhaps a psychiatrist to test for depression or other mental illness. Edited March 28, 2013 by dichotomy
NervisPervis Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 She doesn't love you any more. That's what I found out. Dial it back. It's a LOT better to go through life not knowing. Let it go.
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