aanderson088 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 My girl friend and I were together off and on for 2 years. We broke up several times due to impulsive decisions and behaviors on my part. I cheated twice, once when we were just dating at the beginning and another I did it while we were officially together. She found out about it in June last year. We got back together and she broke up with me for something small. I had been in counseling for about 7 months and I was going to church regularly. My doctor finally prescribed antidepressants at the end of August and they turned my life around. My ex was seeing someone through that break up so I let her be. She came back in the beginning of September. We got back together and we went to counseling together. I encouraged it and it was really a great thing for us. We were very in love, apart from small setbacks here and there, but it's understandable when the relationship is SO broken. I would tell her that she could look at my phone whenever she wanted to, but she always declined out of fear. I also understood that. When she would eventually look, there was never anything to see. In the beginning of January 2013, I got a text from a girl she perceived as a threat (her name is Erika, nothing physical had happened with her since I was 18 and I'm 24 now. My ex knew that). My ex and I had been having some trouble because she started becoming very suspicious and... demanding (before the text). Her emotions were kind of on the fritz due to some things brought up about her past in counseling. I had told Erika to not contact me because it was detrimental to the relationship I was trying to save. She was dating my roommate and was texting me a lot, asking me why he stopped talking to her, blah, blah, blah. So to try to avoid a conflict with my ex that night (things were really tense already), I told Erika not to text me again and I would respond the next day. I went to bed early and she saw the text. She almost stormed out of the house and I eventually got her to calm down. We went to counseling and discussed it, my counselor understood the innocence because I had been telling her about Erika in my individual counseling. Anyway, even before the text my ex had asking me all the time who was texting me now. I would get work alerts and emails, personal emails and game notifications on my phone. I had deleted my Facebook and Instagram to try and put her at ease way back in August, before we even got back together. I even changed my number in July. So time goes on, and I cannot get her to relax. I know that she had right to be suspicious, so I didn't fight that subject very much. Also, before that text she was getting upset over my time with my regular activities. She would get angry if I had to leave to go print shirts for another small company I work with, or if I had to do chores around the house per the landlord's orders and didn't spend time with her. Basically, it felt like my responsibilities and priorities were being underminded and I was always wrong for one thing or the next. I would tell her that I was busy before she would ask to spend time, and still problems would arise. I tried everything to make her happy the whole time. I would introduce her in front of groups of people at my house as my beautiful and amazing girlfriend (mostly I did it in front of any girls so that they would know immediately that I was taken). I would sing to her outside my window while I smoked my last cigarette at night. Buy her dresses and her drinks, food, gas, etc. I told her she was beautiful ALMOST every day, and on the days I didn't say "beautiful" it was some variation of it. I tried to make a date night at least once every two weeks (bills and things would prohibit it sometimes). I thought she would be happy with all of that, and honestly, I loved doing it. Her smile and laugh light up my world. It's ridiculous. Breakup Day - It's February 28th, I hadn't had my pills in four days, so I was feeling very antisocial and irritable, on top of that, I was selling my vehicle and I was stood up by two prospects that day. She gets a call from a friend and she sounds very excited to participate in whatever activity they were discussing so I mentioned politely that if she can go have fun, that I suggest she does because I was feeling like a **** head. She called me rude, I go out to do laundry and fall down crying. I am out there for about 15 minutes crying and I come back in and apologize to her, she tells me she understands and that she loves me and she didn't mean it. We said "I love you" and she goes. That night, I'm in bed and falling asleep. I texted her to see if she was having fun, she wasn't. She calls me 15 minutes later, now I'm falling asleep, she got called to go to work to drop keys off and that's it. She asked me if I would go with her and I said I didn't really want to, I was in bed and I was falling asleep and I have work in the morning. She gives me an exasperated "Uggggh, okay" and hangs up. I call back in like 10 minutes, very angry and I told her I packed her things and they would be outside waiting for her. She laughed and said "Okay" and hung up again. Now, she's seeing someone else already. It started a week after we broke up. She told me she deserves better and that I never really changed, I'm the only one convinced, etc. I'm heartbroken for dealing with her so rashly and impulsively. I just want to hear some opinions on it. Was I wrong? Could I have done more? I know patience was key, and I wish I hadn't missed my medication because in other similar situations I would get frustrated, but never that angry and we would just talk it out. I do want her back, I know she is capable of such deep love and she is humble and sweet and genuine. Please let me know what you think. Thank you for reading.
Grumpybutfun Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 AAnderson- This is why one never cheats...the aftermath of destroying trust is almost irreparable unless there is something stronger than gf/bf holding it together. You need to let go of all girls until you fix yourself. Going to counseling and taking your medication is a great first step, but theres much more to life planning. You are only 24 so I trust that you will work on yourself to go where you need to be. However, it isn't whether or not you were right or wrong, it is the fact that you have some personal issues from something and you need to figure out what is driving them. I feel your pain, and I am so sorry you lost her, but you aren't healthy enough mentally to really be a good boyfriend. This is why you keep doing things that hurt and upset your gf. When you get better and you figure out what demons drive your behavior and made you cheat on her in the first palce, you will be ready to make yourself into the man you know you want to be. Good luck, Grumps 1
Author aanderson088 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 AAnderson- This is why one never cheats...the aftermath of destroying trust is almost irreparable unless there is something stronger than gf/bf holding it together. You need to let go of all girls until you fix yourself. Going to counseling and taking your medication is a great first step, but theres much more to life planning. You are only 24 so I trust that you will work on yourself to go where you need to be. However, it isn't whether or not you were right or wrong, it is the fact that you have some personal issues from something and you need to figure out what is driving them. I feel your pain, and I am so sorry you lost her, but you aren't healthy enough mentally to really be a good boyfriend. This is why you keep doing things that hurt and upset your gf. When you get better and you figure out what demons drive your behavior and made you cheat on her in the first palce, you will be ready to make yourself into the man you know you want to be. Good luck, Grumps I appreciate your input. I was out drinking with some buddies and got a little aggravated at it, at first but I'm grateful for it now. You are right. I need to continue to work on myself. I have been in counseling a little over a year. Probably about 45 sessions and about 10 with her. When I went to counseling, I was a mess. My parents were separated and I was having a very hard time dealing with it, because I was hearing the words of my ex come from my mom and it hurt to see the effect that my behavior has had on others through my mom's perspective. I have only ever been honest in counseling, otherwise what's the point. I know I used to be a bad person and I have come to terms with it and by facing those mistakes with honest eyes, I was able to make immediate changes by facing the errors head on and making sure that I do not make those mistakes again. It's been a difficult year, and getting her back in my life was an incredible thing. I'm sad to have let it go so easily, but I suppose I do still have lessons to learn, I just wish that this wasn't another one of them. I do not want to sound rude, but I don't think my mental stability isn't part of the problem. I know that needing antidepressants isn't a very good indicator of that, but I have felt an incredible difference in who I am and how I treat people now. Emotionally, I feel fine too and that's probably because of the medication and I don't think that that is an issue, so long as I make sure to remain on top of my prescriptions. I was told to look at it like living with diabetes or some other condition. I take the medication to help me deal with a condition I have, it isn't a cure, but it helps. I can see why I come off as emotionally immature or mentally unstable though. I am not trying to discount anything that you have said. I welcome any and all advice (especially anonymous). I'm going to continue taking things one day at a time and as everyone always says "Time will Tell". I do not feel like this story is over yet. She and I have come back from much worse and when we do, we get stronger and stronger every time. I am still in love with her, but the thoughts are becoming less painful every day and I think that's a good sign. Maybe the timing is bad, or maybe we aren't right for each other. Either way, NC is my best choice and honestly, should be my ONLY choice. Time apart is good eventually, no matter which side it ends up on, reconciliation or healing and moving on entirely. Time will tell. Again, thank you very much for your honesty and for taking the time to respond to my thread. I'll update another time, I'm sure.
Author aanderson088 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 I'm gonna begin working out and getting myself reset... I think I'm upset because I kind of feel like I should be upset. Every time we've been broken up before, it was because of something I did, not this time though. I gave it my all, and of course I wasn't Mr. Perfect ALL the time, I'm human and it's hard to keep giving when it seems like there isn't any response to it. I know the exercise will help a lot, so that's my next addition to my new life. Thanks again.
Author aanderson088 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 The funny thing is: her dad used to be a model, cheated on her mom until her mom decided to move to Mexico. He followed her and they got married and had kids. He eventually was in jail for a couple of years and that also hurt my ex a lot. She didn't have a father to always help her or look after her, and I think that's why she was so demanding of me. I'm not really sure. It's just weird how things can be different that way. In any case, I'm glad to be getting responses. I appreciate all the input. It's a shame no one can say for sure whether or not this will work out. Perhaps I'm just in the habit of getting back with her. I don't know. I'll just wait and see. By "wait" I mean move forward with my life and if fate brings us back together then great. If not, I'll be all right.
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