jaykayelle Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I've been with my partner for a year and a 1/2 (I'm 29, and she's 43). She asked me to marry her October 2012, and I said yes! I immediately texted my friends and told them our good news. I even began looking on the market for a house to buy for us. Fast forward to a couple of weekends ago (March 2013). My partner invited me to a family function of hers. When I arrived, I noticed that she was wearing the engagement ring I gave her, on her right ring finger. I asked her why, and she said, "Because this isn't the function to announce or engagement. My family will see that we're wearing our rings and will question me." I told her that I felt disrespected and hurt. I'd rather her not wear the ring at all, if she feels that she can't wear it on her left finger. Still, she wears it on her right hand when she's around her family. And the day that she proposed to me, she didn't call and tell anyone about it. When me and her are out in the public, she wears it on the left, and checks to make sure that I'm wearing mine. She says she hasn't told her family yet because she is waiting until she can offer me more stability (meaning, her job and financial situation), and so they won't think less of her. I don't understand the logic. How can you ask someone to marry you if you don't feel secure enough? Since this, I feel like some dirty secret. I don't know if its because she may feel ashamed that we're lesbians (by the way, her family is very accepting of our lifestyle), or what. I no longer desire to buy a house for us, or feel an intimate connection with her because I feel like she's just playing a game with me. Any advice?? Am I overreacting?
january2011 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 No, I don't think you are overreacting. It's been five months since the proposal. Is she emotionally and financially independent from her family? Presumably you were wearing your ring on your left ring finger - did no one at the family function notice and ask you about it? I think that you need to have a more indepth talk to her about this. You are already feeling less intimate and that's no surprise - her reticence is making you feel unloved. In time, this will lead to resentment. Her behaviour is hurting both you and the relationship. It seems that her family's opinion of her is more important to her than the opinion of the person she has (secretly) pledged to spend the rest of her life with. Given that they already accept your relationship, that's very very strange logic. You need to get to the bottom of this, otherwise it will continue to have a negative impact on your relationship.
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