The Tallest One Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Hi! Been really struggling last couple days have been really difficult for me! My ocd and anxiety are getting worse too and now while laying in bed ( working night shift this week) I get a text from ex who I haven't heard from in almost six weeks! She just wanted my mailing address to mail me some things I left at her place! She also said she hoped I was good! I said I'll get there which she replied, I know you will! I told her I wanted to say stuff but its hard, she asked what I wanted to say and I said I just meant I missed talking to her! She didn't respond! I know this is a small thing, she isn't trying to reach out to me or anything, but just hearing from her when I've been struggling is really setting me back! I just want so badly to move on and get past this painful period of my life but I'm failing miserably! So low right now!
lop98 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I'm in your exact same situation. I was doing fine, then got a couple of texts, gave in and replied (coldly but still replied) and now I'm waiting for a reply and slowly going back to that place where if I don't get one, I'll want to vanish. It's just so fking ridiculous really. Let's just hang in there, go out, take a deep breath, write it all down or here.. as much as I don't feel like it right now, I think I am getting stronger, slowly building a support system where I'm not 100% fooled by his self-centered needs confusing them with love, I'm at 80% , but it's progress, so let's stay positive and proud of ourselves, self-respect is key, let's not convince ourselves that it's all completely failed again.. cause it's not, even awareness is a step. 1
coralie Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Feeling the same. I am so miserable I don't even know what to do with myself. What's so ridiculous is that I'm feeling this way because of breaking NC, but since I feel so horrible these past several days and could barely get through the days, some evil part of my mind has been trying to convince me that I should contact him to relieve some pain. OMG. I keep repeating to myself "He's the one who caused this horrible, excruciating pain. He will NOT make it better, only a hundred billion times worse!!!" I wish I could knock myself out. Breaking NC or even just hearing from them and not responding always hurts, but I like to think that every time it happens we learn something and we get back to NC, and then we remember how to get back to that place where it's slightly less painful...
misswillow Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Tallest, Do you think there was a small part of you that thought that your ex may try to get you back, since I believe you said you have broken up before and reconciled? And now that she is sending your stuff back, it seems more final? My ex and I also broke up in the past, and got back together, so I think at times it's been hard for me to accept that this is really it this time. A small part of me is waiting for him to come back and say he made a mistake, like he has in the past (even though I hope I would be strong enough to reject him). Also, I do think the contact just sets anyone back, even though you crave it so much sometimes. I've been NC for 9 days, and I thought I was doing pretty good with no desire to contact him, and then today...Boom! I'm dying to talk to him again, and unable to accept that I may never talk to him again. I almost feel like I want to talk to him so badly that somehow he will just know this and call me. Sometimes I think I may be going crazy.
IfiKnewThen Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 hi original poster...tallest one do yourself a favor. even if it feels final. get your stuff back. believe it or not....it's part of closure. this is for you, not her, but it also shows her your being able to accept your things back. ask her to mail it to you rather than to come in person (seriously "say" that hehe). keep cool. sound confident. not happy..just strong. you already spoke part of your heart to her by telling her you wish you could say things (like you missed talking to her) and the end result was, she didnt acknowledge you or respond. so, next move is to get your things back. believe it or not someone had my things once and getting them back made me feel better. i felt like i was getting a small piece of myself back. at least he didnt have that. or some stupid jealous girl friend could pry in my stuff or throw it away..giving me no control. i liked having my stuff back that he didnt deserve having. trust me on this one. then keep going ...pray a lot. someday things WILL go your way and life WILL get better. keep the faith going...in yourself. 1
Author The Tallest One Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 misswillow, no I wasn't expecting her to try and get me back, I guess a part of me was hoping she might, but I did feel this last breakup was it for us! I feel like I'm in a strange limbo, I know she's not good for me so therefore I just want to move on, but at the same time the though of being with someone else upsets me! Even when I'm out and about and see other attractive women, I compare them to ex and think there not as good! I also have crazy irrational intrusive thoughts that my ocd causes that just keep me stuck and miserable! I just want all this pain to go away so I can feel good about being alive again! I had her name tattood on my back ( I know, dumb) but I got it covered up today which makes me feel good!
Lillygoose Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Hello The first bit of the post sounds so uncanny, so what I have been through. EX had sent the usual post and belongings, eg a huge duvet! and rowing machine!! (cant really fit that into car!) And I personally believe this part of the break up is for healing. For you to heal. Don't give two shi*** about her. If the belongings mean something that pick them up, but dont give her the time of day. Or get a friend to retrieve them. No doubt the state you are still in it would kill you to see her. But with the items, I just let him keep them. Didnt want to see him, and didnt want any contact. I am 50 DAYS NC, and it is staying that way. That way no set backs! chin up!
Author The Tallest One Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 I told her to forget about the items, they weren't important! I was doing so well but today I'm just miserable! Can't take my mind off her! Just want to be free of her and move on but my mind won't release her! Very down today! Just desperate to feel better!
misswillow Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I'm having that kind of obsessive thinking right now too, and it sucks, I know. I wish I knew how to make it stop, I'm hoping time will be the answer.
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