Vugatoid Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I've been friends with this girl for the past couple months. We're great pals, we enjoy eachother's company, and we have absolutely everything in common. As I've gotten to know her, she's become the person I think of the most in my life, and I feel like I have to at least take a shot at expressing my feelings towards her. I already have in many gestures, and she's seemed to have taken them with an open heart. Thing is, she's been... Weird with phone calls and texts, and has kinda left me hanging a couple of times. She's usually peppy when it comes to talking in the phone. But there's been 3 instances where she's flat out disappeared, and didn't pick-up/return the calls. She's come back to explain them, and they've seemed sincere, but I feel like I have to say something if I wanna express how I feel about her. 1: Disappeared for 5 days.* Her reason: left phone in her friend's car.* My thoughts: she seemed a little embarrassed, and actually brought-up the messages I left her over that time, so I saw no reason to doubt her here. 2: we talked on the phone about possibly getting together over spring break. She said that she'd know if her parents had anything planned by the weekend, and that we'll keep in touch. I texted her that weekend, asking if she knew what they were doing; no reply. She disappeared for 12 days.* Her reason: they left for vacation THAT weekend, and she didn't bring her phone with her.* My thoughts: I saw this as believable. Plus, she gave me the low-down on everything she did. 3: this one was the most weird. She had to leave early after class, so I asked if I could call her at 9pm that night to make up for some lost time. She says that 9 is great. I call at 9, and it goes straight to voicemail. I try again at 9:30. Voicemail. I sent her a text asking if everything was alright. No reply. I try the following day, she doesn't pick up. She disappears for 5 days.* Her reason: she spaced out and didn't even know that I called.* My thoughts: kinda peculiar, but she did apologize and said that she didn't mean to dupe me. Later on, I asked if I could call her tomorrow evening *(today), she said "yeah, I'm be home". Now, if for some reason she doesn't answer the phone today, I'm thinking about broaching the matter with her on Thursday.* The gist of what I would tell her, is that I'm not calling because I feel like I need to talk to her 24/7, but simply because she's my friend, and I enjoy talking to her, and wanna get to know her even better. And that I woundn't at all be offended if she said something like "tonight's not good. I gotta study/get some rest". With that being said, when we mutually set a time to talk, and I call to a phone that's off, and I don't get a response to my question "is everything alright?", it can be disheartening, and also make me worry about her. When we interact in real life, there's no negative tension at all. We each get along, she clearly isn't bothered by me, or else she wouldn't wanna talk to me at all. And I sense no discomfort on her end during conversation. (heck, she let get within an inch from her mouth when she asked me to she if her lip was bleeding. I wanna say that's a good sign lol) I pretty much have 2 questions. 1: Is she trying to tell me something with these occurrences? Or is she sincere, and just weird with electronic communication? (I should mention that she doesn't use Facebook) 2: is my "talk" a good idea? And is the content appropriate?
dasein Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 1. It seems she has no romantic interest in you, sorry to say. People who have romantic interest will almost never leave a person they feel that way about hanging for 5 days. Moreover, it seems she takes your friendship and your being there for her for granted. 2. Rather than making declarations of interest to someone, IME it's best to simply ask them out on a specific time and place for a date, keep asking out for dates, keep pressing physically, and as long as they are responsive, it's a go. However, sometimes we develop feelings for someone we know well and are already friends with. In those cases, a declaration of feelings is still not the way to go, but rather just a question, "would you like to go on a date with me sometime?" and wait for a definitive yes or no answer. Don't get bogged into long discussion should they start into one, just cut them off with, "it's OK no matter what you say, so "yes" or "no?" That way you get the information you need without a long involved conversation that could become an unnecessary source of discomfort, hurt feelings or pressure going forward. In your shoes, I'd move on to other options, find someone else to date, keep this person as a friend or really just acquaintance. Good luck. 1
carhill Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Welcome to LS How old are you and she? If young, meaning under 25, merely ask another lady out on a date. This one is a dry hole. 2
Treasa Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Welcome to LS How old are you and she? If young, meaning under 25, merely ask another lady out on a date. This one is a dry hole. Agreed. Also, I know I'm getting older when I think even people who are 30 are young.
theloyalone1 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I'm going to give it to you straight and not sugar coat it, but she is just not that much into you like you are into her. Hang in there
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