todreaminblue Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Who is secretly holding out hope while they try to get over it? I'm guilty of it!!!!! when my ex and i split up i tried to deny it, but i held onto hope fro a very long time,years, i can do that always have, i have always let passion and hope consume me if its right and true.......he is with another and i finally let go not for him but for me, in my life beign second choice in something that is meant to last forever is not the choice for me i am better than just a bed buddy,and i need to find soemeone who knows that i am worthwhile enough to be first choice because they love me not just sex.......so .....i let go........deb
Author Amelie1980 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 That's fair enough Amelie, but who does moping and pining for a guy who was clearly never right for you help you going forward? I guess this is lost on me.. Surely to let him go and have a PMA going forward, gives you the best chance of getting what you crave? Or is the towel well and truly thrown in? Thrown in. work is getting me down soon
RiceaRoni Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Who is secretly holding out hope while they try to get over it? I'm guilty of it!!!!! Guilty as charged :/ However the "hope" I have isn't stopping me from moving on...I'm still trying to get on with life, and if he shows up then I have my choice; but for now I still hold some hope even though right now it's straight in my face that he isn't coming back.
coralie Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Deep down I hold out some hope that he'll truly regret things (even if it's years from now) and feel horrible and come back and apologize and want me back, but I'm also 100% sure that no matter what, I will never, ever take him back in a million years. Once that trust was shattered, I could never trust him again even if he and everyone else swears up and down that it's for real and that he's genuine and faithful forever, etc. This is something that I just can't give a second chance to. Even if he magically wanted to get back together and we gave it a shot, I know I'd be so miserable, always paranoid and afraid of getting hurt again, not to mention the memories of how badly he treated me just before and after the breakup. It wouldn't work out. So no, I don't really hold out hope for a true reconcilation, just the part where he crawls back and actually gets to experience some hurt too. 1
Wabisabi Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 That hope is tucked somewhere in my heart but each time it surfaces, I allow it to linger for a short while then be reminded how it'll never work out even if we miraculously get back together. So when I think of its futility I let it go and 'keep calm and carry on'. Sometimes it works sometimes not and I'd get a bit depressed but it gets easier and easier. My ego's also hoping he'd come back so I can have a chance to reject him! Thank you!!!! When I had a BU or 2 in my 20's I was ok very quickly. over it in a few weeks. BU's do not get easier ad you age. They get worse. By my age you wonder if you will be alone and barren forever. I'm also in my mid-30s and I agree that it gets harder to let go compared to when we were in our 20s. The worries of being lonely for the rest of our life and not being able to have our own children are very real. However, at my age I also understand that there's no benefit in dwelling in negative thoughts that have no effect except to defeat ourselves. We'd probably end up how we thought we'll be coz we put so much energy into those beliefs. During this time fresh from my break up I had to consciously tweak my way of thinking. I just refuse to let negativity beat me down. I'm stronger than that and I believe you too. I never thought I'd have a relationship before this so who's to tell I won't fall in love again? Perhaps with THE one? Haha sending myself some positive thoughts! 2
iouaname Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Sure, I am still holding out hope. I don't know if it's hope for him wanting me back so that I can have him back or if it's for self-validation, but I definitely hold hope that he'll one day realize that he made a huge mistake. That said, I have learned to let my rational side take control over situations rather than my emotional side. Holding out hope, I've decided, is fine - as long as I don't allow it to delude me into thinking that I should behave in ways that I know I shouldn't. 2
SendHope Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I think everyone that went through break-up had that hope in them. I think what matters is that we shouldn't let that hope stop us from progressing on forward. 3
lovnlost Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Ill answer that with a question; How many dumper's are on here, talking about how they want to be with their ex? NONE cause they would be if they wanted to be. fml .. I am a dumper who wanted back with my ex. She turned the tables on me. Now I am the dumpee. So ya...it happens! 1
NewPerspective93 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 It's completely normal to harbor hope. Unfortunately, it's usually toxic when you find out things you were not expecting, such as when your ex is with someone else. The best thing one can do is smile and move on. Things aren't always what they seem, just like the hope many hold on to dearly only to have it dissipate. Cheers.
grace777 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 What the Hell is this stuff about spells from Marvllindar?? Is that some sort of spam? Go away, dark one. 1
Thunderchild Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 (edited) Who is secretly holding out hope while they try to get over it? I'm guilty of it!!!!! At some time in the future (when I'm a successful milionaire author with the hottest girlfriend on earth) I would love for my ex to come crawling back. Then, I could string her on for a few months (as she did me) then kick her into touch. It may be morally reprehensible to seek revenge, but man-oh-man the more I look at her actions the more I see a probable Antisocial Personality [ie dangerously impulsive, manipulative, entitled, very little empathy and unwilling/unable to take responsibility for her actions] I would enjoy the moment of crushing her hopes utterly and feel no guilt whatsoever about doing it. Edited March 28, 2013 by Thunderchild
Pisces13 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I'm very much holding on to hope. I know she has things to work out, and I am trying to be repectful of that. I hope we will end up together again but, because I truly love her, all I want is for her to be happy, even if it's not with me. That would make me sad, but sometimes love hurts. I hear you brother, I'm in the exact same boat as you. Even though I wasn't ready to give up on our relationship, our breakup was very amicable and we're still really good friends now. She is a little bit younger than me and needs to go out and "find herself" on her own. I'm hoping her path will lead back to me somewhere down the line, but at the same time I'm keeping real about it all, and am just doing my best to move forward with my life.
Own Worst Enemy Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Peddling garbage on here. Would you trust anyone to cast a spell for you when they can't even write a decent sentence? You'd end up with a cabbage coming home or something...
crustyjojo Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Ill answer that with a question; How many dumper's are on here, talking about how they want to be with their ex? NONE cause they would be if they wanted to be. fml .. If you look under the second chances section - there are plenty of dumpers there asking advise as they realise they made a mistake 2
Pisces13 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I think that it is OK to hold on to some hope that things will eventually workout. It's not letting that hope rule your life moving forward that you need to be wary of. The term "cautiously optimistic" comes to mind. 1
singme2sleep Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Ill answer that with a question; How many dumper's are on here, talking about how they want to be with their ex? NONE cause they would be if they wanted to be. fml .. Just because a lot of dumpers aren't on here, doesn't mean they don't want their ex's back or still love them... 1
destroyed4sho Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Just because a lot of dumpers aren't on here, doesn't mean they don't want their ex's back or still love them... Exs dont dump you because they want you. Exs say the 'still love you' or think they do bc they have some left over weak residual feelings about you and they immaturely calling it love. In reality it isnt love bc they dont know what real love is. To them love is fleeting, whimsical, weak type of love . They may even say i love you to many people and friends. Im sorry, but THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU ANYMORE. 3
J_L_C Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Despite the actions of my ex-bf, I think I would still give things a second go. I believe everyone in life deserves a second chance. Mistakes are made. But I don't believe things should ever go past a second chance...no thirds or fourths. 2
MyAngel Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 To still hold out hope while trying to get over it makes the getting over it part take longer. I know this - but it doesn't help. I think it's totally normal for someone to hold out hope, especially if they still love their ex. But there has to come a point when you need to let go. There's no timeframe for it, and I'm taking things at my own slow pace. It's been almost 4 months for me. But I'm still slowly moving forward.
destroyed4sho Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Despite the actions of my ex-bf, I think I would still give things a second go. I believe everyone in life deserves a second chance. Mistakes are made. But I don't believe things should ever go past a second chance...no thirds or fourths. Im so disappointed in you. :-(
MyAngel Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Aren't you sick of being sad already? Totally. But I have days when I still am very very sad. I am emotional and sensitive, so to lose someone I loved so much, it's normal for me to be sad. But it's been almost 4 months. It's not constantly sad these days, but I still think of her all the time, I still miss her and what we had. But yeah, I don't want to be sad anymore. I want to be happy, but I am just not sure HOW to be happy, like how I felt when I was with her. I want to be like that. 2
travelonic Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 (edited) Ill answer that with a question; How many dumper's are on here, talking about how they want to be with their ex? NONE cause they would be if they wanted to be. . 1. Part of asking a question is waiting for them to reply. 2. LS doesn't encompass ALL dumpers who talk or don't talk, online or offline 3. The second chances forum has had a swarm of dumper-wanting-the-one-they-dumped-back topics in the last month, and many more from before that. TL;DR: Your post fails. Hard. I also agree with Pisces13 - the problem is not having hope, it is having it, but not letting it control you. Having hope or not, and healing or not healing, are NOT mutually exclusive, IMO. Letting it control you is bad in both extremes - like extreme hope making you have unrealistically positive expectations, and wanting to remove hope making you jaded and consumed with hate and anger that you reject any possibility of it being possible. Edited March 29, 2013 by travelonic 2
Recommended Posts