danb82 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Hi everyone Been reading the forum for a couple of days and thought i would post hoping for a little advice. Basically last week my girlfriend of 3+ years told me she wasnt sure if she loves me in the right way anymore and basically that she was moving out of our house. I sold my flat and bought a house for us both 1 year ago and 4 months ago we bought a puppy who we both adore (but is quite hard work) Right now i am struggling with thoughts of why this happened and falling for every trap in the book. She is moving out this weekend and moving back to her parents. I feel the compulsion to tell her i can be a better boyfriend, i can see my mistakes blah blah blah. With the hope to change her mind. With all that we have built together, our house and our little family. I'm just confused at how she could just suddenly go to this train of thought and leave me, the house and our dog who she loves i think more than me. Now i'm going to be in the house with a big mortgage, with our dog, who a) reminds me of what we have and b) is a big responsibility for 1 person. But on the flipside could keep me busy and be my companion. Its going to be strange living there without her and difficult for a while She also says she wants to see the dog once she has moved out, so this probably means seeing her. She must be very sure of her decision to give all this up but why would she not say anything when these feeling first develop? She has some big problems with her knee and has to take very strong medication, she is in constant pain and i wonder whether this has clouded her judgment or making her depressed Half way through our relationship i had one of these "episodes" and she talked me around and we worked it out. We have had issues particularly with sex going downhill to almost non existent. My self confidence has been low for a while as I have put on a few pounds over the years and automatically felt like she doesn't fancy me anymore but she insisted she did. Anyway if you REALLY love someone this should not matter right??? I just wish we could spend a little time apart and see if could work again because i think it could be better. We had such a good thing going, seems a shame to throw it all away. Thanks
Cogee Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Sex does matter, and in many cases is a good indicator of the health of your relationship. Did you ever talk to her about why sex has been non existant? What have you been doing to work on your confidence if it has been having problems? It's a big burden to put on someone if you are lacking confidence and self-image. Even love can crumble under those circumstances. I'd strongly suggest you keep the dog and find ways to get exercise/confidence back by getting out and taking care of this dog.
MushyPeas Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Something I realised during my recent breakup is that feelings like this are rarely "sudden"..I did the whole "how can he suddenly one day decide that he doesn't want me" truth is, it was a build up of emotions spread over a good few months. For sure it's a shame she didn't bring them to your attention sooner, exactly the same situation with my ex although he insisted he tried to tell me (I think I was just oblivious to his attempts because I was concentrating on the problems rather than looking for a resolution). So there were a few aspects of your relationship you weren't happy with as I'm sure she wasn't either, as in the sex going down hill, you having low self esteem. Even if these things seem small at the time, I really do believe over the course of months or however long, they can start to have an effect. Normally I'd suggest going NC but as you said she still wants to come over to see the dog or whatever, maybe before you set the ball in motion of parting ways and all that, you should sit down and have a good talk about what went wrong and how she feels and how you feel too because that's just as important. Atleast then if it's really better that you part ways, you're aware of what happened and you can improve this for next time, for yourself.
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