A1A Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 There are so many things I did after the break up from the man I LOVED sooo much! I can’t really say I am still in love with him. How can I when I know he doesn’t care about me; dating another girl; and moved on like I am a complete stranger. But unfortunately I still miss him My BU recovery was/is “by the book” First week – Shock!!! I didn’t even realize what just happened and what I am going to go through. First Month - Crying, not eating, smoking, depressed, took days off from work, gave myself time to grief. Second Month – Start picking myself up… Forcing myself to do things. Reconnect with friends, eating better, going out (didn’t enjoy so much but it was much better than doing nothing). Third Month – Going out more and even enjoying myself. Meeting new people. Keeping myself as busy as I can at all times. Now – the end of the Third Month – met a new guy. Yes, I know I should be happy and I am. BUT I still miss my ex and I feel so empty towards the new guy (and I have to tell you – he is AMAZING!). I look at him and think of my ex. And I feel sick with that! I am almost four months without him and I can’t stop thinking of him. I am still waking up with tears. I am still dreaming about him. I am still missing him so much! I have so many things to be grateful for but I feel as if I can’t see and completely enjoy all the good things I have because I am focused on what I don’t have – my ex. I am aware of my mistakes and still can’t fix them. I wish I could just erase him from my memory. I know that I am in the right direction, but do you think that thinking of him most of the day (and I mean it – 99% of the day, he is in my thoughts) is weird?
na49 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 BUT I still miss my ex and I feel so empty towards the new guy (and I have to tell you – he is AMAZING!). I look at him and think of my ex. And I feel sick with that! That's not fair to your new guy. If you aren't over your ex, you shouldn't be dating him. You feel empty because he's not your ex. Well guess what? He can't be your ex. Also I don't think dating someone new when you're still not over your ex is "in the book". I checked.
Author A1A Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 Opening myself and start dating again is part of moving forward. I also don't think it is right for the new guy and this is why I wrote that I feel sick with that. I am not over my ex, I know. But does it mean that I need to not date anyone until I'll be completely over him? and when will I know when I am over him?
geegirl Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) Opening myself and start dating again is part of moving forward? Dating is not part of moving forward. People tend to go out and date too soon without fully resolving their feelings and then this is what happens. Rather than help you move forward, you start to struggle with old emotions resurfacing because you never fully dealt with it. It's always best to date, when you have reached a point of indifference and detachment and are now emotionally and mentally open to the opportunities ahead of you. Even when someone amazing comes along, you can't see the potential or embrace it because you're still caught up with your past. I would suggest letting this man know how you feel and letting him go. It isn't fair to you or to him. And three months is not enough time to completely detach. Edited March 27, 2013 by geegirl 3
Author A1A Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 Thanks for your advice. I think you are right. I just need to heal from my ex first. I agree that it is not fair for him and the LAST thing I want is to hurt someone like I've been hurt.
Am4Real Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Oh no we can't have that happen, we would lose one-third of our postee's here on LS -- all those affected by the REBOUND'ER. Just kidding -- I agree with you totally. Dating is not part of moving forward. People tend to go out and date too soon without fully resolving their feelings and then this is what happens. Rather than help you move forward, you start to struggle with old emotions resurfacing because you never fully dealt with it. It's always best to date, when you have reached a point of indifference and detachment and are now emotionally and mentally open to the opportunities ahead of you. Even when someone amazing comes along, you can't see the potential or embrace it because you're still caught up with your past. I would suggest letting this man know how you feel and letting him go. It isn't fair to you or to him. And three months is not enough time to completely detach. 1
Am4Real Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Explain to your new guy what is going on. Let me tell you first hand, if my EX had of told me she was struggling with her last relationship I may have backed off, sure, however I may have understood half the things that were going on and been much more lenient in many ways, sticking with her and ultimately her with me. She didn't tell me [obviously] and her struggle with herself was our demise. As far as I know, she is now no where ahead either. Thanks for your advice. I think you are right. I just need to heal from my ex first. I agree that it is not fair for him and the LAST thing I want is to hurt someone like I've been hurt. 1
ChrisC81 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Opening myself and start dating again is part of moving forward. I also don't think it is right for the new guy and this is why I wrote that I feel sick with that. I am not over my ex, I know. But does it mean that I need to not date anyone until I'll be completely over him? and when will I know when I am over him? Yes It does mean that. How long were you with him? I would give it at least 6 months to a year depending on how long the relationship was. My therapist recommend I wait a year before dating. You have to be completely healed and in a healthy state of mind, thus attracting similar and healthy minded people. If you are depressed and crying over your ex and thinking about him, how could you ever attract a healthy relationship? Not possible. Find what makes you happy and love yourself as a whole person, this way you don't need someone else to make you feel complete. Focus on yourself, and reflect on what mistakes you have made in the past and improvements you want to make in your life for you... and love will come when you are in a good place and are mentally prepared for it. 3
Author A1A Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 MissChris0107 Let me start by saying that I totally agree with you and I also believe that my happiness doesn't need to be depended on someone else. I rather be alone and happy than with a partner and miserable. I was with my ex for a little over a year. I felt that maybe almost four months being sad on a year relationship is not normal (I don't feel like that anymore, though). Moreover, my friends advice me to 'try' and 'go with the flow'. The emptiness that I am feeling is much bigger than trying to fill it up with someone's company; I'm feeling empty as a person. I just have to work on myself first. Thank you for your advice. 1
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